The problem of pregnancy...

[Emily Laurita]

Hi ladies!

Congrats to all of you expecting ladies, I have much respect and joy for you, and cannot wait for it to be my own.  I guess maybe I am just looking for a place to vent, but it seems like everyone I talk to, as this secret hate for children and pregnancy (women and men).  I am 22 years old and I am so emotional ready to be a momma and its just so frightening to just hear so many people my age just have such a passionate resistance to children, pregnancy, families and I just find it sickening frankly!

Have we lost our way?

Well, I wanted to echo once more my sentiments of joy and excitement and glee for all of you wonderful mothers! You inspire me, and I cannot wait to be pregnant myself!

Sincerely,

Emily L.

[gitanamama]

Sorry you're coming up against such negativity! I'm a relatively young mother (I was 24 when my son was born) and while I didn't experience any hate or negativity, I know that most of my friends and peers are nowhere near ready to start families yet. While everyone was happy for me, I think it's hard for most of my friends to relate. Like you, I've always known I wanted to be a mama and I felt ready at 24, whereas most of my friends aren't thinking about having kids for another 8-10 years. Maybe the people you are encountering are just in a totally different frame of mind about kids and families.

On a positive note, I was pleasantly surprised by all the wonderful energy I received when I was pregnant and now that I have my son. People went out of their way to strike up conversations with me or even just smile, which I really appreciate. Maybe once you're pregnant and a mama things will shift and people that know you will see the joy that it brings you. And maybe you could seek out some new pro-pregnancy/birth/family friends...women that already have kids or are open to the idea. This forum is a good start--so many powerful, positive mamas!

[Paigekitten]

I will be 25 this September and having my third in November.  I find that I tend to hang out with older friends now, because they are so excited about kids and babies.  It's like the negative ones just kind of drifted away because I was into different things ya' know?

Welcome to MDC. :)

[munchymum]

Our culture seems to convince women that they are ruining their lives if they have a child before the age of 28 or so.  I disagree.  I think a lot of women who leave children till their thirties do regret it later - I know a few who have had trouble conceiving second or third babies in their late thirties.  And you have more energy in your twenties!  I don't see why you can't enjoy your children's early years then embark on a career when they are a bit older.  I think if you feel ready then it is absolutely the right time to have a baby.  And as far as money is concerned, babies can be very cheap if you breastfeed and avoid buying all the crap that the baby industry throws at you. I say all power to you.

[amberskyfire]

I feel the same way. It has been very disheartening how many people really dislike children or act as though having kids ruins your life. I have actually been called a "breeder" which is beyond rude.

The anti-child feelings I experienced on the mainland were part of why we moved to Hawaii. Children are so well loved here. Everyone in the islands seems to adore kids. It is even part of the culture for all children to call every adult "Auntie" or "Uncle," even if they are a total stranger. It makes me so happy to see how accepted children are here. It's really wonderful.

The only time I ever get negative comments now are from our friends and family back on the mainland. When they hear about me being pregnant, they say things like "you two are not ready to have kids" (I was 27 when pregnant with my 1st) or "that's so irresponsible!" or "well, don't bring them around our place. We like a clean house." No kidding. My MIL actually screamed at us over the phone and said "how could you!" when I was pregnant with my 1st. She practically disowned us. It was really distressing. We are good friends now and she's a great grandmother, but I'll never forget how badly we were treated just because I got pregnant. I don't even understand it. DH had a great new job, I was 27 and he was 32, we are both responsible, working, non-drug-using adults with a healthy lifestyle and a nice house and had been happily married for 8 years. We were treated the way I've seen people treat 15 year old girls that get pregnant (which isn't okay, either!).

When it gets me down, I just tell myself "well, at least these people who hate kids aren't having any! If those of  us who love kids keep having them,  the negative people will eventually breed out because they won't be teaching their attitude to the next generation." At least that's what I'm hoping will happen.