Normal Potty Learning Behavior?

[holothuroidea]

My DD turned 3 last week so I thought now would be the right time to do potty learning. 

We started yesterday. I put her in underpants and said that they don't catch pee like diapers and if she has to pee to tell me and we can go to the potty. I put a stool in front of the toilet with her potty seat and showed her how to use it. She pretty much knows because she's been doing #2 in there for months now.

Well, she peed 4 times on the floor yesterday. Each time I just had her help me clean it up and said, "maybe next time you can pee in the potty." When her dad came home she told him that she needed to pee, he put her on there and she did it. She was really proud of herself and came to me yelling, "I did it! I peed in the potty!" I gave her a big hug and said, "Yay! You did it!" Later that night when her dad was in the shower she peed on the floor again (she still had access to the potty, we have 2 bathrooms). This morning, when dad was around, she told him she had to go again and was successful. Now that dad is at work she's peeing on the floor again. I still just clean it up and say, "maybe next time..." Then, she peed in her pants and didn't tell me (she did every time yesterday) and just went into her closet and took ALL of her pants out of the drawer. I got really mad because she undid all my work, and I said so. "It makes me really mad that you did that. It's work to put all of your pants away and now I have to do it all over again!" She cried, and said "I need to pee!" She ran in the bathroom and shut the door and she's been in there for 5 minutes now. I ask her if she's OK and she says she's peeing. She's obviously not.

I'm a little confused. Is she acting out because this is a big step for her? Is it my imagination that she's only cooperating for her dad? In fairness, dad is much more gentle than I am in general but I don't really have a gentle personality and I haven't seen it make a difference in anything else.

Taking all of her pants out of her drawer is an unusual behavior for her, she never goes in that closet.

Is this all just par for the course and it will pass? Do I need to be more proactive (take her to the potty every hour or something). I'm a big believer in giving kids a chance to learn in their own time. I don't mind cleaning up the messes, I guess I'm just a little put off that she'll do it for dad and not for me.

[imolivia]

My son is 2 1/2 and I've been potty training him for a month. I've been through most of that myself.

All you need is patience. I ask him every hour whether he wants to go to the potty but it doesn't always work however I'm happy when it does

[crunchy_mommy]

Was she upset/emotional about all this? If you were the only one upset by it, I would just keep at it, it's going to take time. If she was really negatively affected by it, I'd just put her back in diapers, hide the potty, and try again in a week or two. I know that's supposedly a no-no (going back to diapers, that is) but it's what worked for DS when he got very emotional about potty-learning. I took it as a sign that he just wasn't ready. He's now much better with using the potty (although not yet fully trained out of the house etc., we haven't pushed it at all) but more importantly, he doesn't have negative emotional reactions to it now. He just needed a break, he was putting too much pressure on himself.

Also, consider the language you are using with her... "Maybe next time you can use the potty," kind of implies she might not, that maybe you don't have faith in her that she can do it. I would stick to something like, "Oops, you had an accident, let's clean it up. Pee goes in the potty" --- matter-of-fact and direct. Leave out the 'might's & 'maybe's and 'only-if-you-really-want-to's and give her the confidence that she CAN do it.

[holothuroidea]

Thanks ladies. Yesterday she spent A LOT of time in the bathroom. She would go in and sit for 10-15 minutes waiting to pee and then go in a half hour later and sit again. I didn't tell her to do this, she'd go in on her own. But, she only peed on the floor twice, which was a major improvement from the day before. I think as long as she continues to make progress I'll encourage her to just do what she's doing. I feel like she's just getting the hang of recognizing when she has to go and when it's too late.

"Maybe next time" is actually her phrasing. She uses it when she feels bad about doing something she wasn't supposed to do (like peeing on the floor, or snatching a toy from her baby sister). It's kind of like, "Well, I screwed up this time, but next time I can do better." I can see how it doesn't sound like that from someone else's perspective but she uses it all the time.

Yes she is emotional about it, and she has gotten upset. She had a big tantrum yesterday about putting undies on after her nap. She was groggy and hungry and all the emotions over it came out. I don't think that's a reason to stop and put her back in diapers. I think it's reasonable to be emotional over this. I'm just going to let her go at her own pace (I did not force her to put the panties on, I gave her a snack and showed her where they were for when she was ready), and listen to her when she's upset, and help her clean up her messes. 

I guess the way people talk about "potty training" in the traditional sense (I don't have any crunchy mom-friends of toddlers) goes a whole lot differently with reward charts and gummy bears and pull-ups and all kinds of nonsense. So, I didn't really know what to expect.