Thinking about quitting....

[VickiJosaphat]

While the idea of my child being educated by someone else, being away from him all day everyday kills me. I feel like this isn't fair to him.

He doesn't have any friends and I have come to a dead end on where to find him any.

At the moment he is in Sunday School. Most of the kids there go to the private school attached to the Church.

He is in swimming lessons.

there aren't any children in our neighborhood..

We'll be going on a 3 week vacation to Ca. soon. It will give me time to think about it long and hard.

[phathui5]

How old is he?

Are there any homeschool groups in your area? Activities in the community for homeschoolers?

[southernmommie]

I wouldn't give up yet. It might take a while to find friends. How old is he?

[SweetSilver]

And how does your son feel about this?  Is he sad because he doesn't have any friends?  Or is he oblivious?  Is this an issue only because think think he *should* have friends?  You know, hanging out at each other's houses etc.  I mean, what exactly is a friend?  One you invite to your birthday party?  One to spend the night?

     I ask all this because I've finally just given up caring about looking for more opportunities to specifically find friends.  My oldest, 6.5, has moved away from the hubbub since the first day she could crawl away from the baby group.  Play dates, play group didn't work.  She scowled at kids in the park.  I felt pretty isolated, especially for my youngest.  But then I saw that she was friends with her sister.  We have a friend to play with (no more than every 3 months, really).  And now we do gymnastics every week.  We drive almost 45 minutes for this class.  Even though she barely talks with these girls, she counts them as her friends.  And we have yet to bring any body home!  

     So, she feels fulfilled.  Even my youngest is happy.  Yeah, sure I'd like more friends, but the girls have no issue with the situation.  We'll get "friends" eventually.  I can see her personality melting into something more approachable. For now, I've just had to reevaluate what friendship is exactly.

[VickiJosaphat]

I have searched high and low, for over a year. Can't find anything.

[VickiJosaphat]

He is 8

[VickiJosaphat]

He has always been the same way.. When we would go where other children are he would just ignore them and do his thing. Now I have noticed that while at swimming lessons he does try to talk to other children. and has told me that he is ready to have friends now. Since he has told me that, I have been trying to find some group/club, ect that we could join that he could meet other children in.. We have one person that has a child his age that after knowing them for 2 years, getting together for 2 years, he boys have finally decided to become friends and quit ignoring each other the entire time. Problem is, we can't get together too often and I find him being bored and lonely.

He has a younger brother, and they are best friends, play together ALL the time. Problem is, his younger brother is just 4, He is 8.  We will be in Ca. for 3 weeks, my husband and I are really going to use this time to try to figure out ways for him to meet other children.

The very last thing I want to do is send my child to school.

[sarah_bella1050]

What about 4H, boy scouts, soccer, baseball, dance, etc?  There are tons of activiites to get a child involved in where there will be kids his age.  Sometimes kids have a hard time finding those few "good close" friends, but there are plenty of opportunities to socialize your child in this society.  I know that socialization is a big thing with anit-homeschoolers, but it really depends on the parents how socialized a child becomes.  A kid can be in school all day with the same 30 kids, but never get to play outside of school.  Or a homeschooler can have their kids involved in tons of activities where the child can adapt to a range of social situtions.  You are may not find other homeschoolers, with kids the same age, with the same interests and real connection, b/c frankly that's a tall order.  Different ages, different schooling preferances, and different interests are not nearly as important as good people that you can connect with.  Hopefully you can find a good solution, if not go with your gut.  If it's saying he not doing well and you think he would do better in school then go with it, you can always change your mind later if you need to.

[VickiJosaphat]

I agree with all of this, while I was in public school, I didn't have any friends, I was too shy. So I do know that this is also not the answer. I also know that we only need 1 or 2 good friends..... Just the tast of finding them, when they feel they are at that point of needing them. I guess its time to get my hunt on... Thanks for the advice ladies, I hope I can get this going.

[purslaine]

Have you tried arranging recurring park days or recurrent activities with lots of informal time built in?

[jeteaa]

My oldest is only 7, so I can't give advice from years of experience. However, I will say that a general opinion is that TRUE and quality friendships are often not easily formed in a school environment.    After school (or hs) sports, art classes, dance classes, hs park days, hs ice skating, drop in soccer, hs co-ops, library activities etc... is where kids have the FREEDOM to interact with others with SIMILAR interests. I would not recommend going to school to make friends. 

[jeteaa]

I wanted to add that I'm from WA also, a bit north of you and I KNOW you live in an area with TONS of opportunities for your dc. Now, if this is an issue of you not wanting to be apart of these activities (or chauffeur him too them), then that is a whole different issue.....

[4evermom]

Have you joined this yahoo group? http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HSA-Loop/

There may be others but I'm not all that familiar with your area.  Around here, most of the homeschool action is through yahoo groups.  Post on the group and see if anyone wants to meet you at a playground or at a museum or play place.

Have you checked your local Y or community center (if you have them) for homeschool "swim and gyms?"

Check any museums near you for homeschool programs as well.

It's hard and it takes work.  I'm not always happy with the social opportunities that are available to us but I keep posting parkdays and posting when we are going to museums.  Sometimes we get a good thing going with friendships.  I know school doesn't mean automatic friendship, either.

[xzaviers_mama]

Haven't read through the replies yet... but just wanted to mention that we're just starting HS this year, and we're totally within distance to hang out!  My ds is 7.5, and would be entering 2nd grade this year.  He had a rough time with anxiety issues through K & 1st, and I think this will be a much better fit for him.

I tried to join a couple of yahoo groups for HSers, but haven't heard back from them.  I'm not really sure how else to find kids for my son to meet with.

[xnwife]

Search for homeschool groups through yahoo groups, meetup.com, and/or cafemom.com. All  he needs is 1 or 2 good friends. School doesn't provide alot of opportunities for socializing anyways so if that is your only reason to put him in school, I think maybe you should wait. Give it some time. Keep exposing him to activities that challenge him to practice meeting new kids and engaging in conversations etc and pretty soon he will "click" with someone.

Also, why not start a group. There is probably another mom just like you, in your area, who is having a similar experience. You might be surprised by what happens when you step out there and make the first move. Good luck!

[MistyMommy]

Just want to second the yahoo groups suggestion.  The one listed in 4evermom's post is a great link. Within the HSA there are chapters for Burien, Enumclaw, Federal Way, Issaquah, Kent, Renton, Pierce County, and a Teen Group. 

For those of you that have not heard back from yahoo groups, please try again.  I know that there was a merge over the summer of several smaller groups and a restart of the Issaquah group.  

I am new to HS'ing and started going to park days this summer with the intention of finding some companions for my 7.5yo son.  One thing I learned is that the same people don't always show up so it is worth it to keep going again and again until your schedules sync with someone that might be a good companion.   We have been to about 10 park days and are slowly finding kids that my son clicks with, so it isn't always a quick process. 

I know what the feeling is like when your kiddo's don't have any close friends, I was laying in bed with my son chatting before he went to sleep tonight and feeling huge guilt about him not going back to school next week because once again I feel like I've yanked out from under him the base he had for starting friendships.  We had toddler group friends that we stopped seeing once he went to preschool, then we stopped seeing the preschool friends once he went to kindergarten, we switched schools for him in 1st grade and made some new "friends" and then I decided to HS so now those friends are gone. He has had lots of "friends" over the past 5 years and none of them have really stuck, we move on and then other people get busy too.  So I don't know if that is any better than finding 1 or 2 friends that HS that can be there for the long haul.

[Stacey B]

I would also look and see if there is a local AP group, We found a wonderful group of parents and kids to connect with.We started out in a playschool group which as morphed into a homeschooling group as most of us have decided to homeschool. Still he has other friends through the same community who go to school too. There are groups attached to API, but I've found that those tend to focus more on babies than the locally created unaffiliated ones. Our local one was started by some local Mamas and is great resource for our area.

[hippiemombian]

I have the same guilt issues about my 7yo. She really misses having "friends" in school and sometimes I feel like I am not doing her any favors by homeschooling her. I've emailed all the hs groups in my area several times and haven't heard back from them. She and her sister are bestfriends, but I know sometimes she wishes she could have a sleep over or something with a friend her age.

Something that struck a chord with me was this past weekend it was my 4 yo's birthday. She told us she wanted to have a pool party and my heart broke for her because she doesn't have any friends to have one with. We took her to the pool (myself, DP and dd1) anyway and you know what? She was as happy as a clam! We were enough for her. She was perfectly content it just being us and never mentioned anything about "I wish my friends were here" or whatever.

I think my guilt with DD1 comes from the fact that she was in school for K and 1/2 of 1st grade. She made friends and enjoys school a lot. I feel like because she got a taste of PS and enjoys it she misses being around other children. I know that school isn't for socializing, but part of me thinks I am doing more damage than good by keeping her home.

Idk, I rambled and I didn't really have anything to offer, but I just wanted to let you know that I know where you are coming from and it is something I struggle with too.

[snanna]

Originally Posted by VickiJosaphat 

I have searched high and low, for over a year. Can't find anything.

The South-side group of the larger Seattle Homeschool Group has a couple of families from Burien that sometimes come to park days in South Seattle. And there is a nice selection of 7 to 9yo boys that usually shows up.... Would that be a possibility for you? There is also a West Seattle park day that might be easier to get to. http://www.seattlehsg.org/ You can use the contact email on the website to request a newsletter, which will give you park day info along with lots of other stuff. Once you come to a park day (or some other event) you can be added to the yahoo groups that keep everyone in the loop. 

Good luck!