Rant: stop ignoring my pain!

[Ablemec]

I've been in increasingly bad pain for the last three weeks.  It started out just feeling sore, like I had been kicked in the crotch repeatedly.  Then it progressed to sharp stabbing pains in my vagina when I sit for too long, walk, stand on one leg, and going up stairs is next to impossible.  I've been to my midwives three times now.  The first time the speculum made me bleed, so I was in L&D for hours getting monitored.  After a while I was told the baby is fine and sent home with a "try to relax, you should be fine."  The pain got worse, so I went back in and was told this type of pain is normal, all pregnant women feel it, I should just try to go easy.  Last night I was in tears after work, and I could barely get home.  The walk seemed like it took ages.  We called my midwife on call who just explained that this is normal, my pubic bone is stretching, and all women feel it.  It's just one of the "joys" of pregnancy and I should just try to push through it.

I'm finding it very hard to believe that's true.  I'm no stranger to pain.  I played contact sports for years, have torn ligaments and dislocated joints.  I've had broken bones.  I've suffered from migraines all my life.  I'm not "uncomfortable."  I'm in a state of constant mild and frequent excruciating pain.  And I feel like I'm being treated like some hyper-sensitive hysterical first time mom.  I'm not worried about my baby.  I feel him all the time.  He's been checked a million times.  I know he's fine.  And now I'm being made to feel selfish because *I* don't feel fine.  And I feel like screaming "I'm more than just my baby.  It's great my baby is fine. Now please take care of ME."  I don't really know what to do at this point.  I've called in sick so many days because I can barely walk that I'm afraid I'm going to lose my job.  I just want someone to take me seriously.

[Jaimee]

I'm so sorry you've been in so much pain and no one seems to care or have suggestions for you.  It sounds like SPD: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symphysis_pubis_dysfunction.  There are several other DDC members who are dealing with this right now, too.  Often there are steps you can take to alleviate the pain some including MPT, chiropractic therapy, certain exercises for the pelvic floor, support bands, etc.  If you do a search in this forum and the I'm Pregnant forum I'm sure you'll find lots of information about it and some things to try.

I, fortunately, do not get SPD, but I do get dislocated ribs and with my first pregnancy, I also had a dislocated tailbone.  Often pregnancy is not fun and games and it can be hard when others brush off your issues and judge you for not viewing pregnancy as rainbows and butterflies.

Good luck! 

[IwannaBanRN]

I had mild SPD with my 2nd and the only way to deal with it was to REALLY take it easy do pelvic floor exercises and wear a band like Jaimee said. ((((hugs)))) to you!

[Ablemec]

Thanks to both of you!  I just wish I could convey to my midwives that I'm not a cry baby.  I'm actually in a lot of pain.  And I don't like being made to feel selfish because I'm worried about me in addition to my baby.  Of course baby comes first.  But I matter too, dangit!

[IwannaBanRN]

Do you take tylenol or anything for the pain? It'll help the pain a bit. You don't think that your midwives just think that you want a prescription for pain meds do you? I've been written off for pain because of that before.

[Ablemec]

I've taken Tylenol.  It does nothing for me.  I haven't asked for a prescription and am not really interested in that route.  If the pain gets worse, maybe, but the idea makes me really uncomfortable.  But maybe that's what they suspect.  I wanted 1. some suggestions on what can be done to minimize the pain and 2. if nothing can be done, a note for my work that I either have to work from home or some accommodations have to be made at work because I'm in agony by the end of the day.  And I got dismissed with "every pregnant woman goes through this."  

[IwannaBanRN]

I'm sorry. Some midwives are alot tougher than others. That really sucks.

[Lula's Mom]

We believe you!   I have just mild SPD where the left side of my crotch hurts when I am holding my 2 year old, especially bending down to put him on the toilet at night. Now the giant varicose vein I have on my vulva does not help either. I sympathize with you so much!  Mine hurts a little for a minute, you must be in agony.

Now, the serious pain I've gone through before in previous pregnancies has been my sciatic nerve.  Sometimes I can't walk because of that, and it has just come back.  I'm very afraid it will get worse soon. A chiropractor does help a lot with that, and I imagine chiro work could do a lot with SPD too.  I would try to find one who specifically has experience in aligning the pregnant pelvis.

Edited by Lula's Mom - 8/17/11 at 9:56am

[Abraisme]

If you have PSD, it does HURT.  Some days it might be mild and other days you may hardly be able to walk, put on pants or roll over in bed.  My chiropractor helps me some.   It definitely helps to keep my back in line, but doesn't alleviate all of the PSD (I go every 2 weeks anyway).  I tried to wear a support belt, but it was so uncomfortable that I gave up quickly.  It also helps me if I take it really easy.  If I over-do any physical activity I will pay for it for days. 

[Ablemec]

It's so nice to be believed!  DH called the midwives and pulled the Shirley MacClaine in Terms of Endearment.  He was very firm and explained that there is no way this is "normal" and someone needs to do something.  So now I have a referral to a physical therapy group that specializes in issues related to pregnancy, so I'm hopeful.  And I'm grateful to my husband.  Though definitely irritated that it took my man calling and getting gruff and grumpy for them to pay attention to me.  They're midwives!!  

[Ablemec]

Originally Posted by Lula's Mom 

We believe you!   I have just mild SPD where the left side of my crotch hurts when I am holding my 2 year old, especially bending down to put him on the toilet at night.  I sympathize with you so much!  Mine hurts a little for a minute, you must be in agony.

Now the serious pain I've gone through before in previous pregnancies has been my sciatic nerve.  Sometimes I can't walk because of that, and it has just come back.  I'm very afraid it will get worse soon. A chiropractor does help a lot with that, and I imagine chiro work could do a lot with SPD too.  I would try to find one who specifically has experience in aligning the pregnant pelvis.

I'm so sorry your sciatic nerve pain has come back.  Is it possible it's just fleeting?  Or is it likely to last until birth?  I hope you feel better!

[Sasha's Mama]

Originally Posted by Ablemec 

It's so nice to be believed!  DH called the midwives and pulled the Shirley MacClaine in Terms of Endearment.  He was very firm and explained that there is no way this is "normal" and someone needs to do something.  So now I have a referral to a physical therapy group that specializes in issues related to pregnancy, so I'm hopeful.  And I'm grateful to my husband.  Though definitely irritated that it took my man calling and getting gruff and grumpy for them to pay attention to me.  They're midwives!!  

That is a little ridiculous that they will listen to him but not to you! On the upside, it should be easy to get a note from the PT group because they'll likely be way more familiar w/how this can impact your life & work. And I don't know how it works everywhere else, but at my work the FMLA leave covers both before & after you have your baby - as in 12 weeks of covered off time before birth & 12 weeks after birth. Not that anyone could afford to take that much time off! So if you do get a note, see if you can have HR do it as FMLA leave when you work half days or just a few days a week.

I really hope this gets better for you soon!

[justamama]

Yep, sounds like SPD. (((((())))) My doctor, fwiw, said he has had women intermitently (sp?) use Aleve (naproxen) throughout their pregnancies to treat the pain as needed for 30 years with no ill effects. I also wound up with vicodin for the breakthrough pain. After taking them together at bedtime last night, I woke up this morning pain free for the first time in months.

Some tips to try when your care provider isn't so, erm, caring: use a ring sling, long scarf, or rebozo sling tied TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT around the pelvic bones. It'll totally cut your butt in half and look funny, but it helps hold the pubic joint stable so it can't move around. The bottom of a maternity support belt worn lower than recommended can do the same thing under clothing. Chiropractic CAN help, but unless you find the rare one that actually adjust the pubic bone itself, I've found it's effects to be minimal and more secondary (like it relieves the hip pain that can happen from babying the pubic joint). Put a plastic bag under you in the car and rotate yourself in and out rather than stepping in and out. Keeping the legs together above the knees as much as you can. Turning in bed do it with legs together, and if necessary have your partner hold your hips together while you turn. Skirts are your friend since you don't step into them like pants. GGoing commando isn't just for "bad girls" anymore. ;) Hot baths can help and as long as you don't make yourself uncomfortably hot, they're safe for baby. Some people suggest physical therapy, I've never done it personally. 

[Ablemec]

Originally Posted by justamama 

Yep, sounds like SPD. (((((())))) My doctor, fwiw, said he has had women intermitently (sp?) use Aleve (naproxen) throughout their pregnancies to treat the pain as needed for 30 years with no ill effects. I also wound up with vicodin for the breakthrough pain. After taking them together at bedtime last night, I woke up this morning pain free for the first time in months.

Some tips to try when your care provider isn't so, erm, caring: use a ring sling, long scarf, or rebozo sling tied TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT around the pelvic bones. It'll totally cut your butt in half and look funny, but it helps hold the pubic joint stable so it can't move around. The bottom of a maternity support belt worn lower than recommended can do the same thing under clothing. Chiropractic CAN help, but unless you find the rare one that actually adjust the pubic bone itself, I've found it's effects to be minimal and more secondary (like it relieves the hip pain that can happen from babying the pubic joint). Put a plastic bag under you in the car and rotate yourself in and out rather than stepping in and out. Keeping the legs together above the knees as much as you can. Turning in bed do it with legs together, and if necessary have your partner hold your hips together while you turn. Skirts are your friend since you don't step into them like pants. GGoing commando isn't just for "bad girls" anymore. ;) Hot baths can help and as long as you don't make yourself uncomfortably hot, they're safe for baby. Some people suggest physical therapy, I've never done it personally. 

So do you just go about your daily life as is?  I can't imagine continuing work if this keeps going on.  I feel like a baby because I have a desk job, but I work in a highly stressful, brain intensive job from 8-12 hours a day, and I cannot imagine continuing to do that feeling like this.  I've called in sick a bunch, but they're going to want to put me on short term disability if this keeps going, and I'm wondering if people just tend to live with this, would it even qualify for short term disability?

[justamama]

Originally Posted by Ablemec 

So do you just go about your daily life as is?  I can't imagine continuing work if this keeps going on.  I feel like a baby because I have a desk job, but I work in a highly stressful, brain intensive job from 8-12 hours a day, and I cannot imagine continuing to do that feeling like this.  I've called in sick a bunch, but they're going to want to put me on short term disability if this keeps going, and I'm wondering if people just tend to live with this, would it even qualify for short term disability?

I've been lucky enough that I've been at home for each of my pregnancies, so I haven't had to worry about work. This last pregnancy (when it was the worst, and I didn't seek help from the doctor and my midwife was/is an underground DEM, so she could only give me the same tips I knew of) was the worst. There were many days when I could barely get out of bed. My oldest was great at making peanut butter sandwiches, and we had a snack station and my laptop w/DVDs set up in my room so the girls and I could have "camp out" days in mama's bed. DH used to have a video on his phone of DD2 doing something cute, but in it I walked past. It was the night before DD3 was born, and I couldn't believe later how I looked walking. I walked in the same manner as my severely arthritic grandmother after she'd broken her hip and went through rehab being told she'd never walk more than from her kitchen to the living room again. :/

Can you bring an exercise ball to sit on instead of your desk chair? I am picking up a new one today because it really does help to sit on it versus regular furniture. But, yes, a lot of people do wind up just going on with life as is. I think the lack of compassion and seeking to find a good treatment protocol for women with SPD is one of the biggest crocks in maternity care (but with the state of it in our country, it isn't surprising). I hate to say it, but if your midwives aren't taking you seriously, you may ask to see an OB within their practice (if they have one) for this issue and continue to see them for prenatals. I've told DH that if it gets worse than it did with DD3 this time, and I am seriously debilitated, I may talk to my Dr about medical induction. Because to me, it would be a justified reasoning. Especially with kids to take care of. And this is from someone who is currently planning to UC! This is, unfortunately, one of those instances where you have to really advocate for yourself with the providers because many of them are SO inexperienced with SPD and seem to be more inclined to cast your pain aside rather than educate themselves and admit they may really not know all there is to know about something.

This website has a LOT of great information:

http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/pubicpain.htm

[IwannaBanRN]

Do you sit in a desk chair at all? Maybe you could sit on a yoga ball?

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

DDCC: I had pretty severe SPD with my daughter and it's starting up now again at 7 weeks. I also got similar callous treatment by medical professionals and friends. It sucks, it's not normal, and it's why this is my last pregnancy. I found chiropractic helped a lot.

[Ablemec]

Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN 

Do you sit in a desk chair at all? Maybe you could sit on a yoga ball?

I often sit on a yoga ball.  It's definitely better than sitting in a regular desk chair.  But I'm often in meetings in a boss's office, or a conference room, and it's difficult.  And what's more difficult is walking.  It sounds weird, I know, but I walk like my arthritic grandmother who has two fake hips.  It takes me forever to go anywhere.  For that reason I've been hydrating probably less than I should because getting to the bathroom at my office takes forever!

[IwannaBanRN]

You POOR thing! I am so glad I didn't have to work when I was pregnant with my DD. We did have stairs though and our bed sat high. I literally used to lean on the edge of the bed fall back on it and try to painlessly roll to wear I had to lay. lol Try doing that with a 34 week tummy. It was quite a sight.

[AprilGlynn]

I had an enormous amount of pain and trauma in my pelvis and tailbone and I'm seeing a chiropractor who specializes in prenatal chiro care and it has been completely magic. I don't know how I ever lived without this woman and she is working with me at a reduced price because I'm paying out of pocket.