I 'broke up' with my stb x husband 4 years ago, but we still lived under the same roof for 3 years, until just over a year ago I was able to rent an apartment for me and my 2 daughters. For reasons due to his total lack of introspection/denial he has only just realised that I am not just 'being difficult', and that we are not together. Anyway, once he had come to this belated realisation one of his first responses was that he would like both of us to be able to move onto new relationships. His second response was to agree to legal separation.
Now, Although I have been emotionally separate from him for a few years and economically independent for one year, I am now dreading how I will feel when he moves on to a new relationship. Maybe because of how our whole relationship played out, I feel like it would be yet another huge blow to my self-esteem. I don't really know what my issue is, but I know that even though I felt like most of the hard part is over (moving out and facing his family, etc...) I feel like this is going be another big deal for me.
Maybe I hold so much anger towards him and feel it would be really unfair for him to find happiness in a new relationship while I work two jobs and take care of the kids 24/7 and don't see any chance of meeting anyone (I live in an isolated rural location too), while he doesn't have a care in the world other than his work (his mum does his cooking, cleaning and laundry).
Anyway, although I can't suppress or deny any of these emotions/feelings I'm experiencing, I could do with a hand in reinforcing the side of me that wants to be ok with whatever goes on in his love life and get to a point where it doesn't affect me.
I find that not seeing him at all, or having very little contact with him is better for me and I dwell on things less. Although with the kids and everything I would say I see him at least every other day because he does not want to/is not capable of coming up with a regular schedule and basically comes and goes as he likes.
So, if anyone wants to share their experience of moving on and ways of coping would be helpful! I would like to get through it and heal.
Thanks and hugs!