or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › Parenting, Significant Others and Life
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Parenting, Significant Others and Life - Page 2

Poll Results: Who comes first

 
  • 72% (21)
    Kids
  • 27% (8)
    Sig. other
29 Total Votes  
post #21 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:

 

Anyway,  after all this, he called today.  Gift was lost in the mail.  DH would have called him had he received a card to thank him and when he didn't FIL called asking if he got it.  

 


 



Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post

I think it is interesting you are mad at the wife for the fathers lack of relationship with his son.  The father is an adult and he is the one who is responsible for maintaining a relationship with his son.

 

Adult children are also  responsible for maintaining relationships.  If appropriate: when you partner gets the gift, it might be nice if he calls him up and thanks him and if he lives nearby, invite him out for a drink or something.  

 

 

 



As you can see, he would have called had he gotten something as he always does.  When FIL didn't hear from him, FIL called asking if he got it.

 

Also, my anger is not at the wife.  As I said, we have no relationship with her and that's fine.  My worry/concern was that because of my interaction with her, she decided to make things difficult for FIL to continue what relationship he does have with him.  Yes, I get that if his father chooses not to have a relationship with his son, it is HIS choice.  My anger at HER has to do with her treatment of my kids, my husband and myself.  That is something she has control over.  

post #22 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by scsigrl View Post




 





 

Also, my anger is not at the wife.  As I said, we have no relationship with her and that's fine.  My worry/concern was that because of my interaction with her, she decided to make things difficult for FIL to continue what relationship he does have with him.  Yes, I get that if his father chooses not to have a relationship with his son, it is HIS choice.  My anger at HER has to do with her treatment of my kids, my husband and myself.  That is something she has control over.  



hug.gif

 

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

 

 

 

P.S. I didn't vote. I would vote other. Ideally it should be a blending of the old and new families. Sadly, I don't think it works out that way very often. 

 


Edited by tinybutterfly - 8/16/11 at 8:18am
post #23 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by scsigrl View PostAs for my FB thing being hostile, not at all. I was just being matter of fact.  There are all kinds of hostile things I would LOVE to say to her but I haven't/didn't and won't.  It wasn't to be a punishment because I don't care and I know she doesn't.  I just wanted to be clear that we have not and will not ever be friends on FB or anywhere else.  She is not allowed into our home nor is she allowed anywhere that our kids are.  This has been agreed upon by DH and I.  So I dunno, calling her out on 30 years of bullshit, since no one else ever has, was not harsh at all. Just the truth.  Also, I won't play her games.  If he IS going to let her control/decide upon his relationship with his own son, that's totally between them.  But I have also made it clear to DH that if he pulls away from our kids, I will not put them in the middle trying to figure out "Where's Grandpa?" crap.  I see what it has done to DH and I will not let that happen to my kids with this man!

 

  Family dynamics involve more diplomacy than logic--I get that you didn't see the point in having her as a friend on facebook due to her behavior, but saying so may have been a shot over the bough to this woman; you didn't necessarily have to be "harsh" as most people understand "harsh", but essentially saying "what's the point, you never cared before" isn't exactly friendly. And calling someone like this out, however deserved, is not likely to make them behave better shrug.gif.

 

  I'm just saying that if you are concerned about your interactions with her having a negative impact on your dh via FIL, I would just say what you need to say in the nicest way possible for the circumstances, within the boundaries of what you and your dh have agreed upon, and forget about trying to get her to see the truth. I would have tried leaving the request unanswered first, then come up with an excuse later if necessary.

 

 

 


Edited by Emmeline II - 8/16/11 at 12:45pm
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Talk Amongst Ourselves
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Talk Amongst Ourselves › Parenting, Significant Others and Life