Advice on parenting three

[RavenStar]

Hello there!

We are considering adding a third child to our family.  I welcome any helpful stories or advice on parenting three children.  How was it going from 2 to 3 children, or more?

[Jenni1894]

Honestly, for me and our family going from one child to two was much harder than 2 to 3 children. 

I don't know if it's b/c ODD was and still is very demanding and vocal and YDD is super mellow.  

With 3 I felt more at ease so to speak in my mothering abilities, and not much threw me for a loop.   I just don't recommend potty training the 2 1/2 yo when you have a nursing newborn weeks after birth.   That was hard, but she did it!! 

My advice is a schedule...make one and keep to it.  

[Peony]

2 to 3 was easy but #3 was a mellow baby which really helped. 3 to 4 has been harder, #4 is not a mellow baby! As the first 3 get older, it is getting more difficult to arrange their schedules (activities etc...) and get everyone where they need to be. 

[RavenStar]

Jenni,

This is how my mother-in-law felt too.  She said going from 2 to 3 was better.  Thanks for the tip on pottying!  All the best to you.
 

Originally Posted by Jenni1894 

Honestly, for me and our family going from one child to two was much harder than 2 to 3 children. 

I don't know if it's b/c ODD was and still is very demanding and vocal and YDD is super mellow.  

With 3 I felt more at ease so to speak in my mothering abilities, and not much threw me for a loop.   I just don't recommend potty training the 2 1/2 yo when you have a nursing newborn weeks after birth.   That was hard, but she did it!! 

My advice is a schedule...make one and keep to it.  

[RavenStar]

Peony,

I'm sure it does depend on the personality of the new baby, and of the other children.  Sounds like from both you and Jenni, a schedule is helpful.   Thank you for your response.  Take care!
 

Originally Posted by Peony 

2 to 3 was easy but #3 was a mellow baby which really helped. 3 to 4 has been harder, #4 is not a mellow baby! As the first 3 get older, it is getting more difficult to arrange their schedules (activities etc...) and get everyone where they need to be. 

[MJB]

Having a third was easier than I could have imagined, but there is a big gap between #2 and #3 (my second started all day K when my third was a few weeks old).

[NZJMama]

Going from 2 to 3 was so much easier for us than 1 to 2 was. However #3 was a happy baby and a great sleeper, #2 was not. I agree that a schedule is helpful and if at all possible hire a cleaning lady so you can spend what little free time you have with your kids .  What has amazed me is the amount of laundry we have as a family of five. I cannot skip a day or the pile turns into a mountain.

[RavenStar]

MJB, that sounds like nice timing with your second in school.  I'm sure age spacing helps too.
 

Originally Posted by MJB 

Having a third was easier than I could have imagined, but there is a big gap between #2 and #3 (my second started all day K when my third was a few weeks old).

[RavenStar]

NZJMama,

Having someone else clean our house would be so nice!  Our laundry with a family of four often becomes a mountain too. :)

So nice to hear from many people that the transition from 2 to 3 sometimes is easier than from 1 to 2.  Of course, I know it really depends on the children, their ages and personalities.  Our little one is already upset if I snuggle her older sister.  I know it would be a big transition no matter what.

My MIL had 5 kids and she said that it did get somewhat easier because the older ones were more independent and could help with the younger ones.

Originally Posted by NZJMama 

Going from 2 to 3 was so much easier for us than 1 to 2 was. However #3 was a happy baby and a great sleeper, #2 was not. I agree that a schedule is helpful and if at all possible hire a cleaning lady so you can spend what little free time you have with your kids .  What has amazed me is the amount of laundry we have as a family of five. I cannot skip a day or the pile turns into a mountain.

[insidevoice]

Tho to three was intense for us, but that's because the gap is tiny- 14 months. It wasn't really hard because it was three kids, it was just a lot of demand on me as a parent for that first year. 

However, I am more confident and harder to fluster, and I feel like because of that I am a better parent to three than I was to one or two.  We'll be adding #4 in December.  We'll see whether or not I survive that one. :P

[~cassie]

Going from 2 to 3 was hard for us.  But I only had a 13 mth age gap between #2 and #3 and #2 has special needs and it was just exhausting.  It's gotten a lot better as they get older but now we have schedules to work around-like I didn't put ds1 in karate this year again bc it's too much work having to haul everyone there.  Ds2 isn't getting to do soccer-again b/c too much work to haul everyone and keep up with everyone.

My sister has 4 and she found all of them easy until she added the 4th.

[kayleesmom]

i think it was harder to get out of the house alone with 3. meaning me and the 3 kids without another adult with me to help. and my kids are 7 4 and 2.

[singin'intherain]

When my third was born, I had a just turned four and 15 month old. At that point I was so in mommy mode, the third baby could not get me out of my stride! My 3rd was not a particularly easy baby, either. The fourth baby, though, born when #3 was 20 months, was hard. I just couldn't keep up with that many little guys and still nurse all day! But #3 was not a big deal. He took his naps in a little hammock hung up on the wall, to protect him from his loving, yet big and brutish, toddler brother! I'm getting all teary eyed, they were so sweet!

[Monkey Keeper]

Mine were just turned 4 and 3.5 when their brother was born, and it was a super easy transition. Now that he is mobile and into everything, it's a lot harder than when he was new. But it definitely was easier adding him than adding #2--mostly due to temperament.

[Peony]

Originally Posted by PinkBunch 

Mine were just turned 4 and 3.5 when their brother was born, and it was a super easy transition. Now that he is mobile and into everything, it's a lot harder than when he was new. But it definitely was easier adding him than adding #2--mostly due to temperament.

That was my experience as well. It so so easy when #3 was a baby but once he hit a year or so, it was actually way harder then when he was a baby. I couldn't get anything done! 

[RavenStar]

insidevoice:  Good luck with number 4!  It's sounds like you're a pro. :)

[sweetcheeks]

It definitely depends on the age gap, i think. I thought going from 1 to 2 was a breeze b/c DS1 was only 26 months when DD was born and he was still very much a "baby" himself and I was still getting up during the night with him and changing diapers and stuff like that. Going from 2 to 3 was hard for me but I think it had to do with the fact when DS2 was born, DD was almost 3 and very independent and we were well out of the baby phase. There were no more diapers, no night wakings, etc, so it was a HUGE adjustment for me when DS2 came along, having someone attached to me all the time, dependent on me for everything. And I won't mention the jealousy issues we had with our oldest (the one I didn't expect would have any problems with the new baby)! Even though DS2 was the happiest, mellowest baby out of all 3 of mine (and he's still happy and mellow as a 3YO), it was a rough transition for us. It was a good 4-6 months before we found a good routine and I felt like I had the whole "mom of 3" thing down.

[MarineWife]

i just went from 2 LOs to 3. i have a 4th but he is 20 and not living at home anymore. things have been very difficult for me. things were much easier after having ds3. my LOs are 7, 4 and 6 weeks. i think the reason things are so much harder now is b/c my 4yo is very high energy. he doesn't really demand my attention but causes a lot of trouble if i don't watch him every second, which i can't do with a newborn. my 7yo is quite easy going, except as it pertains to my 4yo, so he was very cooperative when his first little bro was born. my dh is also deployed so i'm on my own all the time as a parent. he was deployed when ds3 was born, too, but things weren't so hard then. i think personalities has a lot to do with how things go, yours as well as the kids.

[FarmerBeth]

Ravenstar, how old are your two children you have, now?  Age gap can make a difference.  I had our three children in a four year period.  Going from two to three was actually a lot easier than from one to two because I was "broken in" and very much still in dealing with babies mode.  While it was more physically intense dealing with very small ones, I think in some ways I had it easier since I was still used to that age group, and my three children could do things together as a group very easily. (Right now, they are 11, 9 and 7 and the 7 year old is definitely not at the same sort of stage as the older two right now, but two years ago the difference wasn't as intense).  I agree with above posters who mention schedule, and definitely fairly structured rules helped in making sure everyone's needs were respected.  I also had to really let go of some standards, like the house being messy for awhile while they were young, and sometimes letting the older kids watch TV while I settled the youngest (it was the first time for my oldest, at 4, to watch a TV).  Practically, three kids is the point where your choice of vehicle is affected (especially with car seats and boosters in the equation), as well as how many additional kids can fit in the vehicle or at home (because my SIL's kids stay for extended periods, all of our living room furniture is fold-outs to accommodate, one of the boys has a bunk-bed, sometimes we've rented a van, etc), you may need bigger cooking pots, and as they age you may need to consider what sort of home size is suitable.  But it's all very do-able, and we are so glad to have three children!