Down Syndrome

[mother0]

Hi,

I am 23 years old, I don't smoke or drink alcohol.  I eat wholegrain foods, boiled potatoes and greens, spinach, sprouts, carrots every other day and exercise twice a week.

I am currently 4 months pregnant and I'm carrying a baby with Down's...  After all that hard work and all I get is a freak of nature.

I think I have no option but to abort it.  I don't want me or my baby to suffer embarrassment as it will only get picked on for looking different.

I'm so confused right now what do you think I should do?

[Thing1Thing2]

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It is never pleasant to find out something like this. Sounds like your emotions are still raw and need some healing.

There are plenty of people with Down's babies, and it is not considered an embarassment once you come to terms with the emotions. If you can, spend some time in the special needs section of the forums.

Hope this helps

[Forgiven]

I love this girl's website. i found it by reading her birth story (on her blog at the bottom of the page)

I enjoy seeing pictures of Nella growing up. I was always scared of having a down syndrome baby until this. Now, I think it would be just fine.

http://www.kellehampton.com/

[Toposlonoshlep]

You sound angry and raw still from the shock of finding out your baby's diagnosis. This is normal. There are no guarantees in life and all we can do is prepare ourselves the best we can for our journey. No one can tell you whether you are ready to love your baby as s/he is. No one can tell you what the right steps are. Children with Down's are not freaks of nature. They are unique, beautiful, affectionate, loving beings, who contribute to and enrich their parents' lives as well as the lives of others they meet. I agree that you should connect with parents of children with Down's and hear others' real experiences. That blog link above is beautiful!!! Good luck, mama. This may not be the unjust punishment you perceive it to be at first. It may be a challenge AND a blessing. Lots of love your way!

[Soul-O]

I recently read that there is a 2 yr waitlist for families who want to adopt an infant with Down's.  Here's a link to a Christian adoption and informational organization for birth parents and adoptive parents of children with Downs. 

http://reecesrainbow.org/ 

This organization is just one of many who want to help these babies find forever homes.  Mama, please understand that there is a loving family waiting for your baby if you do not feel that you can parent him/her in yourself. 

Take care of yourself and please don't hesitate to ask for help or seek counseling.  The news of your baby's diagnosis must be so distressing and shocking to you, so give yourself some time to grieve and process before making any decisions.  Good luck, and (((hugs))) to you.

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by mother0 

Hi,

I am 23 years old, I don't smoke or drink alcohol.  I eat wholegrain foods, boiled potatoes and greens, spinach, sprouts, carrots every other day and exercise twice a week.

I am currently 4 months pregnant and I'm carrying a baby with Down's...  After all that hard work and all I get is a freak of nature.

I think I have no option but to abort it.  I don't want me or my baby to suffer embarrassment as it will only get picked on for looking different.

I'm so confused right now what do you think I should do?

I must be the only person that thinks this offensive post was created for that purpose - to be offensive. I find it hard to believe that a person innocently creates their one and only post on a natural parenting forum to ask a question like this, inflammatory language and all.  Further, the fact that you're 16 weeks (at the most), young, and healthy, and yet you know your little baby has Down Syndrome is, well, unusual, at best.

My opinion is that you should either learn how to conduct yourself in a respectful manner or you should get your jollies elsewhere.  

[Vancouver Mommy]

I'm afraid this was my first thought too.

Originally Posted by Mulvah 

I must be the only person that thinks this offensive post was created for that purpose - to be offensive. I find it hard to believe that a person innocently creates their one and only post on a natural parenting forum to ask a question like this, inflammatory language and all.  Further, the fact that you're 16 weeks (at the most), young, and healthy, and yet you know your little baby has Down Syndrome is, well, unusual, at best.

My opinion is that you should either learn how to conduct yourself in a respectful manner or you should get your jollies elsewhere.  

[Toposlonoshlep]

Originally Posted by Mulvah 

I must be the only person that thinks this offensive post was created for that purpose - to be offensive. I find it hard to believe that a person innocently creates their one and only post on a natural parenting forum to ask a question like this, inflammatory language and all.  Further, the fact that you're 16 weeks (at the most), young, and healthy, and yet you know your little baby has Down Syndrome is, well, unusual, at best.

My opinion is that you should either learn how to conduct yourself in a respectful manner or you should get your jollies elsewhere.  

It's hard to separate anger and confusion from maliciousness sometimes. I was very struck by the harshness of the language as well, but it could just be raw emotion. It is hard to edit yourself when emotions are raw. As for her baby's diagnosis, it is quite possible. Amniocentesis is usually performed between 11-20 weeks, so it is quite possible that she just received the diagnosis. Young ad healthy mothers give birth to babies with Down's. It's possible. I know my doubts as a mother first brought me to MDC, and I have found a community here. There is a reason for every new post, and newcomers may not be aware of the general "air" of things. It is quite possible that I am just gullible, but I would hate to chastise and alienate someone in distress just because I suspect they are being malicious. 
 

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by Toposlonoshlep 

It's hard to separate anger and confusion from maliciousness sometimes. I was very struck by the harshness of the language as well, but it could just be raw emotion. It is hard to edit yourself when emotions are raw. As for her baby's diagnosis, it is quite possible. Amniocentesis is usually performed between 11-20 weeks, so it is quite possible that she just received the diagnosis. Young ad healthy mothers give birth to babies with Down's. It's possible. I know my doubts as a mother first brought me to MDC, and I have found a community here. There is a reason for every new post, and newcomers may not be aware of the general "air" of things. It is quite possible that I am just gullible, but I would hate to chastise and alienate someone in distress just because I suspect they are being malicious. 

I think it's great there are people like you out there; they balance out the cynical meanies like me. 

This poster has created only one thread and the language she used is over the top, regardless of her frame of mind.  One can be frustrated, one can be angry, one can even express a fear of embarrassment over their child.  There is a way to do that in a tactful and genuine manner.  There is a way to do it so as to intentionally anger people and the original post screams the latter to me.  

I don't find it hard to believe that a 23YO healthy woman could or would have a child with Down Syndrome.  What I find hard to believe is that the 23YO healthy woman would know she has a baby with Down Syndrome at 16 weeks pregnant (at the most).  

[Toposlonoshlep]

Well, diagnostically its possible of she's had an amnio test, which would be done around this time and would be pretty definitive about the extra chromosome. I guess I just don't want to think about the possibility of someone making that effort just to be mean and cruel. 

I guess I am hoping that this isn't the case. Either way, I hope the OP finds her peace.

Originally Posted by Mulvah 

I think it's great there are people like you out there; they balance out the cynical meanies like me. 

This poster has created only one thread and the language she used is over the top, regardless of her frame of mind.  One can be frustrated, one can be angry, one can even express a fear of embarrassment over their child.  There is a way to do that in a tactful and genuine manner.  There is a way to do it so as to intentionally anger people and the original post screams the latter to me.  

I don't find it hard to believe that a 23YO healthy woman could or would have a child with Down Syndrome.  What I find hard to believe is that the 23YO healthy woman would know she has a baby with Down Syndrome at 16 weeks pregnant (at the most).  

[Soul-O]

If the OP is a military spouse or service member who is using a military treatment facility, chances are that she was offered an amnio, even at her age.  This is the new protocol, according my OB, and it will eventually replace the quad screening at most military facilities.  It could also be that she is basing her post on having had the serial blood tests + nuchal translucency, which is not a certain diagnosis.  Anyhow, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt and posting the info on Downs adoptions in hopes that she might reconsider abortion.

[Mommel]

Me too... I would also recommend the book "Expecting Adam" by Martha Beck. It's an autobiographical story of a woman who knew she was expecting a Down's baby and her journey of emotions from start to finish through his first year of life. It is a beautiful tale, and an acquaintance of mine who is expecting her first child who has also been diagnosed with Down's has found great comfort in it.

It is a very emotional and scary thing to discover... and to react with anything less than love and compassion, no matter the original intentions of the OP (which no one can possibly presume to know) only adds fear and distaste to an already difficult to read post. Why compound it? If you think it's meant to cause a reaction then why respond at all? I guess I've just always gone by the rule "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"... which can be surprisingly compatible with civic action, activism and standing up for oneself and other people without being a doormat. It takes a little work to strike that balance, but it's so worth it. There's a big difference between being mean and being compassionately assertive.
 

Originally Posted by Toposlonoshlep 

It's hard to separate anger and confusion from maliciousness sometimes. I was very struck by the harshness of the language as well, but it could just be raw emotion. It is hard to edit yourself when emotions are raw. As for her baby's diagnosis, it is quite possible. Amniocentesis is usually performed between 11-20 weeks, so it is quite possible that she just received the diagnosis. Young ad healthy mothers give birth to babies with Down's. It's possible. I know my doubts as a mother first brought me to MDC, and I have found a community here. There is a reason for every new post, and newcomers may not be aware of the general "air" of things. It is quite possible that I am just gullible, but I would hate to chastise and alienate someone in distress just because I suspect they are being malicious. 

[Mulvah]

I'm sure the OP will happily take the information posted here and utilise that as part of her back story providing "evidence".  I'm also pretty sure the OP got exactly what she wanted from this thread.  

Originally Posted by Mommel 

It is a very emotional and scary thing to discover... and to react with anything less than love and compassion, no matter the original intentions of the OP (which no one can possibly presume to know) only adds fear and distaste to an already difficult to read post. Why compound it? If you think it's meant to cause a reaction then why respond at all? I guess I've just always gone by the rule "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"... which can be surprisingly compatible with civic action, activism and standing up for oneself and other people without being a doormat. It takes a little work to strike that balance, but it's so worth it. There's a big difference between being mean and being compassionately assertive.

I wish the OP had done that, herself.  Funny how that works.  I'm sorry, I don't excuse those types of remarks on a message board simply because one may be angry, confused, or frustrated.  Many people have been there and many have still managed to conduct themselves with dignity.  Sure, people handle things differently, but I'm going to comment on a post I take issue with, regardless of how others view it.

Originally Posted by Soul-O 

Anyhow, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt and posting the info on Downs adoptions in hopes that she might reconsider abortion.

I think that was lovely of you.

[Mommel]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mulvah 

I'm sure the OP will happily take the information posted here and utilise that as part of her back story providing "evidence".  I'm also pretty sure the OP got exactly what she wanted from this thread.  

I wish the OP had done that, herself.  Funny how that works.  I'm sorry, I don't excuse those types of remarks on a message board simply because one may be angry, confused, or frustrated.  Many people have been there and many have still managed to conduct themselves with dignity.  Sure, people handle things differently, but I'm going to comment on a post I take issue with, regardless of how others view it.

Maybe I'm just naive or confused, but I fail to see where any of this provides "evidence" for anything... ? Maybe she did and maybe she didn't get what she wanted, but frankly it didn't affect me either way and I chose to take the time to read it and respond for which I take personal responsibility. I guess it was worth the time to me (then again, I have a lot of that right now - LOL). I responded to fear with love, which is my only goal in any situation where someone is either genuinely hurting or, if they are being disingenuous, then hurting indirectly and expressing it inappropriately by being hurtful.

And by all means, you should comment on posts you take issue with... I certainly do. I like to think that just because others are offensive doesn't give me the right to retaliate likewise, but that doesn't stop me from speaking up... I just take a different tack. Granted, I don't do that perfectly by any means, but it's a goal.

"Kill them with kindness" might be another of those mottos that I like. 

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by Mommel 

Quote:

Maybe I'm just naive or confused, but I fail to see where any of this provides "evidence" for anything... ? Maybe she did and maybe she didn't get what she wanted, but frankly it didn't affect me either way and I chose to take the time to read it and respond for which I take personal responsibility. I guess it was worth the time to me (then again, I have a lot of that right now - LOL). I responded to fear with love, which is my only goal in any situation where someone is either genuinely hurting or, if they are being disingenuous, then hurting indirectly and expressing it inappropriately by being hurtful.

And by all means, you should comment on posts you take issue with... I certainly do. I like to think that just because others are offensive doesn't give me the right to retaliate likewise, but that doesn't stop me from speaking up... I just take a different tack. Granted, I don't do that perfectly by any means, but it's a goal.

"Kill them with kindness" might be another of those mottos that I like. 

I guess we will have to agree to disagree.  I don't think my posts were offensive.  Pointed, yes, but offensive, no.  

(I have a bit of time on my hands this week, so I've been a lot more chatty, myself.)

[Mommel]

Originally Posted by Mulvah 

I guess we will have to agree to disagree.  I don't think my posts were offensive.  Pointed, yes, but offensive, no.  

(I have a bit of time on my hands this week, so I've been a lot more chatty, myself.)

Okay... 

For the record, I didn't find them specifically offensive either... maybe just a tad harshly worded.

I was actually responding to Toposlonoshlep's comment about trying to believe the best in people and not wanting to chastise people because of a suspicion. I see now that when you quoted me originally you bolded the comment about not saying anything if you don't have anything nice to say... that was NOT directed at you personally... it was a statement of personal intention that supported what I was saying to Topslonoshlep in agreement with her stance of trying to believe the best in people and treating everyone that way regardless of their intentions. I believe that you were the one who referred to yourself as a "cynical meanie".

I like chatty people. I tend to be very literal and somewhat verbose myself.  

[Alenushka]

Eating whole grains and spinach has nothing to do with genetic issues. I have son with bipolar disorder. It runs in my family. all the organic food in the world would have not prevented it.

If this is what you feel you have a few options;

a) Have an abortion

b) Put baby for adoption

c) change how you feel.

Read some books about genetics.

[Cynthia Mosher]

mother0 - welcome to Mothering.

You've received some excellent advice here and I hope it has helped you deal with the mix of emotions you're having. I'm sure you can appreciate that calling a Down Syndrome fetus a "freak of nature" is highly offensive to parents who have Down Syndrome children. 

I think everyone would like to hear from you again so we can feel that you are sincere in your membership here. 

[mother0]

Hi,

Sorry for the harsh comments but that is how I truly feel.  I am angry, frustrated with myself; I have inferior genes and I'm a useless "Mother".

I don't want to be burdened with this it will be picked on for the rest of its life.... and what about when it grows up??  How the hell is it going to get a job in this day and age??

Perhaps I'm being punished.  Perhaps it's God's way of saying you don't deserve a child, the planet is saturated enough as it is and if that's the case then I will lean towards abortion.

Perhaps my mission in life is to prevent saturation so that other parents' kids won't have fierce competition in the future.

[mother0]

I've read through all your comments and I've decided not to go ahead with abortion.

Thank you Soul-0 for the webpage I will look into it as I see no other choice at the moment.  Please accept my apologies I was just so angry at myself and I'm sorry for redirecting my hatred amongst the community.