I'm scared of birth this time, update in OP

[Mama~Love]

And I don't know how to overcome it. I'm 30 weeks pregnant with twins. I don't know how I'll handle it, and don't know if I can. I'm having a period of weakness here. I'm scared of the unknown this time. I was never scared with any of my others, my last was born at home. I can't pinpoint what it is exactly that scares me, but maybe it's feeling like I have no control over the situation? I hope I can gain some confidence between now & the birth. I don't want to go into it feeling this way. I have hired a doula to be with me; DH will be there too, but he's never been much help to me while I'm in labor.

Anyone have any advice or help they can give me?? I'd appreciate it!


***UPDATE***

Well, I found out that my Dr. that I really liked & trust (which is HUGE for me) is out with an injury for at least the next month. Now I'm stuck with a Dr. I've never met, whom I don't trust, who might be at my birth. I don't know anything about this Dr., or what his experience is with twins. I don't know who will be there now, if I'll get this Dr., or whoever is on call. So, now there's that to worry about. I met with my doula, and she's awesome. I have faith in her that she will be a great help to us. I'm still feeling scared about the whole thing.
Edited by Mama~Love - 9/1/11 at 4:41am

[kitkat5505]

I totally understand. With twins there's a whole new set of worries and unknowns when it comes to birth. I finally had to just resign myself to the fact that there were many things out of my control and I just needed to remain open to whatever needed to happen to get them there safe. I did what I could to make sure they were head down, but beyond that I tried not to have any expectations about the birth because I knew that things could change in an instant. I also had fears from my previous birth that had ended in a c/s under general so I was afraid of labor and something like that happening again. I planned to get to the hospital with enough time to get my gbs abx, get my epidural (in case something happened, I didn't want another c/s under general), and by closely watched since it was a vba2c. But they surprised me with a fast labor and none of those plans happened lol. I think it's important to just go over many different scenarios so when the time comes you may not have control over birth but you can control how you react to things. I would constantly think to myself "If they are both head down and things are going well, this is what I'll do", "If the second baby turns breech will the Dr be comfortable with that or do a c/s?", "What will I do if the first baby comes out fine but I need a c/s for the second?" Just try to familiarize your thinking with the different things that might happen, that will help you feel like you have at least control over the decisions you might have to make even if the birth itself is not something you can completely control.

[Mama~Love]

Kara, thank you so much! Both babies are head down (as of the last U/S, next one is on the 30th), and I'm praying they stay that way. My biggest fear right now is having a C/S. I've never had one before, and surgery terrifies me. I've seen DH go through it twice, my DD#2 had open heart surgery when she was 2, and hospitals in general make me uneasy and nervous. My labors tend to be on the short side, as long as I can relax & surrender to it. I'm hoping having my doula there will help with some of this. My OB said as long as the first baby is head down, she will either turn the other or deliver him/her breech. I will try what you suggested & think through things in different ways to help prepare myself.

[Altair]

Something else to remember is that if you do end up needing a c-section, it's still an amazingly beautiful day meeting the little loves of your life!  I wanted a homebirth so badly, and stuck it out for 3 days, but in the end I needed a c-section and I had NEVER entertained the possibility before.  But in the end, of course, it was the most amazing beautiful day of my life (as you know from your others!) and there was no *failure* whatsoever.  Just a birth. 

I agree with the PP that imagining all of the possibilities of birth and being OK with whatever comes gives a degree of control over a situation.  And once you do that mental work, then you're free to focus on giving yourself the best chance of having a normal natural labor and birth.  I know when I have another baby I will have more fear than the last time-- because I know more intimately that it's not all in my control.  Working towards the goal of having as intervention free birth as you want, but also surrendering to whatever our children need to be born safely is a gift we give them, I think. 

[Mama~Love]

Thank you for the advice Altair! I do have a lot of thinking to do to prepare my mind mentally. I need to free it from all this worry, which will be hard, but I can do it!