Alternatives to letting child go to bed hungry?

[amberskyfire]

DD is almost 3.5 and has entered a lovely phase where she often will only want sugary stuff for dinner. If I refuse, she will go to bed hungry rather than eat even the tastiest of dinners. Tonight we made one of her favorites: nachos. She wouldn't touch it except to lick the sour cream off the top. If it's not a cookie (which we don't even HAVE) or a lolly or candy, she doesn't want it. She politely says "no, thank you, I just don't want anything." Then asks to go to bed.

So when she does go to bed, she will cry and say that she's hungry, but she won't eat what we prepared, even if it's something she asked for. I don't get the sudden sugar craving at bedtime and despite how I swore we wouldn't fight over food, I'm NOT giving her candy for dinner, even if we had it.

Suggestions? I've just been letting her go to bed hungry because she won't eat any normal food otherwise. I feel bad, but it's not like I can force the food down her. I thought it would pass, but it's been a few months now and it's still going on. Any ideas?

[P.J.]

Well, there are lots of strategies out there for getting picky toddlers to eat.

I love Muffin Tin Mom, it's a blog all about presenting meals and snacks in a fun way for kids. You put a variety of different things each in a different compartment (kids love that!), usually of a muffin tin or similar container. That way you are offering her a variety of options, which is what I would suggest doing, however you do it. Rather than having one "dinner", offer her snacks regularly throughout the day, and keep dinner light (that way she won't be so terribly hungry by bedtime either) ~you can also try having a more substantial lunch as part of this plan.

I know Dr. Sears also has a page on his website about this theme. He also suggests making a theme (like sports or the cosmos) and cutting up food in special shapes to interest the kids.

Good luck!

[crunchy_mommy]

Hmm I don't know if this would work, my DS isn't picky (yet!) but maybe you could make her dinner sweeter? Add honey or maple syrup or something? And then slowly taper off the amount you add until she's just eating regular food? Not ideal, but might be worth it if it works.

Also, is she eating well/regularly throughout the day? Sometimes when I get too hungry the only thing that appeals to me is something sweet -- I guess to get my blood sugar back up (I'm hypoglycemic). Maybe you could give her a small dessert before dinner? I wouldn't give candy FOR dinner but if there's something sweet that you would allow otherwise, I don't see any reason that she can't eat it before or along with dinner. (Coming from someone who never understood the 'eat your peas and then you can have ice cream" thing lol...)

[pbjmama]

Barring any health/weight issues I bet she isn't really going to bed hungry. Because if she was she would eat. She eats the rest of the day, correct? My kids big meal has always been lunch, when they need the most energy for the rest of the day.

[mamabelle]

Oh that would drive me crazy!  I totally understand your frustration.  My DS is only just 2 so I don't know how relevant our experience is.  I have recently shifted my attitude about toddlers and the family dinner though.  He would always be sooo hungry when we got home from work/daycare and would want to snack, snack, snack.  He was never that hungry at dinner time though, and was not interested in a lot of our family meals.  When I would limit his snacks, he would be hungry at dinner, but only really want toddler food (quesadilla or hot dog or beans or something) so I would usually make him a separate dinner because I wanted him to eat (he's always been really small on the growth charts).  I never thought I'd be making 2 dinners each night, but everything changes once you actually have kids : )

Then one day I just thought, why am I fighting this?  He wants a meal at 5:30 and we want to eat (something spicy!) at 6:30 or 7.  Now I try to offer him more of a meal when we get home (even if it's banana, yogurt, and crackers or PB&J sometimes).  He sits in his highchair and eats while I can cook dinner for me and DH.  Then he plays for a bit and usually sits down to eat with us at our dinner and tastes whatever we are having.  He doesn't seem to eat any less of our dinner than he did before, and I don't stress about it.  I feel like I inherited a lot of food issues from the way I was raised and I want DS to learn to listen to his body, which is why I was never comfortable trying to stop him from eating at 5:30 so he would (theoretically) eat at 6:30.  I do find that accepting the constant snacking instead of expecting DS to join in our big dinner has helped my peace of mind.  We'll see where we're at in another year and a half : )  I know my nephews are going through some similar food choice power struggles/issues and they are closer to 4.

One idea for a compromise:  Sometimes I just give DS a smoothie popsicle (homemade) while we eat dinner since he's already done most of his eating for the day and we like his company at the table.  You can even sneak some kale in with the yogurt and fruit, and some protein to make sure your LO doesn't feel hungry at night. 

I'm jealous you're in Hawaii!  What a wonderful place to raise a family!  What island are you on?

[~cassie]

My 3 yr old much prefers "snacks" to a meal.  So starting about 430/5-I offer some cut up fruit or some steamed veggies.  Then 30 mins-1 hour later I will offer some cooked meat and then later I will offer some yogurt or cheese or whatever.  He seems to eat much better that way instead of piling all the exact same food on the plate for him to eat.

[SilverFish]

i like the smoothie/popsicle idea. i give them to my 18 month old a lot... her hunger doesn't always line up with ours, especially since she is at daycare some days and i don't actually see what or how much she's eating. mine are sweet but packed with nutritional value, so i really don't mind if she eats them all day long. (banana, soy or coconut milk, dollop of almond butter, frozen fruit, maybe a handful of something green, blend and freeze). maybe something like that will give her the sweetness she wants, and be different/interesting enough to appeal? we also sometimes blend up melon or just a banana and milk for a simpler popsicle. would she be interested in eating a piece of plain fruit? i wouldn't give junk food either, but think it's ok to have a non "savory" meal sometimes, especially if she's eating fine at other times. 

[porcelina]

We do a combination of the above. I try to make any snacks from 4:30 on be of a healthy nature. Then, offer a bit of what we're having at dinner. Then, we have incorporated a bedtime snack, which is a slice of while wheat bread, yogurt, and a small bit of milk. This gets consumed right before bed so I know he is getting some carbs and protein at the end of the day. If he has had a big meal, he won't eat the snack (but we bring it up to bed anyway) and I'll save it for the next day. This also might satisfy a sweet tooth (though we use a very low sugar yogurt). I imagine a bit of smoothie or healthy popsicle would be similar. We introduced the snack for the same reason, to avoid going to bed hungry, and it's part if our routine. Of course, we brush teeth right after (and we do it in the bed, spitting into a cup).

[amberskyfire]

Thanks for the ideas, everyone! We're trying them one by one. I LOVE that Muffin Tin Mom website, but I'm afraid we're too poor to make any of those. Still, I could use the idea of just putting out lots of small samples of individual items. I don't really like that she puts candy and sweets in all of her trays. DD would just eat that and nothing else. But I'll try the rest.

[AKA_PI]

My little guy is 3 and we've had the mealltime battle too. When we get home from daycare at 4:30, I normally let him have a light snack (fruit, dry cereal, or popcorn) while I start dinner. Dinner is sometime between 6-630. Now that he's playing soccer his appetite has shot up even more. 

I would say start with a light snack, then let her eat dinner in pieces. Maybe she'll eat the veggies first and then come back later for the meat and finish it off with some fruit. If my son says he's hungry again at bedtime, I let him have half a cup of dry cereal and a sip of juice or milk. This usually tides him over until morning. I don't like for him to go to bed with something heavy on his tummy.

[sarah1122]

We had this problem with my 3 year old too.  Dinner would arrive and he wouldn't want to take a bite no matter what.  Come to find out, he'd just outgrown the after-nap snack we'd been giving him.   So we moved dinner up an hour to 5:30 and stopped feeding him is 3:30 snack and now he's hungry at dinner time.  We give him a bedtime snack at 7:30 of some crackers, veggies and a bit of cheese or other protein.

[amberskyfire]

Well, that's an idea! Thanks! It's another night of not eating again tonight.

[tessamami]

We offer peanut butter on a spoon. We don't give endless options right before bed. We would offer the PB, or some more of dinner - seems to work for us.

[MadameFancyPants]

This is probably a bad habit but it's worked for us and eventually we will break it. 

Many times DS will wake up hungry in the middle of the night and if we bring him down stairs to eat he wakes up to the point where he'll need to play for a few hours.  Or he will try to stall bedtime by saying he's hungry even though he just ate dinner 30 minutes earlier and said he was done.  We've started handing him a slice of bread to eat while he lays in bed listening to his story.  If he goes to bed with out eating it, we just leave it on the night stand for him to eat if he wakes up in the middle of the night. 

[JudiAU]

Bath yogurt.

We've always given some whole milk yogurt in the bath before bed. Often it is 4 oz. plain yobaby but occasionally sweetened/fruit.  If we have the plain we serve it with sprinkles (like the kind for frosting cupcakes) to make it "fancy." Totally artificial compliment to their regular health diet, but I figure a 1/2 tsp. of sanding sugar is okay on plain yogurt.

Actually, although we call it bath yogurt we usually do it during stories.

[MadameFancyPants]

Originally Posted by JudiAU 

Bath yogurt.

I love it!  Great idea.  I could totally hear my son requesting bath yogurt at the grocery store when I ask what flavor he'd like!

[amberskyfire]

I've found something that's working for us right now. I thought maybe other mamas could use the idea. I've started giving DD a (totally dull, of course) cheese knife with her dinner to cut her soft foods with. She sits still and quiet while she eats, no complaining, and she eats the food she cuts! YAY! I guess the novelty of it is working for us right now.