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Does anyone else get annoyed when asked to bring something to a party? - Page 2

post #21 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyamo View Post

I don't mind at all when I am asked to bring something. Maybe because I am really introverted and don't host parties, so I'd rather be able to contribute by bringing a dish than by throwing my own party another time. In fact, I am going to a BBQ tonight where the hosts are providing the BBQ meat and the guests are asked to bring a side dish or dessert. I didn't even blink an eye when I read that part of the invitation email.


It's funny. I was thinking while reading the OP that asking each guest to bring something sounded a bit strange, except for an actual potluck. But, it occurs to me that I've seen that at barbecues many times. It's not uncommon to basically say, "we're grilling [fill in meat here] - bring a salad/drink/whatever".

post #22 of 94

I have to admit, it would depend on several factors - who is throwing the party, what the host(ess) requests, and the type of function.  If it is a family member, I always ask (and bring wine), so I wouldn't be bothered at all.  If it were for something like a birthday party for kids, I would probably find it odd since that could easily be accomplished with inexpensive snack foods and/or cake/cupcakes.  Generally speaking, I wouldn't mind helping out, but I would probably find the request odd in certain circumstances.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post


OK that sounds really wrong to me. Really, really wrong. I'd reply with, "We'll be there, please bring $15 to cover the cost of your child's bday gift."

Chortle.

 

 
post #23 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by enkmom View Post

 Where I live it would be incredibly rude NOT to bring something to a party.  It is never asked for in the invitation and when you rsvp the hostess will always say "just bring yourselves!", but everyone brings a dish/bottle/basket to include anyway.  My MIL even took her German potato salad to catered wedding receptions.  Maybe it is just a midwest thing?  No one I know would bat an eye if they were asked to bring something to a party.


Oh, this would piss me off. If I paid money to have a meal catered and someone brought food that didnt go with the meal I was serving at all, I would be pretty irritated.







Around here, people bring side dishes and things to cookouts and gatherings. If I were to have a bbq, it would be expected that Id provide the meat and people would bring things like potato salad, baked beans, chips, ect. Im hosting, so I have plates, silverware, glasses, coolers for people to store their beer, ect. If Im throwing a birthday party for DD, I make all the food. If someone brings something, it might not go in where I want it to, it might not have a space on the table, it might not taste good and I dont want to take credit for it. For DD's birthday, every single thing was made from something she liked. It was my theme. OF COURSE mil brought bbq in a crock pot. WTF? Im not serving lunch. It was all appetizer food, and stuff made out of cheerios, yogurt drops, blueberries, cheese, ect (all Ada food). Ada is vegetarian and so are most of my friends. I didnt have a place on the food table for it, and surely no place to plug it in. Super annoying.

I take wine or cheese for the party host. Either to enjoy at the party, or to save for later. Its a thank you to the host, not an addition to their already planned dinner.
post #24 of 94

I don't think it is rude at all.  And if it is an invitation with a request to bring something, you are welcome to decline, thus, I don't see how it should be an imposition.  IDK, maybe it is just a regional "thing", because it is quite common where I have always lived.  And I don't find it a problem at all.

post #25 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shakti77 View Post

maybe they just call potlucks as parties in your area??



LOL, I was thinking this too.  I don't go to parties that aren't potlucks, pretty much.  There is this one potluck Christmas party I've gone to for several years, it's always a potluck, but the person who has it provides a lot in the way of meat, hors d'oeuvres and alcoholic beverages.  And it's always billed as a potluck even though it feels like a fancy party.

 

But I never get written invitations to anything else but birthday parties.  People having potlucks don't mail me an invitation and I think often parties are just finger foods anyway, not a meal.  I'd be put out with being invited to a BBQ by invitation, and being told to bring my own meat because I'd already be assuming I need to bring a side dish or drinks or something.  I've been invited to BBQs where the meat is provided, but it's understood the rest of the stuff is potluck.  So I might ask what the hostess thinks will be needed, and she might ask me to make potato salad or something. 

 

I've had cookouts in the past, and people ask what they can bring and I say nothing.  Or if there is something you want to eat, bring it.  Pretty much people always want to bring the food they like to Thanksgiving dinner or a summer BBQ, so now I don't bother telling them they don't have to bring anything.  Maybe people just hate my cooking!

post #26 of 94

It's one thing to bring a hostess gift. I always do -- wine, flowers, something else I think the hostess would like. If it's wine, she can chose to use it at the party, or not. That's up to her.

 

If it's a potluck, I absolutely don't mind.

 

If it's just a party . . . yeah . .. I think it's a bit lame. If you can't afford to entertain, don't. Or have something small with just drinks and chex mix or something.

 

That being said, I always ask to be sure. After all, i don't know what cultural assumptions people are coming into things with. And, truly, although I think it's a bit lame, I'm usually just glad *someone* other than DH and I are actually putting something on, that I bring something along graciously and willingly.

post #27 of 94

I admit, this does irritate me.  I throw a huge party every year.  I have the tables set up a day before with labels for where all the food goes so my server can easily set up without me.  It is planned out, serving dishes are selected to fit and look nice, etc.  I serve very nice appetizers.  Selected to be easy to eat, non messy finger foods.  Then one year someone shows up with two HUGE pans full of this cheesy sausage dip thing (with nothing to dip into it with) that had to be heated and kept warm when served and I have to figure out how/where to put them.  During a party when I should be greeting guests.

 

Nope, I really meant it when I said there was no need to bring anything!  *sigh*

 

And I'm horrible but same thing with flowers.  Bring me flowers in a vase!  Love it!  Hand me a bouquet I need to immediate arrange and put in a vase (which I have to go the basement to get?) in the middle of hosting?  No thank you.  Yes, apparently I'm that much of a meanie.

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by enkmom View Post

 Where I live it would be incredibly rude NOT to bring something to a party.  It is never asked for in the invitation and when you rsvp the hostess will always say "just bring yourselves!", but everyone brings a dish/bottle/basket to include anyway.  My MIL even took her German potato salad to catered wedding receptions.  Maybe it is just a midwest thing?  No one I know would bat an eye if they were asked to bring something to a party.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post



Oh, this would piss me off. If I paid money to have a meal catered and someone brought food that didnt go with the meal I was serving at all, I would be pretty irritated.

 
post #28 of 94

I'm drawing the line at bringing food to wedding receptions, but pretty much anything else I'm game for. The bring your own meat to the BBQ doesn't bother me. We live in an area with a lot of specialized diets, so I've often seen invites that request you to bring whatever you want to grill. Often, though, they do say they will provide buns and sides, etc. A lot of folks in our area are vegetarian or vegan or gluten free or all of the above and it's kinda crazy trying to figure out what people want to eat. I've been to a lot of bring your own meat BBQs and someone will have a veggie dog and somebody else will have a salmon filet and somebody else will have bratwurst.

 

As for other kinds of parties I'm all for offering what I can bring, but I'm fine with not bringing, too. Don't bring me wine, please. We never drink it. We drink beer here and don't need a lot of that, either. 

post #29 of 94
Thread Starter 
Well the party was super fun. We had a blast! We actually were the first to leave and that was after 5 hours. It was funny though, there were around 15 guests and everyone brought enough food to feed 20 people. There was a serious surplus of food!
post #30 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post



Oh, this would piss me off. If I paid money to have a meal catered and someone brought food that didnt go with the meal I was serving at all, I would be pretty irritated.







Around here, people bring side dishes and things to cookouts and gatherings. If I were to have a bbq, it would be expected that Id provide the meat and people would bring things like potato salad, baked beans, chips, ect. Im hosting, so I have plates, silverware, glasses, coolers for people to store their beer, ect. If Im throwing a birthday party for DD, I make all the food. If someone brings something, it might not go in where I want it to, it might not have a space on the table, it might not taste good and I dont want to take credit for it. For DD's birthday, every single thing was made from something she liked. It was my theme. OF COURSE mil brought bbq in a crock pot. WTF? Im not serving lunch. It was all appetizer food, and stuff made out of cheerios, yogurt drops, blueberries, cheese, ect (all Ada food). Ada is vegetarian and so are most of my friends. I didnt have a place on the food table for it, and surely no place to plug it in. Super annoying.

I take wine or cheese for the party host. Either to enjoy at the party, or to save for later. Its a thank you to the host, not an addition to their already planned dinner.









 


Well that's your fault.  What are people supposed to eat if there's no meat???  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I kid.  

post #31 of 94

I love it when I'm asked to bring something to parties.  In fact, I usually insist.  Most of my family is gluten-free, so if we bring something, then I know there will at least be something there we can eat.

 

And, it definitely takes a lot of pressure off throwing a party when other people contribute.

post #32 of 94
For a sit-down dinner party I'd probably bring a bottle of wine or chocolates and it would be weird to be asked to bring something, but I wouldn't be offended. For a bbq, or a party where everyone is sort of mingling and drinking and there's a table full of food set up, then I would expect to be asked and offer if I wasn't. If it's a really small "party", like under 10 people, I'd offer to bring a dessert or salad or something.

For Rain's goodbye party earlier this month we told people we were grilling and we also provided a decent amount of drinks (alcoholic and non) and some chips, and we said something like "feel free to bring a side dish or dessert. Some people did, most didn't, some brought beer... many of the guests were young, so we didn't really expect them to bring anything. It was fine, everyone had fun, no stress, plenty of food.
post #33 of 94

I'll admit I've been annoyed when someone tells me they are having a party on such and such day.  I'll say something that implies we are free and will come.  Then, the hostess calls with an assignment like "bring ice cream to go with my birthday cake."  That's just weird unless we are really close friends or I've asked her what I can bring.  Sometimes I have a special dish I want to share or try out.  Bringing it to a party is nice because I don't need to clean the whole house on top of making the dish.  But I don't want to be given a specific assignment.

 

We have an annual potluck family reunion.  Not only does everyone bring a dish to share, but they bring their own plates and utensils since it's in the country with no trash pick up.  I think that's great.

 

But I used to have an annual Christmas party, back before everyone was married with kids and double the family commitments.  I did everything.  Some people brought a hostess gift, an appetizer or wine.  That was fine but not necessary.  I didn't even expect it because it wasn't the norm in my family.

 

It just depends on the type of party, how things are communicated, what's the local norm or the norm for that particular group of people.

post #34 of 94
Nope. Doesn't annoy me. I could always say no, right? Or stay home. Also, if it's something we are all invited to, I feel better bringing along something to share and take the load off the hostess. We are a family of 6, so that's a lot to expect others to feed and accommodate.
post #35 of 94

It doesn't normally bother me -- I enjoy bringing a dish to share. But the past couple of times, we've headed to parties after being out and about for several hours, rather than going straight from home, and with the heat it's been hard to get the dish there at the right temperature. Most things I bring to a party are room-temp, so leaving them in an ice chest for hours isn't ideal (I had the bottom of a pasta salad freeze once, and then the noodles were all mushy when they thawed -- all that prep time wasted!), and is an extra cumbersome step for me.

 

Last night, actually, we were in that situation, so we ended up just stopping by the grocery store and picking up a premade veggie tray rather than worry about trying to get a dish there at the proper temperature. I would much rather have made something myself, but it just wasn't worth the fuss and I wanted to enjoy our time out beforehand without worrying about the dish in the car. 

post #36 of 94

I find it odd for people to specifically request that we bring something (other than in a potluck situation, of course) but I don't really mind.  

 

 

On the other hand.. my niece throws big family gathering parties and plays up how much work she's putting into it when what she does it to cook say, a large turkey, and that's it.  She invites people and makes a HUGE deal of getting them to RSVP right away (on facebook, mind you) and when they do, she specifies exactly what they are to bring, how much, using what recipe, or exactly where to buy it.  

 

For example, earlier this spring she hosted one of these events and when DH responded that he would be able to attend, she told him to go buy two $30 cakes from a specific bakery (no where near his house, or hers- it was a 45 minute drive out of the way) for people to have for dinner.  I found that pretty over the top.  

 

I think it's nice when getting together for family stuff especially to respond to inquiries about what to bring with something general along the lines of, "everyone always LOVES your salads- that would be a great treat!"  or "Well, this is what I've planned, is there anything you'd like to bring with you?" In my family, that's often done (with NO pressure, it would be ok to show up without anything) to have fun coordinating a meal.  Aunt Sue is bringing her wonderful peppermint chocolate bars, Jane is bringing that salad she made last time we were there, and Uncle Dave is making his famous dip...  but it's never an expectation.  

 

As for us, I will usually try to suggest I bring something I know my kids will eat.  I have really picky kids, so that can be an issue and I like to know we'll work around it. 

post #37 of 94

I like bringing something, because then I know there will be at least one thing there that DD will eat. Or when I know other guests are bringing simple things, I can bring something the kids won't touch with a ten foot pole and I can have a treat :D

post #38 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by insidevoice View Post

she specifies exactly what they are to bring, how much, using what recipe, or exactly where to buy it.  

 

For example, earlier this spring she hosted one of these events and when DH responded that he would be able to attend, she told him to go buy two $30 cakes from a specific bakery (no where near his house, or hers- it was a 45 minute drive out of the way) for people to have for dinner.  I found that pretty over the top.  >



IMO, if you are going to have your guests supply part of the food, it's really rude to micromanage what they bring. Suggesting the category of food is ok, so that you don't end up with all dessert and no side dishes, for example. But beyond that it should be up to the guest to decide how much money and/or effort to put into it.
post #39 of 94

First, I've never been to a sit-down dinner party. I think I would find that boring. I like family parties where kids are running around, people move from room to room to chat, etc. It would feel weird to me to sit in my good clothes at my friend's home and have them serve me dinner.

 

Parties, for me, aren't about the food. Yeah, food is great. I love food. But parties are for interacting with people I love. There is probably at least one party per month among our social circle, and extra food is always welcome and sometimes expected, depending upon who is hosting. I don't get angry or upset when someone expects us to contribute to the food, because they are opening their homes to everyone for good times and cleaning up all the mess afterward.

 

My family hosts a dessert party every year. Nothing but sweets are allowed, and guests are asked to bring a small dessert to share. That is part of the fun....everybody brings their favorite things. We usually make 3-4 desserts on our own and provide coffee, Bailey's, sangria, milk, etc. Those who don't bake bring Cold Stone Creamery cupcakes, and this year someone brought a quart of Italian ice that is Peep flavored. It's an all day affair, open house style. Between cleaning before- and after-party, food preparation, doing dishes, and entertaining people for 6-7 hours, we've put in a lot of work even if we didn't provide every morsel.

post #40 of 94
I don't get it. A lot of people are saying it would bother them, unless it's a potluck. What's the difference? Isn't a potluck just a party where everyone brings something to share? So when the host asks you to bring something to a party, then it's a potluck, right?
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