Anyway, after all this, he called today. Gift was lost in the mail. DH would have called him had he received a card to thank him and when he didn't FIL called asking if he got it.
I think it is interesting you are mad at the wife for the fathers lack of relationship with his son. The father is an adult and he is the one who is responsible for maintaining a relationship with his son.
Adult children are also responsible for maintaining relationships. If appropriate: when you partner gets the gift, it might be nice if he calls him up and thanks him and if he lives nearby, invite him out for a drink or something.
As you can see, he would have called had he gotten something as he always does. When FIL didn't hear from him, FIL called asking if he got it.
Also, my anger is not at the wife. As I said, we have no relationship with her and that's fine. My worry/concern was that because of my interaction with her, she decided to make things difficult for FIL to continue what relationship he does have with him. Yes, I get that if his father chooses not to have a relationship with his son, it is HIS choice. My anger at HER has to do with her treatment of my kids, my husband and myself. That is something she has control over.