need advice...feel like quitting

[tincia]

So this is sort of a vent but I really need some advice.. This is my third baby, he is cirrently 4 months and I can't say that at any point in the four months that breastfeeding has been going well. We have had super resistant thrush that lasted months, I've had cracks, milk blisters one side if not both always has something wrong with it causing pain. I have insufficient glandular tissue resulting on an inadequate milk supply although it is significantly higher that previous babies. I am taking domperidone which has resulted in added weight for me. At this point I pump 99% of the time rather than nurse because i can track my supply level and it isn't so painful, but ultimately i just feel like a big failure. My son currently receives 6 oz of formula daily for supplementation. I have tried using a feeding tube but more often just use a bottle to feed him the formula as well as expressed milk. He seems very finnicky at the breast and likes the flow of the bottle however when he is hungry he still roots and attempts to breastfeed through my shirt so i think he would like to be able to breastfeed. I also feel like his latch has gotten rather sloppy. Is it too late to have any hope of a happy breastfeeding relationship? And how do i even attempt to achieve that? I am miserable with the whole thing right now, but really don't want to quit. Sorry this has become such a long rant, i'm just really frustrated!

[tincia]

Sorry about all of the typos, i'm posting from my tablet

[Megan73]

Hugs, mama. I was in exactly the same boat with DS1 and I know how tough it is but he was still able to nurse happily into toddlerhood.
I don't think it's too late!
I suspect that your babe is fussing at the breast because he's come to prefer the faster flow of the bottle. What I would do is get a better at the breast supplementer - I love, love, love the Lact-Aid ( http://www.lact-aid.com/) - and ditch the bottles.
If you're still in pain, is there an IBCLC near you who could help? Could your little one have an undiagnosed tongue tie that could be causing you pain? Nurse as much as you can, but if you do need to give some bottles while you try to figure out why you're in pain, use a newborn flow bottle and check out the fact sheet on kellymom.com about paced bottle feeding for breastfed babies.
You may have to pump after feedings while he's learning how to nurse well.
I hear you on the dom. I'm able to EBF DS2 with the help of domperidone but it's making me SO hungry. I'm just trying really hard to eat sensibly.
Hang in there. It's hard to have to supplement but breastfeeding is about so much more than just the milk.

[gemasita]

Just wanted to give some hugs.  It took me SIX months to get out of pain.  I have low supply too and we supplement with donor milk.  I felt just like you said, that there was always something, there was never a time where things were going well.  But...I'm so glad I stuck with it.  It took us 6 months (until just recently) to really feel like things were going well.  And now, I truly do believe that my breastmilk, however little there is, is really important to him.  I just didn't believe that for a LONG time.  I didn't even truly feel like a breastfeeding mother, even though I was.  I just felt like I had problem after problem and my body was confused.  The pain wore on me day after day.  I finally found out I have nerve pain in my nipples, I think from all of the nipple damage and pumping in the beginning.  Whatever you decide, you are NOT alone.

One thing you *might* try is starting a feeding with the bottle and then switch to breastfeeding, so that he is not so impatient at the breast and maybe a little more relaxed.

[pattimomma]

Hugs and you are not alone! The PP suggested a little milk from the bottle and then switch back to the breast. I have found that can work. Last night my little one was so hungry and I was feeling "empty", she fussed and fussed at the breast. Then I gave her a small bottle after that she went back on the breast without a problem.

[foreverinbluejeans]

You've made it to 4 months and that's great! It's not too late to establish a brestfeeding relationship. Moms nurse adopted babies that they get that are much older. 6 oz of formula a day isn't much. Are you sure he needs it and doesn't just want it. All a breastfed baby has to gain is a pound a month. If he is gaining more he may not need the formula. Now that he is 4 months you could start solids in place of the formula. Solids like mashed banana may be better than formula. It is something to consider.  

Women can become attached to the pump. It's all so scientific. You are taking drugs, using a machine, measuring, keeping records, and feeding by artificial means. This is very differernt from a symbiotic breastfeeding relationship that it sounds like you desire.

Babies can almost always get more milk from the breast than a pump can extract. If he can breastfeed he shouldn't need formula since he is getting so little. It shouldn't be painful when he nurses if the thrush is gone. You can take Tylenol or other pain killers for minor pain. If you want to breastfeed I suggest taking a couple of days and going to bed with your baby. Have lots of skin to skin contact and try to get breastfeeding established. Call LLL or contact a LC for support.

[tincia]

Gemasita, u have given me some hope! To know that u were eventually able to get it all taken care of and get things to where u would like to be, makes me feel like it is possible. I so badly want to make it work but am at the breaking point of the amount of time and effort i can invest because i feel guilty for my other two kids... I am going to try to get in with a lactation consultant in the fall once my oldest is in school and send my middle one to daycare, i just can't even think about trying to go right now with all three kids and betwee all of their swimming lessons, soccer games etc. Plus the nearest one is almost an hour away

Foreverinbluejeans- i would have to supplement more formula if it wasnt for the fact that he sleeps through from his 9pm feed usually until his 6am feed so i am able to bank a fair bit of milk during that time... so it isnt that he has a full amount available to him at each feed, but that i am able to top him up with that pumped milk and just fall short 6 oz over the course of a 24 hour period.

I had a decent amount pumped this morning so i nursed at every feed only pumping once when i first woke up and i will now pump before bed. It actually went fairly well..i have a milk blister that i can't get rid of so it was painful on that side, but all in all it was definately a better breastfeeding day than most..provided much needed encouragement!

Anyone have any advice on milk blisters other than the standard stuff u read all over the net? Also, what is the most common daily dosage for dom i feel like i should be able to go up from the 40 mg per day i am currently prescribed, and i live in canada where it is readily available and is covered by dh's bebefit plan

[gemasita]

160mg/day is usually considered the upper limit.  Many women need to be on that dosage.  I was on 40, then 90, then 160.

Boy, that is the truth that you will have good days and bad days.  My LC just told me to never make BIG breastfeeding decisions on a bad day.  Good advice!  I definitely had low-pain days and high-pain days and felt very depressed on the high-pain days.

[Megan73]

I'm glad you had a better day, mama.
In Canada, 90 mg seems to be the starting prescribed dose. Upping your dose may do the trick for you.