DH seems to think that discipline simply isn't necessary when raising a child. At least, that's what his actions have been saying to me lately. I feel like every time I try to discipline DD for something, he has to swoop in and "save" her and hug her and tell her it's okay. I don't think a child needs to be disciplines all the time, especially at DD's age where she's still exploring boundaries and learning what's acceptable and what's not, but I feel like there are things she needs to learn are never acceptable. Tonight, DD kept hitting and kicking me. I would tell her No, and that hitting/kicking are not acceptable. I finally warned her that if she kept doing it, she would end up in time-out. The only times I ever even tried time-out with her is when she's is being violent like that. She hit me again so I picked her up and put her in a chair facing a corner. She was angry of course, so she cried for daddy. DH immediately came out of the bedroom and picked her up and gave her a hug. He kept telling her it was okay and then he gave her some chocolate milk and something to eat and put on a movie for her to watch. WTF? Now, I don't honestly think time-out is very effective as a discipline tool but I was at my wit's end and DH wasn't helping. He was in the room while she was hitting and kicking me and while I was warning DD to stop and telling her that hitting and kicking weren't acceptable, but he didn't do anything until I put her in time-out. He does things like this a lot. If I yell at her or threaten to discipline her in any way, he'll tell me that "She's only 3". I agree that most things are still beyond her comprehension, but she does need boundaries and she definitely needs to be taught that physical violence is NEVER acceptable. She'll be starting pre-school next week and I'm worried what will happen if she doesn't get her way at school. I told DH that if he doesn't think we need to discipline her for hitting and kicking that he can deal with the teacher when she calls to tell us that DD is being violent toward other children.
All that being said, I tried to sit down and talk to DH about coming up with a plan for discipline that we could both agree on. I agreed that time-out wasn't working and wasn't the best way to go, but I definitely don't think that coddling and giving hugs and kisses is a good way to teach her what behavior is and isn't acceptable. I told him we need to come up with a plan and be consistent so that she didn't think she could get away with things when a certain parent was around(like she does now when DH is home). He refused to talk about it. All he has told me is that he doesn't like it when I raise my voice and that he doesn't think time-out is a good idea. Fine. But he hasn't offered any suggestions. Just now he told me that DD is just trying to get a rise out of me(which I personally think deflates his whole "She's only 3" argument. If she's too young to understand that she's doing something wrong, how is it that she can understand how to purposely make a person angry?). I asked him what he thought I should do and he said, "Speak softly. Use kind words." I'm sorry, but if my child is consistently doing things that she knows are not acceptable and if she's constantly being told not to do them, I'm not going to continue to use kind words because those obviously are not working. Maybe raising my voice isn't the answer, but she needs to understand somehow that certain things are not okay to do.
I guess this turned into sort of a vent but I'm just frustrated. I feel like I lose my temper with DD a lot and I hate that, but all DH does is criticize me for yelling and disciplining DD without offering any help or suggestions as to how to better come at the situation so I just feel like I'm the only one who tells DD no. Any suggestions would be helpful.
- Caitlin0919
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