My son is almost 3 and has had health problems since he was born -- all relating to reflux, asthma, allergies. In the last year he seems to have grown much stronger and we were very pleased with his progress. But recently his daycare told me they suspect a developmental delay or disorder, so we went to see his pediatrician who thinks he might have mild delays caused by his illness in the past (he was very ill and weak for a long time, more or less the first 2 years of his life). But the doctor is also watching him for NF 1 (he has freckling under armpits and groin and several cafe au lait spots). One of the markers for NF1 is developmental delay.
I asked a developmental delay specialist from the local children's hospital to assess my son, and the first thing they have done is send an "ages and stages" questionnaire to me and the daycare to fill in separately. We have come up with almost diametrically opposing picture of my son. Almost all my responses to his sensory profile and motor development were in the normal range, but the daycare see significant problems in most areas, especially the sensory. They see things I have never noticed in him -- such as reacting emotionally or aggressively to touch, enjoying unusual noises, difficulty standing close to other people, dislike of certain food textures...To me, this points to ASD and maybe ADHD.
I have been worried that the daycare have been heavy handed with my son, and that they have already labelled him as special needs. They insist that he must stay in the toddler centre for another 6 months, and not progress to the preschool with all the other children of his age. At the end of the month, the developmental specialist will visit us at home to observe him, and sometime afterwards visit the daycare too. But I would like advice about what to do just now. Should I confront the daycare about the difference of our views of him and ask them to explain more to me? Should I try to find a private developmental consultant to see my son more urgently? And is it possible that my son has a developmental disorder that I'm simply missing? I'm prepared to see that he might have some subtle delays with his development. I know from a friend that an autistic toddler can behave differently at home with parents that with other caregivers...they missed his autistic symptoms for a long time. Any suggestions would be very welcome! I'm feeling frustrated and concerned.