How will you (or did you) know when you're done?

[tryingfortwo]

We're reaching the point where we need to decide when we'll stop TTCing.  I'm just wondering how others have made that decision, or plan to make that decision, especially when it means giving up the vision you may have had for your family.  I'm so ready to move on and accept that we'll only have 1 child and be content with that, but I'm also so worried I'll regret that we didn't keep trying, and that our family will feel incomplete.

Any advice?

[monkeyscience]

Not a lot of advice. We've been trying for our first for about 15 months, and we're definitely not ready to give up yet. But we've only had one round of medical intervention, and one instance of ovulation outside of that, so that's a major factor, too. We definitely plan on seeking more intervention when we can.

I think a lot of it depends on what causes your infertility. Is it male factor? Female factor? Both? Unknown? Depending on what you have going on, there could be a chance that, somewhere down the road, you'll get pregnant on your own. If that's the case, you could quit formally trying to TTC, while still having a chance of a surprise. If you've got IF issues that make it impossible/nearly impossible for a surprise, I guess I would personally keep trying a little longer. But I really have no idea what you've been through or how much you want another baby, so I certainly wouldn't say there's anything wrong with stopping TTC if you feel happy with where you're at with your family, and/or extremely unhappy with the stress of TTC. :)

[blueyezz4]

I know in our case (we've been trying since 2006 for #1) and I hate to say it, but it will probably/unfortunately come down to money and running out of money to be able to keep trying with medical help.  We are heading towards our last and final IVF process in Oct and after that there won't be any extra money to be able to keep going at this point (unless we'd win the lottery or find a long lost relative that is a millionire LOL)... actually there really isn't the money now, but we are doing it anyways and will just have to work to pay it off. Thank God for the credit card, is all I can say!  Both DH and I hate being in debit, so that makes it hard to have that hanging over our heads, but such is life and a baby could change that all. Even though I know babies are expensive too, but at least we would see a result from all that money we have spent to get that bundle of joy.   I've been faced with this question myself and I know that I've always wanted to be a mother, but sometimes I wonder if it is just not ment to be and I'm trying to push the issue that i have no control over. We have also talked about adoption, but that is even bigger bucks than all the ART stuff, so we'd have to take out a 2nd mortgage or something to finance that. Who knows.... I understand the frustration.  Good luck with your decision.

[tryingfortwo]

Thanks to you both for your replies.

I didn't put a lot of info in my first post, but to explain our situation a bit - we're dealing with unexplained secondary infertility.  DS was conceived the first month we tried, so something was working fine back then.  All tests for both DH and me have come back normal, so we're not sure what's going on.  I haven't conceived at all in the almost 3 years we've been trying, so I really can't figure out what the problem is.  I've been doing acupuncture and working with a naturopath since the beginning of this year, and was hoping it was the little boost I needed, but unfortunately it hasn't resulted in a BFP.  We've opted not to pursue IUI or IVF.  Clomid was our last shot, and I'll be starting my 3rd and last cycle on it in a few days.  So we've basically reached the end of the options we had considered, and I'm not sure where to go from here.  Do we stop and just accept that a second child isn't in the cards for us, and move on?  Do we keep trying and hope it's just a matter of time, as everyone keeps telling me?

The thing that is really hard for me is the uncertainty of it all.  I know other people can probably handle it better/differently than I do, but I feel like I've put my life on hold in many ways while TTCing, and I'm just tired of not knowing what the future holds.  3 years of wondering if/when we'll have another child has begun to really affect me, and I don't know if I can just keep going on like this.  The emotional ups and downs of each cycle are so difficult too, but I've found ways to cope.  It's just the "in limbo" feeling that I'm struggling with.  That means it would also be hard for me to "not try but not prevent", because I'd still be left wondering if/when it might happen.  I feel like that for me, for my personality, I just need to make a decision and know that we're stopping at this time and moving on and not trying anymore.  But I don't know when that time is - next cycle, or next year, or ?

I know it's a unique decision for each family, but I'm just interested to see how others have come to that decision, or plan to come to it.  It's definitely not easy!

[monkeyscience]

Yeah, I hear you on the personality thing. I don't think I'd get a lot of peace from not trying, not preventing. (Especially since that's what we've essentially been doing, and it hasn't been peaceful!) I have a clear cause for my infertility, or at least one clear cause that would mask any other problems at this point, so that's at least somewhat easier to deal with. I have the ironic bonus that I may actually be MORE likely to get pregnant as I get older, at least according to some studies.

We actually have not really discussed/come to any conclusions about how far we'll go for treatment, since we've only just begun that path. I think it's good that you're clear on what your line is as far as treatment. I have some ideas as to how far I'd be willing to go, but we're sort of in the hoping-it-doesn't-come to that phase.