Worried my 9 month old doesn't get enough sleep.

[holothuroidea]

I'd just like some other mom's opinions on this issue.

I've vowed not to sleep train this baby. I did it with my first and it is one of my biggest regrets. We also only have one bedroom and I don't feel comfortable putting my toddler and her in the same room to sleep, so she stays with me all night in the living room. I've thought about it, though, and counting the hours she gets less than 12 hours of sleep most days.

She sleeps with me at night, I go to bed around 12 and wake up at 8. During the day I try to wear her in the wrap for at least an hour in the morning and she usually falls asleep in there, and then she'll nap for another hour while her sister takes a nap in the afternoon. I try to settle her down to sleep again after DD1 goes to sleep at around 9, but she wont fall asleep usually until 10 or 11. This is very difficult for everyone. DH wants to watch TV or play video games so there are bright lights and noise to contend with, and he doesn't have the patience to wait for the baby to go to sleep before he starts his activities. She's so overtired at night that it's difficult to calm her down and she hasn't been content to nurse to sleep since she was 4 months.

DH has pressured me to do the same thing with this baby as I did with Evelynn, so that we can have some alone time at night. I don't really see much of a problem. She doesn't get as much sleep as Evelynn did but she seems very happy and alert except for that hour or so at night and I feel like one difficult hour isn't such a bad price to pay for not sleep training her. 

What do you think?

ETA: I don't really understand why DH is complaining because we still manage to DTD most nights. I think he just imagines this fairy tale world where children don't exist after 8PM.

[sunwise]

I think that different babies have different sleep needs, and they don't all get the "recommended" amounts. I have worried about the same thing with my DS. (I only have one, so no other kids to compare his sleep to.) I have not sleep trained him. Some nights I can get him to go to sleep around 7:00pm and he will wake up around 6:00-7:00am. But other nights I can't get him down until after 8:00pm, but he still wakes at the same time. (He also wakes up to nurse several times each night.) And his naps are not great right now - he is approaching one year old, and many days he only naps once at daycare. (I think he still needs a second nap, but maybe he is starting to transition himself to one?) I worry when there are days that his total sleep is less than 12 hours. But I usually go by how he is acting -  if he is happy most of the time, then I think he is doing OK. If your LO is mostly fine during the day, then she is probably getting the sleep she needs.

[SeattleRain]

At that age, I found that sleep begets sleep. I also found that if I didn't put DS down early, he would get a second wind and it would be hard to get him down. So I would aim to get baby down between 6 and 8pm, even if you don't go to sleep with her. Do you have any sort of crib? Maybe you could put her down in a crib in the bedroom until your other DD goes to sleep, and then transfer her to sleep with you later on. My son is a "play to sleep" kind of kid, so I can put him in a crib awake with a few stuffed animals and he would play play play and then just collapse and go to sleep. No crying. Actually, I used to have about a second or two of crying when I would get up and leave the room, but it wasn't sustained or concerning to me. Has your DD ever gone to sleep on her own?

Also, I'd make sure she's getting enough nap during the day. I found (and still do) that if DS doesn't get enough daytime sleep, it often effected his nighttime sleep. It's true that some children don't have as high of a sleep need, but my philosophy is to offer the standard amount of sleep, and if they don't take it, that's fine, but you've given them the opportunity to sleep if they want it.

[lillymonster]

I will say both my kids gave up 2 naps a day at around 8-9 months, with the first I was worried about sleep, but with the second, and after talking to other mom's who had more than one kid, I realized some babies don't need as much sleep. Sometimes DD #2 takes 2 naps a day, sometimes only one longish one. She also goes to bed around 9:30. DD #1 doesn't go to bed until 10:30, so that might be a problem for school. She is 4, btw

Anyway, if your baby is content then they might not need enough sleep. There were many times I was trying to both kids to sleep at infant stages, and they would cry and cry and I thought "wow they are sooo overtired" so I tried harder, then I realized they weren't tired at all. So I would sit them down with a toy and try again 30 minutes later. I could get them to sleep without issue. So..I don't know...my nephew is 22 and all his life he was not a big sleeper and now only sleeps 5-6 hours a night. He is a pretty smart, normal kid.