I hope this is the right place to put this. I couldn't think of another forum more fitting.
I hope someone here can give some input. We are not even TTC'ing yet due to lack of insurance. This is an issue that we have talked about for many years. If something happened to DH and I, I don't know who we would trust with raising our kids.
Family background- When we were kids, my mom seemed uninterested in being a mom. We would get smacked/spanked/bitten etc. often without warning or even told why this happened. I realized early on this was frustration and sometimes revenge. Things are much better now. My youngest sibling is 21. I guess the pressure of being a parent is off. She is now the closer to sort of person I needed as a mom when I was growing up. My father was great, he would actually listen to me and it was always very easy to talk to him when I was upset about something. I would like the kids to be able to see my family. Although I am concerned about constant exposure.
Option 1. My sister and her husband. They just had their 1st, he is almost 18mos. Sis uses GD and set down strict rules with the family that no one will spank, bite or otherwise touch their DS in anger. The family respects this. My BIL, can be very mocking at times even towards children and can seem like a bully(calling out mistakes, rather obnoxiously. Seems to try to make others feel stupid) However, he is very loving and affectionate with his DS. They live only 5min away from my parents.
Option 2. Some good friends of ours. They are currently engaged. She is bipolar(I have to admit, I don't know a whole lot about bipolar disorder) They are both open minded, kind and generous people. They live 2000miles from my parents.
My DH's family-
His 2 step siblings are both still in high school.
His cousins seemed like really great loving parents. But ever since DH left their church, we don't hear from them. We were cut out of the family news letter(written by his aunt). We haven't seen or heard from them for about 8 years. 8 years is a long time, we have no idea who these people are now.
How are we supposed to make a decision like this? One of my biggest fears is having a baby and no one will seem like the right fit. This is a main reason we have put off having any kids, we haven't been able to pick anyone. Any input or advice would be much appreciated. Thanks