Dealing with 3.5 year old frustrations

[vettech]

Our 3.5 year old will lash out at us if she is frustrated about something (not doing what she wants us to do, etc).  We talk repeatedly to her about the fact that hitting is not ok, and will not get her what she wants, that we use hands for kindness and being gentle, etc.  Last night my husband lost his cool and spanked her (not too hard) and it upset her.  He said that spanking worked for him (he respected his parents and never hit them), though i reminded him that she is only 3.5.  The idea of spanking to teach a child not to hit is ridiculous to me.  It feels wrong to my core.

How have other parents dealt with a child who hits when she's frustrated?  How do I talk to my husband about this when he feels so differently from me?  Help!

[prescottchels]

There's another thread about logical consequences for disrespect and I think this falls into that category. When I was a nanny if a child was hitting they got to spend time in their room alone, until they were ready to come out and be nice/respectful/civil. If they came out before they were ready we sent them back for more alone time. You also have to make sure that the child is getting plenty of positive physical contact time. Many kids hit and otherwise beat up on people when they need more physical touch, but haven't been taught to ask for a hug or snuggle time. You can also teach her to use her words instead of her hands. Teach her to say I'm really frustrated or I'm mad or whatever the case may be and that she can take her frustrations out on pillows not people.

As for your DH, perhaps some articles on why spanking isn't the answer or maybe offering him other strategies that you're ok with. Sometimes people just need ideas for what else to do that's appropriate....