Need some support....

[Fablehill]

Hello! I am new here, but I have enjoyed Mothering since my son was born.

Here is my story:

I am 38. My son is 7 and my daughter is 5. I just found out that I am pregnant again (about 8-10 weeks). I go on Tuesday to confirm.

I just lost my job in May due to the company deciding to close the facility I was at. I have not had any luck finding a new job. I am planning to go back to college to complete my bachelors degree in education.

We just moved in February and we got rid of everything baby related. We assumed since DD was 4.5 and we had not had any baby scares that we were good. I have PCOS and it is very hard for me to get pregnant. It took 10 years to get DS and we were shocked to get DD 2 years later.

My hubby had a vasectomy last Friday. We are joking that I probably got pregnant at the time he made the appointment. How ironic would that be?

I am so worried about my kids. They are 2.5 years apart and get along so well. My son is very sensitive and I am afraid that he will hate me for bringing a baby into the house. My DD will be over the moon as she is very momma-girly and always asks for a baby sister. I worry that 8 years is a huge gap and they will have nothing in common. 

I am scared about the pregnancy risks at my age and weight. I recently lost 35 pounds and I think that is what helped the pregnancy occur.

Both my other pregnancies were horribly boring with no problems at all. My son was an emergency c-sec after 28 hours of labor and the Dr found I have a very low pelvic arch and the baby was trying to come out sideways. DD was a scheduled C. I nursed both my kids until they were 2.5 years old.

I have so much running through my head right now. Things were starting to get easy--both kids are in school full time,sleeping in their own beds and starting to get more self sufficient. 

I just don't know how I can handle this.

[monkeyscience]

Not a lot of wise words to give you, as I'm still trying to get pregnant with #1 with PCOS. (We'll see in the next few days if this month's surprise ovulation was our lucky month!) I didn't want you to go unnoticed, though.

My dh has a brother that is about 8 years younger than the next closest sibling (MIL had 3 kids in about 4 years, then had a surprise). Overall, they get along great. BIL is a little over-babied, in my opinion, but his older siblings work hard to engage with him and spend time with him. So I wouldn't give up hope that your kids will have anything in common. It will be a different relationship than if they were close in age, but it can still be a good one. :)

Also, a bright side to having your other kids in school is that you will have several hours every day where you can focus on the baby and not have to juggle 3 kids at once. :)

Also, if you're due in April (sounds like you might be since you just found out), you should try posting/looking in the April DDC. It looks like there are a few other mamas there having surprise babies that are feeling overwhelmed, too, so you can find some support there.

Good luck!

[Mommel]

Hi there... I am currently pregnant with my first at 38 and I'm significantly overweight as well. Even so, I am healthy and have had no problems and am planning a home birth... it's totally doable from that angle. The medical profession in the developed world gets all bent out of shape about age and weight. Pish!! There are plenty of really large women who give birth naturally all over the world well into their forties. 

As for the little ones at home, I have many friends who are on their "second round" of kiddos who have grown children who have already left the house... talk about mid-life babes! LOL Yes, the age difference will create different relationship, but your oldest is old enough to understand how he can be of great help to mommy too, and he gets to be a big brother. There are lots of places on MDC that address jealousy issues and how to prepare older siblings for a new babe's arrival... do a search on siblings, sibling rivalry, or jealous sibling (or any permutation of that) and see what you find. I'm guessing you'll be surprised at how NOT alone you really are.

I DO remember how I felt when I found out I was pregnant and in the ensuing weeks though... I was working at a rotten job that barely covered my rent, had taken a leave from school, but knew I needed to go back, my partner and I were already on the outs and he took off for the hills at 3 months. I cut my hours to part-time, went back to school and got some financial assistance to help me through the next few years and I even got my home birth. Remember, even though your hormones and newly preggo fears are telling you otherwise... you are STRONG, you are CAPABLE, you are BEAUTIFUL and above all... you CAN do this!

[tank]

My brother and I are 6 years apart and were very close growing up.  I don't think 8 would be that much more of a difference.  We actually even had some of the same friends in the neighborhood growing up that were between our 2 ages.  I don't have much else to offer because I am pregnant with my first now but I just wanted to add that in.