discouraged...

[AliceMay]

DD is 16 weeks and I started EC at 2 weeks. Up until about last week things were so good!! Some days no misses, all poos in toilet since two months and it just generally felt great. Oh, and she was diaper free at night and rarely wet the bed. Since it is summer I also had her diaper free all the time at home and felt very positive about that. Sure, misses happen and I got peed on a fair bit but I always felt positive. Now I think DD is going through a growth spurt (she is very fussy while nursing, which makes it hard for me to catch her cues!) and it feels a little like things are falling apart! Vastly more misses that catches, several pees a night on the diaper pad she sleeps on, several dramatic poo accidents (but with that at least her schedule is WAY off, because she is nursing so much).... and I feel like I'm often getting it wrong. And feel as though if anybody were watching this they would be right to think the whole diaper free thing is crazy!

I know it's not about catches, it's about communication, but I guess that s where I feel like I'm not doing well.

Any encouragement? I'd love to hope this was a phase....that the success we had before will be like groundwork and things might go back to how they were and that it wasn't just some odd beginners luck... Of course, as I mentioned we are going through this thing where she is very fussy while nursing, which was another thing that was going well, so I think I'm just feeling a little discouraged.

[heatherr30]

That sounds like us a few weeks ago!  See my similar post also near the top of the screen. :)

What set it off for us was a 2 week trip where DS was in sposies all the time and other than cueing for poos after a feed I did hardly any EC.

Now we feel to be back on track again, but for DS that means catching 90% of poos but only a few pees per day. 

Sometimes I think it's nice to take a step back and observe if the signals, timing has changed, or maybe your DD is just out of synch because of other factors going on.  And compare what you are doing with a baby who is in diapers all the time, doesn't know what a toilet is, doesn't get bare bottom time and has to sit in a wet diaper all the time and poop in their diaper cause no one takes it off for them (no criticism intended, just trying to make the point that you are doing more EC than you realize...)

I also think you're well entitled to use diapers for a while, or get some trainers, change them immediately if that makes you feel better.  Your DD might be glad for the break too.  People living in mud huts don't have furniture, carpets, etc and don't have to worry about a little accident here and there.

Ooops I've gotta go, DS awake. 

[AliceMay]

Thanks for this. For one thing, things did improve - had a dry  night and lots of catches the next day. But I also tried to adjust my thinking in the way you suggest. On the occasions when we are out and she is in a diaper and happens to wet I change her right away thinking "sorry sweetie!" - this is the norm for many babies - minus the being changed quickly and it is rare for us! Also focusing on offering lots of potty times in a relaxed and happy manor (out-side in our beautiful weather!) and not worrying about misses. She isn't mobile yet so I just have her sit or lie on a pre fold. Just needed to adjust my mindset a bit, thanks.

[flyrabbitfly]

Ah- DD is so young! Be prepared for many many steps back, many steps forward in the EC journey! Being aware that many things affect EC can help you not stress so much when things don't click for awhile- there will be crawling, walking, talking, new foods when you introduce solids, travel, visitors, TEETHING, etc etc. I wish I had been able to relax more in the beginning- being TOO focused on EC can sometimes take away from your enjoyment of the things that are causing the little setbacks, like rolling over etc. EC is just  a small part of your baby's life- try to let it be a small part of your life too! Enjoy each moment- it goes by so fast!

[riboflavin]

Yep, there will be many times when the catching is not going well in your journey, if yours is anything like mine! I tried to look at each phase like a fun challenge. I would carefully observe what was going on and come up with many different techniques to try to overcome the phase. Four months is also when our star EC baby started getting less predictable. Look for changing cues, try different potty spots, different receptacles and holds, try in front of a mirror of you haven't, etc. Don't worry, she will most likely be back on track before you know it, until the next milestone that is!!

[nilatti]

So, I agree with what everyone else has said, but wanted to add a few things.

First, I really think that most EC families go through good times and bad times. It's hard to remember that it's about communication, not catches, especially when you think, "What if my friends saw this???" Well, in my house, we talk about remembering to count catches, not misses. If you have only 2 catches per day, you are still saving yourself over 700 diapers! Even at our worst times with EC, there have been very few days when we haven't caught *something*. (I also remember yelling at DH for telling people who were struggling with potty-training their three-year-old that our baby was potty trained...at about 12 weeks. He wasn't, of course. We were just having a good couple weeks for EC. And I fear karmic vengeance for that kind of hubris!)

Second, one thing that no one told me was the manner in which DS's cues would change. People talk about cues "evolving." Well, maybe it works that way for some babies. For mine, it was like he woke up one morning with a whole new repertoire that I had to learn. This happened at four months, seven months, and ten months. Since we started EC at 1 month, I guess that's every three months, like clockwork. So maybe that's part of what is happening in your family. Try going back to basics--wearing her a lot, cuing a lot, etc. Imagine you're just starting with EC now, at four months. 

Lastly, it's really hard to catch the cues when baby is teething or generally fussing for some other reason. That's just how it is...an amber necklace really seemed to help my son with his low-level whining while teething (but not with the major acute pain of it).

Good luck, and hang in there!

[AndreaOlson]

Haha...nilatti, my partner would brag in the same way saying our son was potty trained...we still had a miss tonight, which is why I'm up on the internet instead of sleeping. It was big, I was frustrated, this shouldn't be happening, etc. But you know what? He's teething. I'm trying to be easy on myself. Although, yes, AliceMay, it is so frustrating to have misses after so much catching.

AliceMay - My first thought is that I think the fussy nursing might be a sign of teething happening. Know that a tooth might not emerge for another 8 months, but that if you take care of the pain, the EC will likely go back to normal. I learned this from my partner who suggested that on our recent camping trip. I went above and beyond my usual homeopathic spread (arnica and chamomilla) and got the children's tylenol goin' on. And baby was back to normal signals and lots of catches within the day. That may just be us, but something is going on. Is there a recent diet change for you? A move? Or perhaps you're right...could just be a growth spurt.

In any case, keep level-headed. Reflect what you see happening matter-of-factly. Consider using back-up diapering (or trainers) where you may not have before, and just chalk it up to saving your sanity. You will likely get back to diaper-free sleeping in no time...but if you stress in the meanwhile it will affect it all on a deep level. Life is not 100% potty - I have to be reminded of this constantly!

Keep wearing your baby too...at 6 months it helped me reconnect when all of a sudden we had to *gasp* change a poopy diaper...for 7 days of poop...wearing him again helped so much. :)

You are doing great just by reaching out for support!! Hang in there mama...we've all been there.

Andrea & Kaiva 12 mos.

EC Simplified

[AliceMay]

Thanks everybody! When I look back at that post I think "what was that about?"! ;) I think it was just one of those things. And yes, I know to expect that over our EC journey there will be many times like these. Things got "back to normal", which is nice. We are also learning to deal with the more frequent poops, and quite well I must say! But I am also doings as so many of you recommend and trying to relax about it. Really, most of the time I'm pretty good at that, despite how that post sounded! I also kind of feel like we've established a connection and I'm gaining confidence that even after a period of being off, we can still come back to that.

I think partially what goes on is that because I am the only person I know ECing (you know, I've heard of others, but not like I have friends who are or anything) and i didn't see it practiced with the babies I've come in contact with (through babysitting, growing up....) we are a bit alone. Occasionally I feel like it needs to "really work" or I'll second guess myself. Do you know what I mean? But that is fading, I think, especially now that I have been ECing her for several months and it feels normal. Actually, the idea of just having her in diapers in the "normal" way seems....really weird now.

Anyway, thanks for the encouragement and reminder to not stress about it! 9I know next time we have a break I'll come back to read this...;)) 

[somegirl99]

Had to respond to the comment below.  Actually now that my DS wants to stand to pee (and poop too, but that's another story), and there is no consistency to the direction it comes out, we have far more wet diapers with a catch than we do with a miss (we use our outgrown prefolds to wipe up).  I told DH it's a good thing we're not doing this to save on laundry.
 

Originally Posted by nilatti 

First, I really think that most EC families go through good times and bad times. It's hard to remember that it's about communication, not catches, especially when you think, "What if my friends saw this???" Well, in my house, we talk about remembering to count catches, not misses. If you have only 2 catches per day, you are still saving yourself over 700 diapers! Even at our worst times with EC, there have been very few days when we haven't caught *something*. (I also remember yelling at DH for telling people who were struggling with potty-training their three-year-old that our baby was potty trained...at about 12 weeks. He wasn't, of course. We were just having a good couple weeks for EC. And I fear karmic vengeance for that kind of hubris!)

[AliceMay]

Yep, I can understand that! Sometimes we save on laundry and only have to do it every 5 days, instead of every other. But sometimes we end up using MORE diapers because I never leave her wet (she will just be lying on a pre fold) and I see it right away. Also, I don't know if this is because we EC but if she pees on a pre fold she tends to just do a little here and there, instead of a big one on the toilet so if I lazily just think I'll change the pre fold and don't take her to pee se is liable to pee again right away!