I had started a thread somewhere about my 3.5 year old DS, but it's been a while since I visited. Back then I was preggo and struggling with some emerging behaviors from him, mostly physically attacking me, throwing things, destroying things, etc. Some had suggested he was dealing with anxiety about the impending birth, etc. Some suggested look into side effects of Singulair (which he has been off of for several months now). Some others suggested to read up on SPD.
Well, here we are 4 months pp, and with a beautiful baby girl. DS loves her, he adores her BUT he is still extremely difficult to manage. He DELIGHTS in pestering and harassing me and this results in spitting (constant) in my face, blowing snot, hitting, punching, kicking, jabbing, poking, refusing to do ANYTHING he is asked... you name it. Usually he is laughing the whole time, but sometimes he is screaming a fit (this is new). He also is in failure to thrive category and this summer he has lost even more weight by simply refusing to eat. Today he ate one chip for lunch, and 1/2 sausage link for b-fast. That's it. It is now 5:39 pm.
I have tried to not be "controlling" but I find myself needing to control the dangerous stuff that he does. I normally remove him from the room or rediect (rarely works).He doesn't just have an outburst here and there, it can be ALL DAY LONG with him. I am completely at a loss as to how to manage him. I have used every calming technique I can think of only to have a toy hit me in the face. So far he has not hurt the baby (I keep her close at all times) but I think his aggression/anger is mostly at me not her. He wants to get that bad/mean reaction from me and will ramp up bad behavior until he gets it, and then continues after that - like someone who just wants to fight fight fight! Its crazy. No person can calmly deal with this all day every day and not show a reaction or wish a gypsy band would come through to pick them up.
What do you all do when you are attacked by your children over and over? What is an appropriate response that works??