i really want to do this

[asnitkina]

i've been reluctant to even post here.  i guess i'm feeling guilty and embarrassed to even share, but i really need some advice and not sure where else to ask.

i gave up breastfeeding my daughter when she was less than a month old.  i could never get her to latch properly (except when i was sitting in the lactation consultant's office).  whenever i would try to nurse her at home we would both end up crying (her because she was hungry and me because i felt like a failure).  i tried pumping for a while, but i just never got much of a supply.  i convinced myself that it would never work and switched to formula. 

more and more i've been feeling that i gave up too soon.  especially within the last week i've been feeling so awful about it (even right now i can't stop crying).  honestly, i don't know where this is coming from, i thought i was at peace with my decision.

my daughter is nearly four months (so it's been nearly three months that i stopped).  is there any hope for me?  she's obviously used to bottles at this point.  i'd be willing to pump exclusively if it would at least get some breast milk to her.  is there any way to establish a supply at this point?  i so want to do what's best for my child, but feel like i'm not.

please be kind with me...i've beaten myself up enough already.

thanks for listening.

[Partaria]

Hey there...

Listen, no one here is going to beat you up. That's totally not what MDC is all about. There are some very compassionate mamas here!

It sounds like you did have and still have the most loving intentions toward your child. And honestly, yes, breast is best. But breastfeeding is hard for many of us! Really hard. I was not prepared, personally, for what a challenge it would be (there was also lots of crying in our house too). Sounds like you tried very hard to make it work (said you saw a lactation consultant and tried to pump), but that it became really overwhelming. I'm sorry that happened for you. It sounds like you really felt disappointed.

I'm not sure what the answer is to how to get your milk supply back. But, I'll bet one of the smart mamas here could help. I've heard of grandparents and even parents of adopted children being able to lactate and breastfeed, so I'm guessing it's not too late and that if you want to, you could try again. I did a quick search and found a good article on this issue over at kellymom.com: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/relactation.html  Give that a read and see if any of the info is useful to you.

Mainly I just wanted to post to send you hugs. Be gentle with yourself, okay? Mothering is hard enough without your inner critic giving you a bashing. Lots of love and peace to you, and good luck on your quest. 

UPDATE: I just found this page on La Leche League's site. Has stories from mamas just like you. You are not alone! Read for some good info and inspiration: http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb/nbrelactation.html

[homemademom]

Oh, please don't feel bad or ashamed!  I know, easier said than done, right?  It's hard when you want to do all the "right" things but reality doesn't want to cooperate!  I had low supply with my 5th baby and up until then, I was pretty smug about how *everyone* should be able to bf, blah, blah, blah. As it is, my baby drank LOTS of formula while we tried to figure out his latch problems and my supply problems. In fact, he was still taking small supplements until a couple weeks ago (he's 6 1/2 mths old).  One thing to remind yourself is that ANY breastmilk your baby gets is wonderful, so if you want to relactate, take it one day at a time and be grateful for any amount that you're able to give :)  Here are some resources on relactation: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/adopt/relactation-resources.html#linksrelactation  

Some things that helped me get my supply up were Motherlove's More Milk Special Blend (purchased from Amazon) and Domperidone (purchased from overseas pharmacy: http://www.inhousepharmacy.biz/p-17-motilium-10mg.aspx) and lots of pumping and nursing.  

A lot of moms swear by using an SNS or lactaid because you get the benefit of the baby suckling (and stimulating lactation) while formula is also being delivered via a tube.  When supply is low or gone, it's hard to convince a baby to stick around long enough to suckle, so it's a great idea. I must admit, I wasn't very successful with it (I have large nipples, and my baby didn't want to open wide, so it was a chore to get him to latch even without the tube).

We used bottles (playtex nurser nipples are supposed to be a good brand for being similar to latching on a natural breast) and put pumped milk as well as formula until my baby could latch properly. After he mastered latching, we were fortunate that he was able to switch back and forth between breast and bottle without any issues.  

Pumping is probably going to be your biggest help.  They say to pump every 2 hours for 20 minutes or 2 minutes after the last drop.  Drink water, take supplements, eat oatmeal.  I know waking in the middle of the night is no fun, but my best pumping times were about 3 am and again at 6 am.  Your prolactin levels are highest at those times so it's good to take advantage.

Good luck! I hope others will chime in because I am NO expert, just a mom who struggled to bring my supply back from virtually nothing to completely adequate.  One more thing, if you still have problems with latching, see another LC!  

[tincia]

My baby is four months old and it took us this long to finally get the hang of it..i can honestly say i have only just started to get some enjoyment from breastfeeding! It really isnt too late if this is what u really want! Maybe meeting with an LC would be a good idea and supplementing with a lactaid or sns might get things going again.. Be realistic with your goals..any breastmilk at all is great for your baby! I hear u with all of the emotions, even as things have started to get better, i feel like my self worth comes from the number of ounces of breastmelk i can manage to produce in a day..the more formula i am forced to supplement with, the lesser a mother i am..but we have to learn to be proud of all of the effort we r making to do the best we can for our babies!