How do you learn how to trust birth again?

[WaitingForKiddos]

x-posted in PAL because I don't know where to put this.


I'm so wanting a VBAC...so NOT wanting another cesarean. I jut don't know how. I used to be so passionate about birth and how our bodies just knew what to do. I'm now jaded. I dont think my body can do this. But I know my head can't handle another cesarean.


DD was born vaginally at 20 weeks. My water broke 4 days before her birth and I managed to push her past a partial previa. We had really bad doctors and the entire situation was very traumatic beyond even the infant death aspect. DH was told I was going to die. DS was born one year and one week later. His pregnancy was stressful but okay. I had a huge bleed at 6 weeks which required bedrest but that was the only thing out of the ordinary until he was discovered to be breech at 34 weeks. I was transfered out of my midwife's care and went on to have a failed external version, 5 weeks of chiro, all the spinning babies techniques and hours of visualization of a head-down baby. At 39 weeks I went into labor the night before my secheduled cesarean. I labored for a while at home and then went to the hospital to have a decent cesarean. In March of this year I had sharp pains on my right side. I went to my OB who did a little too calm of care and I ended up loosing my right tube 3 weeks later after a failed methotrexate injection (and 4 days of not nursing my then 8 month old, very traumatic for he and I).

Well, I'm now 7 weeks pregnant. This past Monday at my first prenatal visit my OB informed me that he's not doing VBACs. The hospital doesn't allow them. I nodded and planned to see another local doctor who delivers at a hospital that does allow VBACs. This morning I saw that new doctor and was so inspired. I was driving home thinking "I can do this!!!" I allowed the new doctor to request my records from the old OB. Well it seems the old OB doesn't like that I'm wanting to leave. He just called me to tell me how supportative he is of my pregnancy. That he wants to see me through it and that if I'm carrying a head down baby at 37 weeks he'll glady transfer my care to a hospital in Downtown LA (1.5 hours away, other VBAC friendly hospital is 40 minues away). Old OB said that new OB is full of it, that the local hospital isn't VBAC friendly (ICAN says they are). Old OB then went on and on about how it doesn't matter anyway because I'm going to keep having breech babies and that I'll then need to go to him to have a breech cesarean.

I got off the phone in tears. I hate that I dont trust my body to give birth. That the losses I've faced and the losses of women around me had made me not believe I can do this. I hate that I fear pregnancy and birth. I hate that I gave old OB the power to tell me I can't do this.

How do I get past this? Read Ina May? Fake it until I believe it? Surround myself with only supportative people? I'm at a loss.

[LisaSedai]

I am so sorry you lost your DD.

Your old OB needs to get a grip on himself and TRY to act like a professional. If he wanted to keep you as a customer, he could switch his practice to a hospital that allows VBACS. He has some nerve talking trash about your new OB and trying to discourage you. Has he even read the new ACOG guidelines encouraging VBAC? And just because DS was breech doesn't mean all your children will be- even if they are, maybe whoever did your version just isn't very skilled at turning babies.Anyway, there are practitioners out there who deliver breech babies vaginally, even breech VBAC. I'd tell old OB he would be the last doctor on earth I would go to for a C/S. 

You have been through alot and I don't blame you for being scared. I agree you should surround yourself with supportive people. Some doulas and midwives help women who have had trauma or difficulties in previous pregnancies, to work out issues and help ease fear surrounding birth. Maybe your local ICAN people know someone they could suggest. Maybe you could consider something like hypnobabies.

I'm wishing you lots of health and healing and happy pregnancy vibes. You can do it.

[cinderella08]

I'm sorry - you clearly have experienced a lack of support.

Because you asked how everyone learned to trust birth again, I'll chime in.

I had a cesarean after a failed induction due to HELLP syndrome with my daughter, and then less than 2yrs later a VBAC after an induction due to preeclampsia with my son.  I put faith in my body that I could do what I put my mind to, but I always had it in my mind as well that no matter what - even if I needed a cesarean - the ultimate goal was a healthy baby and a healthy mama even if it didn't go perfectly as planned.  Ultimately, I had a wonderful VBAC that I am thankful for!  I didn't learn to 'trust birth' at all.  In fact, I do not trust birth because birth is unpredictable.  I do however, respect it.

[amandasemele]

First off, so sorry about your loss.

My story is a very long one so I will spare all the details. However, I had 3 c sections. 1 at age 19 I was young and naive and did not know that a posterior baby was not cause for concern. #2 at 21 after being told it was against the law to VBAC. #3 I was lead to believe I could VBAC until 32 weeks when the OB decided not to allow it. I had my tubes tied because I knew I would never have another section, I couldn't. I was depressed, I felt like my body let me down and I felt that I had let my babies down. After suffering through lots of blood loss and clotting during my periods I was diagnosed with PTLS. Post tubal ligation syndrome. I had a lot of symptoms and things that were cause from my tubal. We decided to get them reversed and my husband would get a vasectomy. Well he said how about 1 more baby. We will have it at home. So we got pregnant. I had been reading and researching for years and decided to trust my body and myself. #4 was delivered at home with a midwife and it was wonderful. I never even thought about my scar or anything. This baby on the way will be born UC at home if at all possible. You CAN do it. You have to WANT it. I wish you lots of luck.

[~~Sarah~~]

Trust birth to do what? I'm never quite sure what that means exactly. Is it the same as trusting nature? I trust that "nature" won't kill me in the middle of the night tonight. The likelihood is rather low... doesn't mean it won't happen. I'm also pretty convinced that I won't wake up tomorrow with symptoms of heart failure or diabetes. Which also doesn't mean it won't happen.

What is there to trust or not trust? I don't get it. You've had awful experiences with regards to birth. A lot of us have. It doesn't mean it will happen every time. Most of the time things go well (with whatever definition you use for "go well"). Sometimes things go badly, or less than ideally, you can't plan for everything. Which doesn't mean that you should fight for what you need to be well... Just like the rest of life, you have to figure out how to roll with the punches. I hope you can find peace.

[cairomama]

I don't think you have to trust birth, you trust yourself. I think you have to decide that you are going to VBAC and make choices that set yourself up for success. Control only the parts that you have control over: your choice of provider, exercise and nutrition, birth preparation and support. You can't control everything and those factors that you can't control, don't try or stress about them.

With the new OB you felt inspired and felt like you can do it. If he has a good reputation with ICAN, then go for it. The old OB made you cry. If you go with the new OB, and make other choices that feel good to you and are in the direction of VBAC, then you will most likely have a better birth no matter what the outcome. Being respected and truly supported goes a long way. Being with someone that you trust is very important to VBAC. If you are with a provider that you feel wants you to have a VBAC and you trust that if the provider recommends a c-section that it is necessary, then even if you have a c-section, it will feel better than if you feel like you got the "bait and switch" or that you didn't advocate for yourself enough.

So, shop around. Ask the local ICAN chapter for recommendations and interview a few and then go with the one you feel you trust most.

[dlm194]

I am so sorry for your loss of a baby and the loss of your birth experience.  :(

Personally, the first thing I would do is dump old OB.  He'll transfer your care?  BS.  He will systematically try to break you down until 37 weeks when you are too big and too tired to do anything else but agree to another c-section.  I wouldn't give him the honor of attending my birth. I think leaving his practice will speak volumes.  My 3rd baby turned breech at 32 weeks and nothing would flip him back.  My midwives were not skilled in breech deliveries and their back up doctors refused to help me.  Even though I was pretty certain I'd end up with another c-section (and I did), I switched providers at 38 weeks.  I went into labor at 38.5 weeks.  Even though I didn't have a vaginal birth, I am glad I made that switch. 

Trust birth?  I don't really "trust birth" per say.  It hasn't worked for me twice and my VBAC followed 41 hours of labor.  I can only remind myself that (logically), every birth is different.  Women are meant to birth vaginally and it *usually* happens that way (or can happen that way).  But nature is variable and I need to accept that.  It doesn't always work out the way I want.  12 years ago, Hurricane Floyd ripped through my area and they called it the 500 year storm.  Last week, Hurricane Irene became the 2nd "500 year storm" in 12 years.  Go figure....

[obdoc]

As an OB, I am appalled that this OB would call you---I don't so much that ?he wanted to look after you and ship you --but to trash another OB is so incredibly unprofessional!!

Most women who have breeches the first time have vertex the second time--and if your baby is breech and not big--there are still doctors out there who do breech births.

Put this OB far behind you and move on with a positive attitude and I hope you get your VBAC.

[roadfamily6now]

My first baby was breech, hence my c-section. I have since carried 6 more babies and all were Vertex.

I also agree 100% with the rest of the ladies.

Birth has not failed you, people did. :( I'm sorry for all you have gone through.

[Arete]

I agree with dlm194, but would add, not only dump that ob, but tell him exactly why--he is a bully, ignorant, unprofessional, and misogynistic.  I can only imagine such an individual goes into ob/gyn out of a desire to dominate women.  Then hang up on him.  You have been through so much, and the pp who noted the unpredictability of birth is dead on--you may be in for even more.  (I hope not!!!!!!!)  At this point, the thing you can do, that you have power over, and that might make a world of difference for you, is to surround yourself with people who love and trust you, and whom you respect.  The presence at a traumatic moment of a hostile, unsupportive person can tip you right over the edge.  (It did to me.)