Normal Potty Learning Behavior?

[holothuroidea]

My DD turned 3 last week so I thought now would be the right time to do potty learning. 

We started yesterday. I put her in underpants and said that they don't catch pee like diapers and if she has to pee to tell me and we can go to the potty. I put a stool in front of the toilet with her potty seat and showed her how to use it. She pretty much knows because she's been doing #2 in there for months now.

Well, she peed 4 times on the floor yesterday. Each time I just had her help me clean it up and said, "maybe next time you can pee in the potty." When her dad came home she told him that she needed to pee, he put her on there and she did it. She was really proud of herself and came to me yelling, "I did it! I peed in the potty!" I gave her a big hug and said, "Yay! You did it!" Later that night when her dad was in the shower she peed on the floor again (she still had access to the potty, we have 2 bathrooms). This morning, when dad was around, she told him she had to go again and was successful. Now that dad is at work she's peeing on the floor again. I still just clean it up and say, "maybe next time..." Then, she peed in her pants and didn't tell me (she did every time yesterday) and just went into her closet and took ALL of her pants out of the drawer. I got really mad because she undid all my work, and I said so. "It makes me really mad that you did that. It's work to put all of your pants away and now I have to do it all over again!" She cried, and said "I need to pee!" She ran in the bathroom and shut the door and she's been in there for 5 minutes now. I ask her if she's OK and she says she's peeing. She's obviously not.

I'm a little confused. Is she acting out because this is a big step for her? Is it my imagination that she's only cooperating for her dad? In fairness, dad is much more gentle than I am in general but I don't really have a gentle personality and I haven't seen it make a difference in anything else.

Taking all of her pants out of her drawer is an unusual behavior for her, she never goes in that closet.

Is this all just par for the course and it will pass? Do I need to be more proactive (take her to the potty every hour or something). I'm a big believer in giving kids a chance to learn in their own time. I don't mind cleaning up the messes, I guess I'm just a little put off that she'll do it for dad and not for me.

[lillymonster]

My child didn't pee in the potty until 3 1/2 and at 4 1/2 can still have accidents. I wouldn't push it. Sometimes if they are having fun and don't want to miss what they are doing, they won't go. Maybe she cooperates with DH because she is not involved in something she doesn't want to stop.

[lifeguard]

It's been 2 days. Give her more time - it's an adjustment.

We always simply said "Remember, we pee in the potty" cleaned up the mess & moved on. We also brought ds to the potty & had him sit on it with every pee to reinforce it. We never did forced, it's been 15/30/60 minutes, time to sit on the potty sessions or asked him if he needed it. I did remind him to tell me if he needed to go.

[JudiAU]

Potty learning takes awhile. I wouldn't expect it to be this fast regardless of what method you are using.

Personally I prefer a more scheduled approach that allows a child to build understanding/ relationships between the urge to go/where to go. In that sense, it really is training. It is pretty much the opposite of here are your underpants now you go to the potty. "Diaper Free Before Three" was really helpful to me.

I also think it is really helpful to have a potty near the play area, because it takes less time to go and acts as a visual reminder. Plus, it gives kids more potty independence. Big potties require a lot more coordination and strength and are far away.

[SamsMuffin]

Both my girls did the exact same thing - at the beginning, they would potty just fine with my husband but totally not try when it was just me.  Is your husband more relaxed about it than you?  Are you asking her a lot or reminding her a lot about the potty?  Maybe she feels pressure when it comes to you, but none coming from dad?  Just some thoughts.

My youngest (3 in Oct.) is training right now.  At first she would go on the floor or in her pants with me, even when there was a potty right nearby.  So I put her back in diapers, didn't say anything about potty training to her again, and waited until she herself decided she wanted to use the potty.  A week or two after that, she said she wanted to use the potty and has been using it ever since.  I really think a lot of it was that I stopped talking about the potty and she didn't sense any pressure (even though I never was trying or meant to put pressure on her!) 

Having multiple potties in different rooms is a good idea too.

 

 

[BubbleMa]

I would stop saying, "Maybe next time you can pee in the potty".  When you say it like that it sounds like an option.  I would tell her, "We pee in the toilet, not on the floor".  And then take her in and sit her on it after she has an accident.  I would also make sure you tell her to go try every so often.  Don't ask her if she needs to go though, she'll likely say no.  You might have to reassure her that whatever she's doing will be there when she gets back, but once she goes a few times and realizes that she's not missing anything she'll start to catch on.

[rupunzlkim]

Below is a post that mostly reflects my views.  I'm of the camp that children should be potty trained earlier rather than later.  Don't believe it when folks tell you not to worry that kids are always trained before school starts because there are many children in school with potty issues.

Don't take the daddy/mommy difference personally.  She's only performing better for daddy because she doesn't see him as much which then DOES make her want to impress him more.  Definitely get him more involved and on your side with this and he can help lessen your burden.  Definitely make it fun. I picked up several singing type potties at a consignment sale and rotated them every few days to give my DD something to look forward to.  Read book, play patty cake, etc. to make potty time good time.  Now, here's the post I referred to.

"My son & twin girls were daytime potty trained before 2. It's a great time to start, before they get in the stubborn ''no'' mid-twos, and take delight in your positive reactions to what they do. There is the child-led approach (kids need to take the initiative) and the parent-led approach, which if done right is pressure free and basically just teaching the child a new skill, that of using the potty. Between 1957 - 71, 85% of 2 year olds were potty trained. By 2000 that fell to 4%, one reason was the child-led approach recommended by the pediatrician Dr. Brazelton. Most child-led potty training literature fails to mention he was a paid consultant for a disposable diaper company.

What worked for us was not using pull ups nor training underwear. They get so busy playing they wouldn't stop to notice if they were wearing an underwear or diaper. We started using underwear after they were about a month accident free, other than that they went with nothing under their pants. We started with sitting on the potty 1x day right before bath and over a couple of weeks did it more and more. We let them see us use the toilet & talked to them about it. Keep what you say simple, ''it's time to sit on the potty,'' asking if they need to go doesn't work as they aren't ready for that & may just say no to express their independence. If they had an accident, we put them on the potty during/after the accident and calmly said ''pee pee goes in the potty, not on the floor.'' We had a potty in the living room/play area and in the bathroom, so one was always on hand. The first week we stuck close to home, then had a week or two of short outings. When we did go out I brought a potty and would have them sit on it in the back of the car before we went into a store, etc. My son was in daycare when we trained him, so he wore pull-ups to school but was diaper free at home. He became potty trained at home, but it took a couple of months before he would wear underwear to school. The key is to keep it fun (sing songs, read books while they're on the potty, do a silly potty dance & song when they pee in it), light, and never let them see/hear you may be upset or frustrated with their accidents or progress. I tried potty training my twins at 20 mos and saw after a week they weren't getting it, so we put the potties in the closet and tried again 2 months later. Then it just took one girl a week to get it, her sister maybe a week or so longer."

[akimball]

I started focusing on potty learning at age 2, and I think this was one of the ways nature threw me a "bone"...because my son was completely potty ready by 2.5, through the night and everything.  

Things we did: 

-Cloth diapered

-he always saw me flush the poo in the toilet,and I started having HIM do it once he was big enough

-He always saw US go to the bathroom...doors open at home

-NEVER gave "rewards" for potty.  If it got in, "YAY!" If not, "Maybe next time". The reward is not having wet pants. 

-I would sing, tell stories, whatever to help him stay on when we were working on poo in the potty and to help him be comfortable just sitting there.  

-Once he was having dry diapers at night, I did NO diapers and undies all day and we would preemptively go to the bathroom at 30 minute intervals throughout the day, give or take.  When we went out we would go before getting in the car, when we arrived somewhere, when we left somewhere...and he would usually have to pee.  There is no way for them to be able control it all AND figure out when they have to go, so I took that part out of the equasion for him. 

All I can say is it worked for us.  He's had a few pee pee accidents in the last year, a few in bed and a few just being distracted playing at home...but generally, it's been smooth sailing.  I just stay on top of it and make sure he tries to go before any long haul activity (car, bed, etc...)

I don't know if this helps at all...but I tried my best to watch him and keep a cool non-issue attitude about it.  NO BIG DEAL...it's just where people go poo and pee...so we have to learn this.  No stress,no pressure.  

Good luck!