Is it possible to suggest ASD to a woman I barely know?!? - Page 2

[Toposlonoshlep]

? Ok. I'm sorry you have judged me to be judgmental and harsh. I have a hard time believing that your anger is really directed at me, especially since looking back at what I wrote I don't see any post in which I was disrespectful or harsh...Curious and concerned, perhaps, but the whole point of MDC is that women are supposed to be able to ask others' opinions without being judged or reprimanded for asking what's appropriate. As I mentioned earlier, I see more and more of this on MDC now, and it's quite a shame. It seems your anger is likely coming from a different place, unrelated to this thread. I wish you all the best in your healing.
 

Originally Posted by RiverTam 

If you feel like I'm being overly judgmental and harsh, you might want to look what you're putting out there in the way of harshness and judgment towards others. You're getting your own energy back. 
 

[beachcomber]

(shrugs) Well, the way you've said some things here has been construed by others as judgmental and harsh. You've said some VERY inflammatory things here! This is an alternative community and you've come into it making some rather unpleasant comparisons. I guess you were surprised by the negative response, but you get what you give.

Bottom line for me is this: If you suspect actual physical or emotional abuse of the child, call CPS. They will investigate. If you don't suspect this, then all you can do is get to know the woman better and see if you can help her. Aside from the concerns over abuse, you haven't got a) enough information about the boy's development or b) a close enough relationship with his mother to approach her about this.

Besides, speaking to somebody about a possible developmental disorder is something that requires sensitivity and care. You don't seem to have the most tactful approach.

As I mentioned earlier, I see more and more of this on MDC now, and it's quite a shame. It seems your anger is likely coming from a different place, unrelated to this thread. I wish you all the best in your healing.

Also, wow. This really wasn't very nice of you. I'm kind of shocked to see something like this here.

[AdinaL]

Back on topic, everyone.  The discussion of MDC or other members is *not* germane to the OP's question.  Thanks. :)

[JFTB1177]

Wow. I don't think the OP deserved the treatment she got. She was concerned about a child and was asking for advice.

Back to the original question, I also wouldn't come out and suggest autism to the mother but maybe you could suggest she get in contact with EI for the issues he's having and they could be the ones to suggest further investigation (as my EI team did for my son).

I know Russian culture well (lived in a Russian community on the East Coast for about 10 years, dated Russian guys back when I was single, best friend of 18 years is Russian, etc) even though I am not Russian. I know the superstitions and a lot of the alternative treatments (my ex's mom had a homeopathic solution to everything; when I burned myself she pushed me into a bathroom and insisted I pee on the area immediately. I was initially put off but it worked lol. Still don't know if that's the best way to handle [minor] burns though lol). If the mother is obsessed with her son being a "genius", that's her business, BUT I do think injecting an unknown substance into a baby just to make him smarter borderlines on crazy. IMO. And then OP, you said she has mental issues... sounds to me this is something that needs to be investigated. I have to say I agree with the person who said call CPS. I don't think it is straight forward abuse, but maybe abuse without the mother realizing it.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by JFTB1177 

Wow. I don't think the OP deserved the treatment she got. She was concerned about a child and was asking for advice.

Back to the original question, I also wouldn't come out and suggest autism to the mother but maybe you could suggest she get in contact with EI for the issues he's having and they could be the ones to suggest further investigation (as my EI team did for my son).

I know Russian culture well (lived in a Russian community on the East Coast for about 10 years, dated Russian guys back when I was single, best friend of 18 years is Russian, etc) even though I am not Russian. I know the superstitions and a lot of the alternative treatments (my ex's mom had a homeopathic solution to everything; when I burned myself she pushed me into a bathroom and insisted I pee on the area immediately. I was initially put off but it worked lol. Still don't know if that's the best way to handle [minor] burns though lol). If the mother is obsessed with her son being a "genius", that's her business, BUT I do think injecting an unknown substance into a baby just to make him smarter borderlines on crazy. IMO. And then OP, you said she has mental issues... sounds to me this is something that needs to be investigated. I have to say I agree with the person who said call CPS. I don't think it is straight forward abuse, but maybe abuse without the mother realizing it.

We do not know if the substance is unknown, just that the OP doesn't know what it is. For awhile, we were giving our son B12 shots by prescription from our MD, because he was so low in B12, once the levels were up, he took it sublingually. B12 has a huge influence on the nervous system, and therefore is prescribed by many MDs who are also educated in alternative medicine. My sister who had lymes disease was given B12 injections to help with the paralysis in her face, by a different MD. My neurologist, not at all informed in alternative healthcare, suggested I take b12 .

So, calling CPS, because the OP and her mother doesn't know what this chemical is seems to be overkill. It would be like haivng someone who doesn't believe in child led weaning or co-sleeping calling CPS. Just because you are not informed or knowledgeable about alternative care does not mean that this mother is wrong. What she is doing, she is doing under doctor supervision. Many doctors consult from other countries. It usually is with the information being supplied by the doctor and parent in this country. Again, you are going on very very little second hand information and making many jumps in logic.

So, no, given the information you have given and the situation you find yourself in, I would not approach the mother.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by JFTB1177 

Wow. I don't think the OP deserved the treatment she got. She was concerned about a child and was asking for advice.

Back to the original question, I also wouldn't come out and suggest autism to the mother but maybe you could suggest she get in contact with EI for the issues he's having and they could be the ones to suggest further investigation (as my EI team did for my son).

I know Russian culture well (lived in a Russian community on the East Coast for about 10 years, dated Russian guys back when I was single, best friend of 18 years is Russian, etc) even though I am not Russian. I know the superstitions and a lot of the alternative treatments (my ex's mom had a homeopathic solution to everything; when I burned myself she pushed me into a bathroom and insisted I pee on the area immediately. I was initially put off but it worked lol. Still don't know if that's the best way to handle [minor] burns though lol). If the mother is obsessed with her son being a "genius", that's her business, BUT I do think injecting an unknown substance into a baby just to make him smarter borderlines on crazy. IMO. And then OP, you said she has mental issues... sounds to me this is something that needs to be investigated. I have to say I agree with the person who said call CPS. I don't think it is straight forward abuse, but maybe abuse without the mother realizing it.

We do not know if the substance is unknown, just that the OP doesn't know what it is. For awhile, we were giving our son B12 shots by prescription from our MD, because he was so low in B12, once the levels were up, he took it sublingually. B12 has a huge influence on the nervous system, and therefore is prescribed by many MDs who are also educated in alternative medicine. My sister who had lymes disease was given B12 injections to help with the paralysis in her face, by a different MD. My neurologist, not at all informed in alternative healthcare, suggested I take b12 .

So, calling CPS, because the OP and her mother doesn't know what this chemical is seems to be overkill. It would be like haivng someone who doesn't believe in child led weaning or co-sleeping calling CPS. Just because you are not informed or knowledgeable about alternative care does not mean that this mother is wrong. What she is doing, she is doing under doctor supervision. Many doctors consult from other countries. It usually is with the information being supplied by the doctor and parent in this country. Again, you are going on very very little second hand information and making many jumps in logic.

So, no, given the information you have given and the situation you find yourself in, I would not approach the mother.

[JFTB1177]

Originally Posted by QueenOfTheMeadow 


For awhile, we were giving our son B12 shots by prescription from our MD, because he was so low in B12, once the levels were up, he took it sublingually. B12 has a huge influence on the nervous system, and therefore is prescribed by many MDs who are also educated in alternative medicine. My sister who had lymes disease was given B12 injections to help with the paralysis in her face, by a different MD. My neurologist, not at all informed in alternative healthcare, suggested I take b12 .

So, calling CPS, because the OP and her mother doesn't know what this chemical is seems to be overkill.

Not the same thing...giving your son MD-prescribed shots to help his immune system or your sister taking it for lymes disease (also medically prescribed), I see nothing wrong with. But giving an infant an injection to "make them smarter" or to make them a "genius" is, sorry, bad parenting. Kind of reminds me of "Toddlers & Tiaras". Maybe CPS would be overkill, but what if those injections that mother is giving him damage him? What doctor would ok injections to make a kid a "genius"? I would be wary of that doctor. A parent giving her sick child injections hoping to make him better is one thing... giving them in hopes of making him "smarter", something else altogether. Would it be ok for a parent to give their child injection in their eye to try and change the color? Where do we draw the line?

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by JFTB1177 

Not the same thing...giving your son MD-prescribed shots to help his immune system or your sister taking it for lymes disease (also medically prescribed), I see nothing wrong with. But giving an infant an injection to "make them smarter" or to make them a "genius" is, sorry, bad parenting. Kind of reminds me of "Toddlers & Tiaras". Maybe CPS would be overkill, but what if those injections that mother is giving him damage him? What doctor would ok injections to make a kid a "genius"? I would be wary of that doctor. A parent giving her sick child injections hoping to make him better is one thing... giving them in hopes of making him "smarter", something else altogether. Would it be ok for a parent to give their child injection in their eye to try and change the color? Where do we draw the line?

The mother said that she gave him the shot to

When she noticed that he wasn't rolling over "on time", she consulted with a European neurologist through Skype, and has been injecting her son with some kind of supplement he prescribed since then. To "improve his brain function".

Since B12 works on the neurological system, it sounds like that could be what she is doing. Though, in an infant it does sound a bit off. I just think the information that the OP has is lacking, as far as it goes.

I'm not going to get into what is too much or not enough, please feel free to start another thread on the subject. It would be a bit much for this thread. It is definately a subject that deserves it's own thread.

[JFTB1177]

Originally Posted by QueenOfTheMeadow 



The mother said that she gave him the shot to

When she noticed that he wasn't rolling over "on time", she consulted with a European neurologist through Skype, and has been injecting her son with some kind of supplement he prescribed since then. To "improve his brain function".

Since B12 works on the neurological system, it sounds like that could be what she is doing. Though, in an infant it does sound a bit off. I just think the information that the OP has is lacking, as far as it goes.

I'm not going to get into what is too much or not enough, please feel free to start another thread on the subject. It would be a bit much for this thread. It is definately a subject that deserves it's own thread.

I don't think the baby needs his brain function improved because he doesn't roll over "on time"...ridiculous! My third baby just started rolling over at 6.5 months while my first 2 kids rolled over at 3 months. I don't think my baby needs his brain function improved.
 

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by JFTB1177 

I don't think the baby needs his brain function improved because he doesn't roll over "on time"...ridiculous! My third baby just started rolling over at 6.5 months while my first 2 kids rolled over at 3 months. I don't think my baby needs his brain function improved.
 

True. But we really don't know the whole story. Nor does the OP, therefore I don't think calling CPS or contacting this woman makes any sense.

[RiverTam]

Originally Posted by Toposlonoshlep 

? Ok. I'm sorry you have judged me to be judgmental and harsh. I have a hard time believing that your anger is really directed at me, especially since looking back at what I wrote I don't see any post in which I was disrespectful or harsh...Curious and concerned, perhaps, but the whole point of MDC is that women are supposed to be able to ask others' opinions without being judged or reprimanded for asking what's appropriate. As I mentioned earlier, I see more and more of this on MDC now, and it's quite a shame. It seems your anger is likely coming from a different place, unrelated to this thread. I wish you all the best in your healing.
 

Your question isn't appropriate. It's extremely inappropriate. This a mother that you don't know well. You don't have all of the facts of the situation. You don't know anything about the situation except what you've learned second hand from your mother, who also doesn't have all of the facts of the situation. The mother is working with a doctor and is trying interventions recommended to her by her doctor. 

You've decided that she is neglecting her child, despite the fact that she is consulting a doctor. You decided that you know better and that she needs your advice, even though you don't know the facts.  

As I said, judgmental and harsh. 

Lots of people -- especially people who don't have a special needs kid -- have things to say to parents of kids with ASD or ADHD. Many people think that they know better than the parents or the doctors, just because they have seen 5 minutes of a kid's behavior.  It's an extremely rude, obnoxious behavior.

[Toposlonoshlep]

Look, first of all, my question has been answered by many kind, informed, honest and direct women. I feel satisfied with having asked it and gotten my answer. I don't see how a question about what's appropriate under the circumstances can in itself be inappropriate. Could we stop beating a dead horse here? As you suggested in your own statement, you may have had your own experiences with people judging your parenting and that is why you feel the way you do. I respect that. I do feel that you are projecting because of this experience and judging me, in turn. I promise you I had no ill intentions in asking my question and I appreciate those who answered respectfully. Thanks ladies!

Originally Posted by RiverTam 

Your question isn't appropriate. It's extremely inappropriate. This a mother that you don't know well. You don't have all of the facts of the situation. You don't know anything about the situation except what you've learned second hand from your mother, who also doesn't have all of the facts of the situation. The mother is working with a doctor and is trying interventions recommended to her by her doctor. 

You've decided that she is neglecting her child, despite the fact that she is consulting a doctor. You decided that you know better and that she needs your advice, even though you don't know the facts.  

As I said, judgmental and harsh. 

Lots of people -- especially people who don't have a special needs kid -- have things to say to parents of kids with ASD or ADHD. Many people think that they know better than the parents or the doctors, just because they have seen 5 minutes of a kid's behavior.  It's an extremely rude, obnoxious behavior.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by RiverTam 

Your question isn't appropriate. It's extremely inappropriate. .

I thought the question was a very valid one. I can see how a person could wonder about how to handle a situation where they see flags, but the parents don't.

My answer would really depend on the whole situation, because in some situations, I think it might be appropriate to say something. In this situation I think its best not to say anything, but it was very valid to ask.

I think the OPer was asking from a place of care and concern about the welfare of a child, and was putting a lot of though into how to react. That's not something she should get beat up over.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if more people came from a place of care and concern, and put a lot of thought into how to react? That's all the OP did.

[JFTB1177]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I thought the question was a very valid one. I can see how a person could wonder about how to handle a situation where they see flags, but the parents don't.

My answer would really depend on the whole situation, because in some situations, I think it might be appropriate to say something. In this situation I think its best not to say anything, but it was very valid to ask.

I think the OPer was asking from a place of care and concern about the welfare of a child, and was putting a lot of though into how to react. That's not something she should get beat up over.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if more people came from a place of care and concern, and put a lot of thought into how to react? That's all the OP did.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

RiverTam-
I appreciate your passion on the subject. I have a child on the spectrum as well, and peoples judgments can be harsh. That being said, I'd much prefer to have someone come here and ask a question on how to handle this sort of thing, rather than go off and do something without looking at another perspective.


Toposlonoshlep-
I appreciate the fact that you have stuck around when things have gotten a little heated and heard what people have said.

I am going to ask everyone to stop with getting personal and stick to the question at hand. Thanks!

[RiverTam]

Originally Posted by QueenOfTheMeadow 

RiverTam-
I appreciate your passion on the subject. I have a child on the spectrum as well, and peoples judgments can be harsh. That being said, I'd much prefer to have someone come here and ask a question on how to handle this sort of thing, rather than go off and do something without looking at another perspective.


Toposlonoshlep-
I appreciate the fact that you have stuck around when things have gotten a little heated and heard what people have said.

I am going to ask everyone to stop with getting personal and stick to the question at hand. Thanks!

I don't mind people asking questions. I do mind people who ask questions preceded by the statements that the mother is "crazy" for 1) consulting a neurologist from her home country and 2) giving her child supplements prescribed by a neurologist. The question here was "How do I tell this crazy person that she is parenting her child all wrong?"

If the question were "How can I hook up an isolated person with good resources in the community?" or "How can I best help this isolated person?" that's an entirely different thing.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by RiverTam 

I don't mind people asking questions. I do mind people who ask questions preceded by the statements that the mother is "crazy" for 1) consulting a neurologist from her home country and 2) giving her child supplements prescribed by a neurologist. The question here was "How do I tell this crazy person that she is parenting her child all wrong?"

If the question were "How can I hook up an isolated person with good resources in the community?" or "How can I best help this isolated person?" that's an entirely different thing.

RiverTam-
If you can not post to this thread without making it a personal attack, please do not post to it anymore.