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How are people reacting to the news? - Page 2

post #21 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbieB View Post

You would really think that people would realize that there is one, and only one way to respond to the announcement, "I'm pregnant." Some form of, "Congratulations!"
 

yeahthat.gif

 

DDCC...I am sad and not surprised about the awful things some of you have had to put up with.  When I had my first, I dealt with "You're not ready" and "You're too young" (at 25) to "You're too old" and "Was this an accident?" (at 39).  Try to focus on the good responses and do what you can to be as gracious as possible regarding the fact that some people just don't know how to behave.

 

And, for the first time moms, it is, unfortunately, probably decent training for the garbage that will spill out of people's mouths regarding how you parent your child!

 

Congratulations to all of your on your upcoming wonders!

post #22 of 63

I totally got the "you're too young" thing when I had my daughter at 25. Apparently mid-20s with a spouse, mortgage, and degree is "too young" to have kids. It's nice that she'll graduate high school when I'm 43, and this one when I'm 46. I have my late 40s and beyond to do things other than raising children!

post #23 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunflwrmoonbeam View Post

I totally got the "you're too young" thing when I had my daughter at 25. Apparently mid-20s with a spouse, mortgage, and degree is "too young" to have kids. It's nice that she'll graduate high school when I'm 43, and this one when I'm 46. I have my late 40s and beyond to do things other than raising children!



I'm turning 25 next weekend and am trying to prepare myself for hearing my mom tell me i'm too young, especially since I DON'T have a degree (almost!) or a mortgage yet!

post #24 of 63

Overall I think our families reacted good. We told both in the same way. Bought identical picture frames and put an ultrasound scan inside. 

However, we got burnt right after telling my mom. She asked about names and we made a huge mistake of telling her our names. She and my sister didn't stop criticizing and offering other suggestions that we plainly didn't like. Then we she heard I don't want to know the sex of the baby, she started bugging me that she has to know but she won't tell me. So what's the point of me not knowing and her knowing then? We left my family very disappointed b/c of the all the criticism of the names and etc.

 

The very next day we were celebrating his mom's bday and we did the same thing for her (the picture frame). It took her a little while to figure it out, but when hubby's SIL saw the frame, she got it immediately and hugged me with "Are you pregnant?!" Then the MIL got it and was so happy. It was the best reaction ever. She said we made her day by thinking of such a special way to break the news.

When people are happy for you, it's just nurtures your soul.

post #25 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunflwrmoonbeam View Post

I totally got the "you're too young" thing when I had my daughter at 25. Apparently mid-20s with a spouse, mortgage, and degree is "too young" to have kids. It's nice that she'll graduate high school when I'm 43, and this one when I'm 46. I have my late 40s and beyond to do things other than raising children!


Oh its ridiculous, right?  I had DD at 27 and got the "but you're young" thing.  C'mon.  I guarantee I'll get "omg you'll be 30 with this one" thing--like I completely passed through my childbearing years between 27 and 30.  I think families just need something to say so they come up with stupid stuff like that.

post #26 of 63

I'm so sorry you guys have had bad reactions. What is wrong with some people that makes them so tactless? Congratulations to you all, be it baby #1 or #10!

 

We haven't told too many people, but the close family reactions have been  positive. We're holding off until the ultrasound next week to tell my grandparents, as they are bigtime worriers.

Any anxious reactions are now coming more from the fact that Monday I quit my job of 6 years. I was miserable there, and I'm just one semester from finishing my graduate degree, so I'm back in school now. It's a lot of stress, but ultimately I really feel like it is the right decision for our family (even if it means we have a lean few months). It's at least GOOD, exciting stress, whereas I was having all kinds of BAD stress at work.

post #27 of 63

Sorry for the negative reactions.

 

I was expecting them honestly, it is baby #4, everyone knew I was finished and a lot of people didn't react great to #3 and continually asked after if we were done. BUT my sisters were all thrilled, my mom had the goofiest smile on her face, my dad, FIL and Step MIL were happy. The only one who wasn't was my MIL and I don't talk to her anymore so Hubs told her and wisely didn't share her whole reaction. Friends and everyone else were shocked but happy. We did get a lot of "So trying for that boy, huh?" and when people who knew saw me for the first time it was "Chris sure is hoping for a boy"

I don't know what people are saying when we aren't around and I don't care, we are happy......

 

although Mommas that aren't, that is so normal. I have been there. with #3 I was upset for about 3 months and know many other mommas that felt that way too. I was actually upset with this one too because I had plans. BUT I thought of me last pregnancy and my friends who spent their pregnancies upset and then I think of us now completely thrilled with our babies and I decided that I would imagine myself in 2 years, in 10 years and you know what, this is an awesome thing, so now I am happy, ecstatic even.

post #28 of 63

Finally told my mom, dad and FIL.  I thought my dad would be the worst, but he actually said, "WOW, that's great!" and started giggling, lol.  FIL said he was "so freaking excited" and started giggling, lol. 

 

My mom, who I thought would be the most supportive, said, "I though you couldn't get *that way*?"  then asked how far along I was and said, "Well, don't get too excited yet."  shake.gif  Then she said, "You will have to fly down here so I can be in the delivery room."  She's in FL, I'm in MI.  Why she can't fly up here if she wants to be @ the birth, I have no idea.  I said, "actually we're having a home birth," and she said, "Why would you want to do THAT?"  She was there when DD was born and knows I went totally naturally and knew I wanted a home birth then but couldn't get someone to do it.  So finally she sighed, said, "Well congratulations, I'm happy for you I guess." 

 

We still have our grandparents and MIL to call.  I have an epically poor relationship w/ MIL, so that should be interesting.  She is currently living in Mexico, so thankfully will not be here when the baby comes.  She visited for 2 weeks starting the day after DD was born, and it was a nightmare.  She said she came to "help" but did nothing, I cooked, cleaned up after her, did her laundry, etc. all after having JUST had a baby, plus caring for my baby, and she had the NERVE to tell SIL that I was lazy and doing nothing around the house and using DD as an excuse to not do chores.  I overheard her say this, and it just gutted me.  guilty.gif  But she was paying for the groceries while she was there, and so that made it ok, apparently.  This is only the tip of the iceberg of our bad history.

 

We'll see what happens.

post #29 of 63

wow Christy your MIL is worse then mine!

 

and your mom, it's so insane I had to laugh, that you would fly down to have the baby so she could be there. Tell her women aren't allowed to fly after like 28 weeks or something.

 

sorry about the women, but yeah for the guys reactions!

post #30 of 63

My mom has good intentions but no tact, lol.  And she talks before she thinks about what she's saying.  I did think she was kidding at first, but then realized she was dead serious about my flying down for the birth...w/o my DH or DD, and use a random care provider @ the hospital there, you know, so SHE can be there for the birth.  nut.gif  I'm sure I'll get a phone call in a few days w/ more sincere congratulations after she's had a chance to think about things, but we'll see. 

 

Sadly, I have inherited some of this from her!  bag.gif  Words just pop out of me sometimes, lol, but ALWAYS when someone tells me they are pregnant, I am gushing congratulations and hugging them!!

post #31 of 63

Congratulations to all the expectant mammas!!

joy.gif  biggrinbounce.gif  Sheepish.gif  bouncy.gif  flowersforyou.gif  hug2.gif  kiss.gif  clap.gif  thumbsup.gif  peace.gif 

post #32 of 63

When it comes to MILs, my story is a little different. I am very close to her, as is my husband (he's an only child). In March we found out she has stage 3 lung cancer. She's been through chemo and radiation like a champ, but it's all very day-to-day and no answers or definites. So my husband actually asked his father if he thought a new baby would be a joy or a stress. (I'm sure it was strange essentially discussing our sex life with his dad!) His dad said "Live your lives as you need to, but we'd be thrilled and it would be something positive to focus on."

 

So she's thrilled. She's happier than we are! But there is kind of a cloud over it, because we just don't have any idea how long this remission will last. But I'm so glad she's happy - it's great that she has something good to think about.

post #33 of 63

A couple of classic lines I've gotten so far are: "We've got some exciting news to share, we're expecting another baby!" "Are you going to keep it?"  Now WHY would I be announcing it like that if we weren't keeping it?  Such an odd response!  And secondly, "Oh, but you've just lost all your baby fat from the other pregnancies and now you are so skinny"  Yup, and now I'm going to get all 'fat' again.......but I'm also going to create a whole new life, so there's a bit of payoff for it!!!!

 

None of it really matters, overall I think everyone's just totally shocked and surprised, as they were all convinced we were DONE (all the others are spaced 3 years, and our youngest will be 5 when this one is born - moving and building a house changed things up with our planning!  AND as was mentioned quite a few times after DS was born - well, now you've got your boy so you can be done now.  I'm sure they're all wondering why in the world we'd feel the need to have one more????!!!!)  People are funny!!!!!  I know ultimately they'll be excited and happy and will support us all, it's just funny how people react when they're surprised!!!!!

post #34 of 63
Thread Starter 

I got this one with baby #2. So very weird.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by beaner&tiegs View Post

A couple of classic lines I've gotten so far are: "We've got some exciting news to share, we're expecting another baby!" "Are you going to keep it?"  Now WHY would I be announcing it like that if we weren't keeping it?  Such an odd response!

post #35 of 63
Congrats to you all!

Fyi: i am typing one handed while nursing please excuse typos

We have had very happy responses from everyone except DP's family. My in laws all Gasped with a heavy sigh. BIL replied first with" oh god another one" mil next with judgement "so does ghat mean there will be a wedding involved?" and later not happily "so how long have you known about this little surprise". I heard no congratulations from anyone until saying goodbye to my SIL. Apparently BIL said congrats to my fiancé. Um, hello we are having a baby this is good news.

This is our second baby and while yes our dd was a surprise she is the best little love we could have ever wished for. This baby number two though was very much planned. I even freaking asked this baby to come live in my womb. wink1.gif

I was never actually told I was too young with dd but people treated me like I was a teenager even though I was 23. And plus I don't feel it is except able to treat a teen mom that way either so long as they aren't putting their child in harms way.

With dd I had some spotting and went to the ER bc I was out of town and my midwife suggested I get checked out but left me feeling this was normal. They, (the hospital staff), told me I was probably having a miscarriage and would lose my baby and then sent me to a room and wouldn't let my fiancé come with me bc we weren't married. And then shoved the vaginal ultrasound stick up me saw the heartbeat and said "oh there is a heartbeat" matter of factly. Then the woman asked me" so are you going to keep it or get rid of it?" Seriously? And this was at GW hospital in DC ...wow!

All of that said, I agree with a previous poster this is great practice for the garbage that just flys out of people's mouths once your baby arrives. Bc ultimately to everyone on the outside you can't win it is a double-edged sword. you win no prize but the relationship between you and your child(ren) and the same goes for your personal life. You owe no explanation to anyone. As mom's we all do the best we can with the resources and knowledge we have available. Trust your instincts. smile.gif

@ christy, wink1.gif that's hilarious about your mom suggesting you fly down to her and thank goodnes you MIL is in Mexico! You are so not lazy quite the opposite my hat is off to you! Hugs!

@ justkate it's funny. There is never a good time to get pregnant but always a great time to have a baby smile.gif
post #36 of 63

OMG Christy, I wouldn't tell anyone when you go in to labor!  Have the baby and let DH call them the next morning.  winky.gif

post #37 of 63
Oh my gosh ladies, I feel so badly for some of you!! I'll tell you, we specifically told everyone we knew we were planning to have a bunch when we started having a family just so they wouldn't be surprised when they kept coming.

With our first we didn't announce until about a month before I was due, and some family didn't get the announcement until the day he was born. To me it was just too personal. I totally know this is not common, but it has worked for me.

Honestly though, we have never heard any of the nasty comments you guys are talking about. I think I'm blessed with a family that is too polite to say what they might be thinking out loud.

Now, my husband is going to start hearing the "time for a bigger house" FROM ME!!
post #38 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by justKate View Post

OMG Christy, I wouldn't tell anyone when you go in to labor!  Have the baby and let DH call them the next morning.  winky.gif


Yeah that. smile.gif
post #39 of 63

 I am compared to Michelle Duggar so often I think I may just start telling people we are trying to catch up to the Duggars!

post #40 of 63

I've only told DH, two close friends and my chiropractor.  I'm just not ready for "the comments" yet, so I told DH let's wait until the end of September.  I'll be 12 weeks.  I'm not expecting a lot of congratulations from family.  Like pp, there hasn't been a lot of excitement since #4.

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