I posted this first over in BF challenges but thought some of you ladies here might have had similar challenges and have some wise words for me?
Ok, so. I started BF DD (now 2yo) a few minutes after she was born. At our 1 wk checkup we realized she had lost too much weight, was dehydrated and my supply was practically nothing. I was well educated on BF, thought things were fine because she was alert and didn't cry, we had no pain, etc. She wasn't dirtying her diapers enough, though...and I never experienced any of the things you're supposed to feel when your milk comes in.
Fast forward, two months later, after every support (LLL, wonderful doctor, midwife) and prescription and herb, and bedrest and non-stop pumping and supplementing at the breast, I still had almost no milk (literally only a couple of ounces a day) and she was almost 100% formula fed from the supplementation. I was exhausted and so sad and finally decided to let it go. It was an enormous challenge for me and left me to deal with a lot of guilt and redefining the mother I was going to be. In the end, my DD is healthy and beautiful and whip smart and we are so close, I am at peace with what happened.
I'm 30 weeks pregnant with DD2 and I decided early in this pregnancy that unless there were obvious signs of breast change (I had almost none with DD), I would accept that I was likely not going to be able to BF this baby and I would not put myself through weeks/months of sleep deprivation and pain trying to make it work. So far, there has been almost no change again, just like the first time.
But now I realize I'm kind of clueless about what to do at the hospital when she is born. Has anyone out there been in this situation? Did you put your baby to the breast for comfort? I feel really wierd about the idea of doing this, like it's too emotionally painful to go there...but I do seem to be producing a bit of colostrum already, so maybe I should, just for that and a bit of comfort? When did you first feed them a bottle? Did you grieve all over again even though it was expected?
And before anyone asks, there is no milk bank in our city...and even if there were, I feel like using it would just compound my feelings of inadequacy...selfish, I know.