Calling all tandem nursing mamas...

[egmaranian]

I know I can't be the only one and I really need to know that I'm not alone in this.

My older DS is 26mo and is an avid nurser. He nursed all through my pregnancy, even through the time when I didn't even have any milk at all. I started talking to him about sharing his "nummies" with baby brother about a month before my due date, but he never once bought in to the idea that he would have to share. I tried to at least get him night weaned before baby came with no luck. He would cry hysterically for hours at any time that "nummies" were not available to him, day or night. He also started regressing a little the closer we got to my due date and got to the point where he wouldn't even stay asleep for his naps unless I was in bed with him the whole time and he was able to nurse continually. DH an I tried everything we could think of short of letting him CIO, but he just got more and more attached to mama and his "nummies".

Ok, now I have a 2 1/2 week old baby who, obviously, needs to nurse constantly just to sustain life, but ds1 still considers them HIS nummies and is insanely jealous of the time ds2 spends nursing. I've tried my best to not deny ds1 the opportunity to nurse because I know he needs to keep the connection to me especially while we are going through this transition to a family of four. But I just can't let him nurse 24/7 like he wants to. He keeps demanding to nurse and throwing insane tantrums EVERY time I sit down to nurse ds2. I've told him over and over that he can nurse when baby is done, but he just keeps whining and crying that he wants nummies now.

I've just about had it. I've tried to offer alternatives...snacks, drinks, snuggle time, special toys, tv time, etc, etc, etc...nothing satisfies him unless I let him nurse right then and there. I know he's very young and it's hard to understand why baby needs to nurse first/more often, but I'm almost at the point where I feel like I would be better off just weaning him completely. I really want to be successful at tandem nursing and let both of my boys decide when they're done, but MAN, this is so much harder than I ever expected!

Anyone else BTDT or going through something similar? I really need some advice.

[HawaiianBlesing]

I have no advice but wanted to offer big ((((hugs))))  Did you try x-posting in the breastfeeding forum?  I bet you will get a ton of advice there.

[LadyJennifer]

I'm not tandeming currently (will be when this one arrives), but I did with my ds and dd.
Have you tried nursing them at the same time on occasion? I did that with success. My dd was 24 mo at the time. She nightweaned in pregnancy though.

[egmaranian]

I haven't cross posted, but I think I will. Thanks!

I do nurse them at the same time quite often. In fact, he often will reach across me and pat the baby or touch him lovingly while they're both nursing. Ds1 hasn't directed any of his anger or frustration toward the baby at all. He is just being whiny, fussy, clingy, and defiant to the extreme despite all my efforts to keep him happy and make sure he doesn't feel neglected.

[LadyJennifer]

((hugs))
Sorry I couldn't be more help:(
I hope he starts easing into the transition better.

[earth-mama]

My DD is 30 months and also nursed all through my pregnancy.  At first we were having some issues, but it seems better now.  What I have done is:

--I regularly remind DD that DS only eats mama milk, but that she gets to eat food and I name specific foods that she gets to eat.

--I let her nurse when she wants most of the time, but I have started telling her that she can nurse for 10 seconds and then she needs to stop--then I count to 10.  This is working fairly well.

--I also do some nursing of the 2 of them at the same time.  Sometimes I will set it up so that DD is in my lap and DS sits in her lap--DD loves this!

--Sometimes I tell DD that she has to wait and I suggest some activities that she can do while she waits--this does not work as well as the other things, but sometimes it just doesn't work to nurse her as often as DS needs to.  So, I figure teaching her to wait or that there are times she simply can't nurse is good for her to learn.  I just try to be gentle with her about it to acknowlege her feelings.

In general, I am finding the transition from 1 to 2 a bit challenging.  We are trying to give DD a lot of attention--a good portion of this is with DP, but I am also trying to find activities I can do with DD while nursing/holding DS (who likes to nurse or be held most of the time). Like simple art projects and we are going set up a toy kitchen for DD tonight.  As I try new things I will let you know.  Oh, also I try to take DD on at least a short walk most days--let her walk to get some energy out.  

I don't know if that helps, but it is what we are doing and things are going okay, but not perfect.  Sometimes I feel really short with DD and am telling her 'no' a lot more than I want to  (I am trying really hard not to do this).  We are also watching more TV shows right now then I like, but sometimes I am just tired and it is the best I can do