Fast forward to this year. It's the second week of school. B is in DS's class one day a week. Last week, they were happy to see each other in the morning, but when I picked DS up he told me B hit him b/c they were fighting over a toy. I reminded him to use his words, not grab and fight back, and that if B wasn't being nice that DS could go find someone else to play with. Last weekend, DS brought it up again, and said, "B isn't my friend. I'm friends with kids who are nice to me."
Today was the second time they were in class together, and when I picked DS up, there was an incident report in his cubby. B had smacked him again, this time hard enough to warrant ice and a report.
I spoke to the director on our way out (teacher was already gone for the day), and she basically said they were handling it the way I was: By telling DS to use his words to let B know his behavior wasn't nice. She was very vague about how they were handling it on the other end. It made me feel like they are putting it all on DS to not engage. He's 3! And I could tell that he feels like they're blaming the victim.
I do want DS to learn to speak up/stand up for himself. I do know that it's hard to get the full story from a 3-year-old. But another mom told me last week that her DD reported being smacked by the same kid. At what point is the teaching 3-year-olds to use their words not enough? It's a long process to get them there, and it's worth it, but how many bruises is DS going to have to suffer for these "teaching moments" before something else needs to be done?
I'm waffling between outrage that more isn't being done when at least 3 incidents have occurred in one week, and just hoping that this will be a valuable learning experience for DS. But right now I just feel like he's feeling pummeled and unsupported, like B is being allowed to continue hitting, and DS is being scolded for not telling him right away to stop pushing/hitting.