potty training disaster... AT FOUR

[happy1nluv]

My four year old (3/23) is not potty trained.  He CAN do it... I don't know what else to do... I bribed him with a new toy (wrapped, so he couldn't see what it was) if he went a full day with dry underwear and he did it without a problem.  I didn't remind, cajole, etc... I just told him the day before if - when i put him in underwear - he stayed dry all day he could open the package and get what was inside. And then I left him alone... (we did stay home that day and it was a normal boring-ish day).  (We thought he would pt before my oldest because he seemed to grasp the concept first - he's worn underwear off and on - at his request - since he was TWO) ...  The next couple of days were great... I did remind him a bit here and there - but he was fine.  We even went out in public without a problem!!!  And then... the accidents started.  Now, its like 5 times a day he has wet pants.  I really don't want to go back to diapers, but wth?!?!?!?!  He knows HOW to do it, he knows WHAT to do...  he just WON'T do it if there is anything remotely interesting going on.  He'd rather just wet his pants and tell me about  it later... 

Any advice?  Cause I'm about to have the first kindergardner (not that it matters - we homeschool) in diapers!!!

Thanks!!!!

[NiteNicole]

I hear ya.  It's frustrating.

I would just remind him more often.  Nag the heck out of him.  Make him go every half hour or whenever you think he might need to.  Go ahead and decide that you're going to commit to it for a week and stay on him. Much as with new puppies, you can generally tell when a kid has to go.  Don't wait for him to go, tell him to go.   Eventually, he will get sick of you and start to go.  You know he can do it because he has, so it's not like you're trying to make him do something he's not ready for.  Just keep making him go and if he makes a mess, hand him the supplies and let him clean it up (suddenly it will seem a lot faster to GO than to clean up after you've GONE).

[swd12422]

We went with the nagging. It worked. We had to tell DS that he is a big boy and knows how to listen to his body. When his body tells him to use the bathroom, he needs to be a big boy and go right away. Since he's not acting like a big boy, Mommy and Daddy will remind him to go. (He HATED this. He doesn't like being told what to do.) We agreed that when he could be "responsible" and go without complaining when we asked, we'd stop reminding him and let him listen to his body....

It was kind of roundabout with the logic, but he got it and it worked pretty quickly b/c he was so annoyed at us telling him when to go.

[happy1nluv]

He DEFINITELY doesn't like it when I tell him to go... he actually prefers a pullup so he doesn't have to stop and go.  He's driving me crazy...  (ok, that was a vent...)  I'm going to try your logic on him tomorrow and see if it makes a difference...

[Learning_Mum]

My DS1 was much the same. I ended up bribing him with chocolate. He'd get an M&M everytime he used the toilet. First it was any time he just sat down on it, and then we progressed to everytime he actually used the toilet and finally he was just so used to going that I didn't need to bribe him anymore.

[scottishmommy]

Originally Posted by Learning_Mum 

My DS1 was much the same. I ended up bribing him with chocolate. He'd get an M&M everytime he used the toilet. First it was any time he just sat down on it, and then we progressed to everytime he actually used the toilet and finally he was just so used to going that I didn't need to bribe him anymore.

I'd probably do the same thing. After a few weeks he should get in the habit. Good luck!

[NiteNicole]

You have to ditch the pull up. 

[eggsandpancakes]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole 

You have to ditch the pull up. 

+1. Nag, bribe, stickers, pick him up and put him on the potty and do not let him up until he goes, whatever. But giving him a pull up is enabling him, and reinforcing that mommy is going to make it okay to go in his pants.

[swd12422]

Oh, yeah. Definitely ditch the pull-up. What our friends did with her kids was she got rid of all the pull-ups in the house, then got a box (or a few from a friend, if available) that are at least 2 sizes too small. Then when her son demanded one, she told him he was a big boy and didn't need them. Of course, he insisted, so she sighed and gave in, and then made a big show of struggling to fit the too-small diaper on him. See? You're TOO BIG for these! End of story (for them). Pull-ups were never an option in our house. It was diapers or big-boy underwear. Night time was a struggle -- he went two months of being dry at night before he'd try underwear, and the first night he wore undies, he had an accident. Then he went back to diapers at night and it was two more months of dryness! So frustrating, but at least he wasn't in diapers all day. (He did regress in daytime and had a few accidents while night-time learning, just so you know.)

[ShadowMoon]

I would definitely ditch the pull-ups during the day. That's what worked with DS. He was also late to potty learn and bribes don't work on him. Ditching the pull-ups and reminding him to go constantly is what got him. Good luck and don't stress too much

[momof3tobe]

My ds was four when he potty trained and we did the sticker chart. He got 1 sticker when he went pee and two for poop. When he filled up all the squares on the chart he got to go to target and pick out a toy. It was a pretty big chart so it took him about three weeks to fill it up but I bought a huge book of stickers and just being able to pick one out and put it on his chart seemed to keep his interest going.

[Mummoth]

Sometimes when I could see that DS might need to go, I'd say "I'm going to go pee FIRST!" It didn't need to be in response to anything, I could just randomly blurt it out. He'd go charging in there to beat me to it. I'd do the pee-pee dance because I needed to go SO BAD but now I have to wait because he got there first. The biggest down side when it was my turn I'd have to try and squeeze *something* out so my cover wouldn't be blown. Anyway, it made it into a game so he started initiating it when he had to go. 

[swd12422]

Originally Posted by Mummoth 

Sometimes when I could see that DS might need to go, I'd say "I'm going to go pee FIRST!" It didn't need to be in response to anything, I could just randomly blurt it out. He'd go charging in there to beat me to it. I'd do the pee-pee dance because I needed to go SO BAD but now I have to wait because he got there first. The biggest down side when it was my turn I'd have to try and squeeze *something* out so my cover wouldn't be blown. Anyway, it made it into a game so he started initiating it when he had to go. 

I completely forgot that we did this, too. I'd tell him to go, he'd start crying hysterically and refuse (really, you'd think I was beating him) and then I figured out to just ask him if he wanted to go first or if Mommy could have a turn. He'd let me go first sometimes, but usually would go after me if I just said brightly, "Your turn!" And that turned into me leaping up and running for the bathroom, and then we'd see who could get our pants down and on the potty first. Ridiculous and exhausting, but worth not having an accident to clean up.

Also, I don't know how often you go out, but we never leave the house without using the bathroom first. So if you can orchestrate multiple trips out (like one for errands, one for a walk, one to the park, etc.) then you have at least a few times a day where he is inspired to go on his own so you can get out and do something fun.

[happy1nluv]

I bought some M&Ms, and they seem to be working for now.  Not sure if its something new, or if it will continue to work... but I'm going to try a few of the other ideas too!  Thanks!!

[ModerateMom]

I agree about ditching the pull-ups during the day.  With my son, I finally told him that he had to clean it up and change his own clothes when he has an accident, and that worked pretty well.  Eventually, he figured out that it takes longer to do all that than to just get up and go.

[MistyMommy]

Get a timer or use the kitchen timer, set it every 30 minutes. Tell him there is no arguing with the timer. When you need to go somewhere, increase/decrease the minutes so that it goes off just before you need to leave the house and he uses the toilet before you go.  Be very consistent with it, after a few days increase the time between trips to the toilet. 40 minutes, 50 minutes and so on. This method was very effective with a 4 yo that was regressing in the toilet training area and was up to 6 accidents per day.