tough transition from school to aftercare

[dollyanna]

I arrived to pick up DD from her 2nd day of preschool to learn that she was crying hysterically for a long time when the kids transitioned from school to aftercare.  She likes school, but it seems that most of the other kids get picked up when school ends -- at least this first week (according to her none of the kids in her class are in aftercare) -- and she basically begged me not to leave her there. 

I feel so unbelievably guilty.  It's not helping that the people are saying how it's "a long day."  DD's been in daycare since she was 3 months old, so really, it's not just that it's a long day. Saying that just makes me feel like a jerk for leaving her. I'm also pregnant & hormonal & I feel like the worst parent ever.

I know that this was only day two. There was also an earthquake today, and I'm sure that freaked her out. I just hope it gets better. I don't want her to be unhappy.

I talked to her tonight about how she'll have friends in her class and how she'll make friends in her "other class". And how she'd get to hang out with some older kids (which she normally likes).  The aftercare people suggested having her bring an object from home that will help her feel more secure, so we talked about that & she'll bring something tomorrow.

Any other suggestions? 

[One_Girl]

Did she have to wait a little while before they picked up?  When my dd was younger that made her very anxious.  It really helped to talk about how she will always get picked up even if the person picking her up is a few minutes late.  If she was already anxious from seeing other kids leave before she was picked up it may have put her in an emotional place where she couldn't deal with the newness of the atmosphere.  If you can find out what their routine is like and talk to her about it at home that may also help her to adjust quicker.  Talking about the highlights on the calendar and reading books about moving to different schools may also help her process the change.

[Geofizz]

Originally Posted by dollyanna 

I feel so unbelievably guilty.  It's not helping that the people are saying how it's "a long day."  DD's been in daycare since she was 3 months old, so really, it's not just that it's a long day. Saying that just makes me feel like a jerk for leaving her. I'm also pregnant & hormonal & I feel like the worst parent ever.

I know that this was only day two. There was also an earthquake today, and I'm sure that freaked her out. I just hope it gets better. I don't want her to be unhappy.

A lovey or special thing for the transition is a good idea. Ypu could also write her a note to have the teachers read to her at the transition time. Focus on the cool " big kid " stuff in aftercare that's not otherwise available, pick out a kid she admires and talk about that kid a lot. Praise her for her hard work in both rooms.

It *is* a long day. Translation: it will take longer to get used to than you think. DD did kindergarten then aftercare at age 5, and it took 6 weeks for her body to adjust. We moved bedtime earlier (painful when you barely get to see your kid as it is), and we set aside a lot of time to sit and snuggle. I would set time aside before school inthe morning talking her through the day, and we'd spend time right after school snuggling as well, sometimes before we'd even left the building.

[Super~Single~Mama]

It was only day 2.  Maybe you could start leaving an extra snack for her for that transition?  I know that my son (who is only 2.5yo, so it may not be the same for your dd) needs so much food, and if I have extra snacks that helps him when he's having meltdowns since they are usually due to hunger.

It will get better - she'll get more used to it, and lots of extra snuggles at pick up and at home will go a LONG way.  Don't feel guilty, you're doing the best you can, and you love her, and she knows that.  The first few days (or weeks) of school can be tough anyway, b/c things are always more chaotic at the beginning of the year, and so that will calm down a bit too.

[dollyanna]

Thanks for the tips. She's made some very limited progress as far as aftercare transition, but I also got a report from her teacher that she wasn't sharing & hit another kid   I think part of it is that I doubt she's napping well.  I also don't know how she's eating.  I need to ask about that tomorrow.