Oh he absolutely had to clean it up. Unfortunately though, after sitting in 102 degree Texas heat for an hour (before I found it) it had dried and caked on and had to be scrubbed off with major force, so he couldn't have cleaned it all up himself. And we had planned to go somewhere fun for dinner after baby's nap, which was cancelled because we had to spend time cleaning the car. My repeated rule that I am constantly saying is "paint and colors are for paper only". If I were to randomly ask him "where do we paint and color?" he would answer "paper only". It's not that the rule hasn't been made clear.
Honestly after 14 months (since baby was born) of trying to be everything to everyone and talking through all of these incidents and talking to him ad nauseum about how hard it is to have a baby brother and how we get to go do fun things if baby gets a good nap, etc. etc. etc., I'm now battling depression, exhaustion and major mommy burnout because these things happen constantly. I just need to know if there is something wrong with the fact that my 4.5 year old, who is capable of dressing himself, wiping his own bottom, making his own breakfast, but he can't stop himself from destroying things.
I do try to spend one-on-one time with him. Here is how that usually goes: we sit down to color together, for example. I start coloring something, he says "no mom, that's not right, you're supposed to color this, or it shoudl be that color" or then he gets angry and frustrated because I'm not doing things the way he thinks they should be. So I give up and just try to be near him while he's coloring, but then he will start coloring on the table. I really am questioning whether there is something else going on with his brain, but I don't know where to start in finding out.