16 yr old basset hound and poor quality of life, disagreement with DH and extremely stressful - Page 2

[vtechmom]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this and the dog is being forced to live like this.  I really don't have anything that I think could make your DH change his mind.  It sounds like he has his head buried in the sand and I don't know what there is that you haven't tried already that could change that.

I do want to say, as a vet tech, that I agree 100% with whoever you talked to that told you this dog is suffering.  Dogs are not humans, they don't have "memories" (they can associate things, but that's different than being able to go "remember when..."), they don't have a concept of the future, all they have is the moment.  This dog is having bad moment after bad moment and, at 16 yrs old, there are no good moments in the future.  I can deal with sick/injured dogs and cats hating me/attacking me and still have sympathy for the animal because I know they are just living in the moment.  They don't know that what I am doing will make them feel better, but I do.  In the case of your bassett though, there is no feeling better in his future.  Their is just pain and more pain until he dies.  So again, I'm so incredibly sorry that you and the dog are having to go through this, but if it's any consolation I think you are 100% correct in wanting to euthanize this dog.

I'll leave you with my favorite quote in regards to euthanasia.  "The greatest gift we give an animal is to take away their pain and make it our own."

[oaktreemama]

While I am not a fan of lying to my hubby in general in this case I would have no problem. I would take the dog and have him euthanized. He is suffering greatly and what kind of life is it to lay around in your own filth until someone cleans you up?

I would tell hubby that the dog collapsed so you rushed him to the vet and he had to be put to sleep. When it comes to an animal suffering-an animal who is suffering because one human won't make the right decision-well, in that case I would make the right decision for the human.

It also sounds like there is a fundamental lack of respect in the marriage for you as well.

Well, this is certainly not the first time he's not taken my feelings into consideration on many things.  I wouldn't exactly say he's controlling directly, but he tries to in a roundabout way (blaming, threats, guilt).  I even used to get blamed for the dog pooping in the house. 

Quite the opposite, I'm the one that gets threatened by him (and now 5yo DS threatens me because he sees DH doing it).   

[kayleesmom]

hugs to you and family and poor dog.

[Mulvah]

I haven't read through all of the responses, but I would have our vet come to the house (if going to the vet is not an option) to have a serious chat with "us" (read: DH) about the dog's condition and our options.  I have to say, it's not fair to the dog for your husband to selfishly "hold on" if the dog is truly suffering.  I understand it, of course, but really, you have to do what is best for your family dog.

[aparent]

   Perhaps your vet could supply a Quality of Life assessment or scale

form that your husband could fill out by himself after observing the dog

for a few days. Perhaps when he fills it out his sense of what the dog's

life is like may change. There might be Quality of Life assessment

forms on the internet. 

[Imakcerka]

I'm in the same situation.  Our Beagle is not well, he can't see, he can't smell nor can he hear.  He'll bark for hours at a wall and gets lost in the backyard.  He barely makes it outside and pees in the house often.  We've had no pooping issues though except on the back porch.  I feel it's time for him to go but DH says no.  The Beagle is mine.  He's been mine his whole life, he was my cross country drive partner numerous times and I love him.  I can't see him this way.  I'm afraid to have him put down though.   

I feel your pain, but to some people the idea of killing an animal to put him out of his or her misery is no different than killing senile granny.  Even though she's mean and unable to care for herself... it just doesn't feel right.  To be honest you don't have much time left with this dog.  He probably won't survive much longer.  The fact that he's lived a year this way speaks volumes for the care and love he's had his whole life.  He may no be ready to say goodbye to you guys. 

Good luck and I hope you all find peace soon

[Ophelia]

Well, a bit of an update things are worse.  Now in addition to the poop and usual pee, I have realized that he is leaking pee.  All the time.  I noticed drips on the floor before, but since he is a basset I thought it was just drool spots even though he only drooled around food before.  Then this morning I had him out on the deck and I could just see it dripping, he can't even hold it in at all.  Whether he is sitting or standing, doesn't matter.  Even if he is standing, he ends up flopping his back end down in the pee and sits in it.  I've hosed him off twice today and he needs it again.  Now I wonder how long this is going to go on for....

Imakcerka  I'm sorry about your beagle :(  it is hard to figure out WHEN when there isn't anything majorly wrong, like siezures and paralysis.

[starrlamia]

im sorry it isnt getting better, you could try a belly band for the leakage :(

[Imakcerka]

He's ready to go. I wish there was someway that when they're ready to go we can just do it ourselves... as in no gun involved some at home sleeping pill that just lets them go peacefully. That would never be allowed though. Too many people would be handing it out their obnoxious neighbors dog... My heart breaks for your basset... Hopefully he goes soon, and hopefully your husband sees he's not living a life of peace. How miserable. I'm so sorry.

[NoraC]

I am sorry you are going through this. We have a 15 year old retriever who is also aging, having difficulty with stairs, walking, getting up, pooping in the house and so on. What's making it hard for us to decide whether to euthanize or to wait is that he still has a real sparkle in his eye.

Good luck to you.

[daisymama12]

I had a similar situation with my husband, although my dog was not nearly as feeble and incapacitated as yours. He was, however, in pain.

 

It was AWFUL to push to kill the dog that I adored, but I kept at explaining to him why it needed to be done. Finally, I made the appt without his full buy in. I just said, this is what is happening next Friday. He finally accepted it. I think my DH was so attached to the dog that he couldn't consent to that next step. It takes a strong person to do the right thing. 

In hindsight, he is grateful that I went ahead making the appointment. By the way, the vet was so kind, he came to our house, which prevents the trauma of having to move an old, ill dog.

 

I really think that a kind, peaceful death (euthanasia) is the last part of the promise we make to our animals; to take care of them always.

[Ophelia]

Thanks for your support everyone!  Last Saturday the 3rd we took him to the vet.  DH called me in on Wed. and said he made the appt.  Then Thurs and Fri our dog was not doing well at all, he was still walking with help to get up, but he was more lethargic again, had stopped eating, and was doing a coughing thing very regularly whereas before it was more random. 

His body was so weak that when the vet gave him the first relaxer shot, it literally started shutting his body down before she even gave him the euthanasia shot.  THAT was a little scary.  :(

Problem now is DH tried to make me promise (before Saturday) that we would get another dog!  I wasn't sure what to say so I paused and said I would have to think about it.  Then he said HE was disturbed that I had to think about it???  Hello?!?  He thinks every boy NEEDS to have a dog and it will teach him responsibility. (we already have a parrot, not exactly the same thing but still)

[philomom]

No new dog for a long time. Don't compromise.

[nd_deadhead]

Ophelia, I'm sorry to hear about your old basset, but I am confident that you are comfortable with what happened (even though it took longer than it should).

And now your DH is being selfish again - Grr! A new dog in the household is a FAMILY decision, one that must be agreed upon by everyone. I hate that your DH is not respecting your feelings on this. You are not ready yet - and might not be for a long time.

Lots of boys grow up without dogs, and do just fine. There are about a million other ways to teach a child responsibility.

Hugs to you, my dear.

[Imakcerka]

The new dog is just a way to fill a hole. DH keeps telling me that when the boys go we're getting another dog. Cow dog and Boy the cat do not need another friend. Use the need time to heal card. I can seem pretty selfish when I really want something. Grief does that.

[starrlamia]

everyone heals differently and some people are comfortable with another dog right away and others are not. I would tell him you need time to heal and that you can discuss another dog in a few months.

[mattemma04]

I think it is always good to get another pet after the one you had has died.In this case however I would be reluctant because of how long your dh held out on euthanising your previous dog. He really put the dog and you through the wringer. If  I agreed to the dog it would be dh's responsibility and I mean EVERYTHING having to do with the dog-cleaning,feeding,exercise,vet care,and so on.

I have a friend whose spouse is allowing 2 old dogs to use the entire house as a toilet.Friend now has serve health issues,and it has gotten to the point where she is moving out. Your dh may just come home with a puppy one day whether you agree to it or not.If he does be clear on what you will or will not do and stand firm. Best wishes.

[Ophelia]

Thanks!  When the subject comes up again, and I know it will, I will say "when we can agree on quality of life issues and when to euthanize, I will consider it".

mattemma04  I'm sorry for what your friend is going through.  Similar to what happened with me, the dog was using anywhere he was in the house as a toilet, whether or not he could help it (he would even poop on the stairs while trying to go up them).

I can actually put DD 7mo down on the floor now, and she needed it too because she wanted the freedom and is starting to crawl around.  I couldn't do that before, it was just too unsanitary.