HELP! What do I do?! - Page 2

[Thystle]

I hope you sued the tenents in small claims court! Even if you can't get the money out of them they deserve to have that show up on their credit report!!!

Are you going through the state where they can take the child support directly out of his paycheck? Or from his tax return if he is in arrears?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}   Hope things are looking up for you guys!!!!!

[elus0814]

I really feel for you and I hope things get better for you financially soon. I do, however, see several places you can trim your budget down. The fact that you mentioned in a post that you were planning to apply for emergency food stamps tells me how desperate your situation is and that you understand the situation.

house $800 - I personally think this is very reasonable for a place for four people to live.

car $325 - again, this is very reasonable and is necessary since you do not live near public transportation

insurance and gas-  $140 - this isn't a huge amount but if I were in your shoes I would make sure to only drive where I absolutely have to go and try to combine errands to lower gas costs

groceries etc - $500 - this might be a bit high but I don't think it's completely unreasonable; having pets, however, is a luxury and you really can't afford luxuries in your financial situation; I'm sure your pets are important to you and that you feel they are "earning their keep" so maybe try a food bank to see if they have pet food donations they can pass along to you but if not it might be time to find a new home for your pets

credit card bills: $600 - the medical bills are understandable but charging a new laptop was not smart, you are not in a financial place where you can afford to go out and replace a computer because it was broken, maybe try returning the new computer and seeing if you can get a cheap one from a friend or off craigslist; we just gave three old computers away to friends, they weren't new technology but they worked fine, there are lots of people happy to sell an old computer for $20 or whatever they can get for it; I know it's difficult to carry debt but if you're to the point of asking for food assistance then making minimum payments on your credit card might be best until you have child support coming in

$60 internet - internet is a luxury, you said you need it for your etsy shop then said that you knit for pennies, if you're not earning more than $60/month on etsy then, in my opinion, your internet should be cancelled; you can even cancel it anyway and use a computer once or twice a week at someone else's house or at the library

phones: $60 a month - this is a lot of money to spend on cell phones when you're running $1500 in the red every month, maybe look into pay as you go phones and only use them occasionally, I grew up without a cell phone (even though some kids in my high school had them) and I'm no worse for the wear, your family having a single working phone is a necessity but having three is a luxury

gas/electric/water/garbage - $175 tops - not really anything to do about these bills besides being frugal with energy usage 

savings - $75 - you're running so far in the red that saving really isn't an option right now, just use your money when you need it

clothes etc- $80 a month - this number shocked me, I completely understand that you want your kids to have clothes they're not embarrassed of but that might not be possible right now, new shoes should not even be considered until you're in the green; if there are no hand me downs available check thrift stores or even programs that provide clothes to the needy; to put it in perspective, my sister shops at thrift stores and her family of four spends about $20/month total, including shoes for everyone and work clothes for her

incidentals $100 - there will always be incidentals but some of the things you listed are luxuries that someone who can't afford food can't afford; lighting candles at church is wonderful but God will understand if you need to pray for free for a few months, same with tithing; gifts should be very minimal, others will understand you can't do more than say happy birthday right now and gifts for your kids can be homemade for very little since you can knit; I honestly can't believe your kids are in sports of any kind, it's a great thing for them to do but since you have to pay for fees and/or equipment it could be cut until your finances improve; an allowance is a luxury for a child/teen, they can earn some money if they really want it but it's not in your budget right now; band, like sports, is a luxury, many families cannot afford it, try asking the school about donated instruments and free lessons; field trips are another one to talk to the school about, if it's required they have to let your kids go even if you can't pay and if it's not required then it's a luxury you can't afford; lunch money is yet another thing to talk to the school about, if you qualify for food stamps I can't imagine your kids don't qualify for a free lunch; treats are fun but more than a couple dollars a month is too much; I mentioned pet care a few paragraphs ago; oil changes are necessary if you own a car but shouldn't amount to more than $20-25 every few months but you could learn to do your own to save off that amount

I contribute to my 401K and Roth IRA at a full amount (about $150 a month) and i am so far behind (expecting my husband to be a real man and take care of his wife and family) I refuse to contribute less.  I will only have enough for 10 years as it is. - my jaw dropped when I read this; I'd like to repeat that you are applying for emergency food assistance, this is not the time to be saving for retirement

My insurances (health, dental, disability, and life run about $15 a month.  a  steal...if it were not for that $2500 deductible). - this is very reasonable and it's important to keep these current 

 

[kayleesmom]

have you tried freecycle for clothing etc? wonderful site. and i hope things are looking up for you and your kids. big hugs

[aeterna]

Originally Posted by elus0814 

I really feel for you and I hope things get better for you financially soon. I do, however, see several places you can trim your budget down.

(snip)

 

Lilyka, I know you're in a terrifically difficult situation at the moment, and the things elus posted probably pain you to hear. However, I would gently urge you to consider that sometimes, you just do the things you have to do while you have to do them... things you'd normally consider necessities may need to be given a long, hard look when you're in desperate straits. 

However I, too, am a devotee of my pets and I would literally have to be facing foreclosure before I got rid of them (and I'd look for a friend or rescue who might be willing to take them temporarily, first). So, barring that, because I know how heartbreaking that would be, I think elus had some very good suggestions for you.

Specifically, I think you could probably make some significant cuts in the clothing, groceries, incidentals, and retirement accounts. These are things you can spend more money in, when you have the money to spend... for now, look into community programs, thrift stores, free lunches, whatever you can to supplement your budget, and then cut them down aggressively. Savings can be struck from the list since you need that money every month right now, anyway. I agree with elus' idea about cutting internet and using the library (or taking your laptop to Starbucks and leeching their wifi!) to stay in contact with your bf & etsy customers; they will understand that you're not accessible 24/7. I also agree with her recommendation to cut the number of cell phones you're paying for (while the accessibility is important, having food and heat is, too). 

My suggestion would be to seriously look at these expenditures, and see what you can whittle it down to. If you can get it cut far enough, continue making whatever payment you can afford to your credit cards. If not, either make the minimum (if you can afford to) or call and ask them for a deferral for now. I know carrying debt sucks... it makes me feel dirty, too. But your girls need to eat, and the month-to-month of LIFE needs to be taken care of before you worry about the future. Let your xh's payments be applied to debt, when it comes in. (That was a great suggestion by a PP.)

I'm sorry you're going through this. Do what you can to get tenants in the other half of the duplex, and then dig yourself out one day at a time. You can do this. You've done an amazing job already. ((((hugs))))

[lilyka]

Things are better.

My ex mostly caught up on child support (I think he may still owe some of Oct.  I will call social services on Monday and check).  but that was $5000 in about 5 weeks.

I also got the  other side of the house finished and had neighbors move in.  That money will go completely towards debt reduction.  ($600 a month in addition to what i have budgeted for credit cards) 

And I have been working a butt load of overtime :/ which sucks but it is about an extra $300 a month as well.

I need the animals.  i mean they really earn their keep.  We live in a very bad neighborhood and my children are often home alone.  a scary but harmless german shepherd is not a luxury.  and mouse control is not a luxury either.  The cat is far more effective than traps and cheaper.  

When I bought the computer I saw no reason I could not pay it off in a couple of months.  My ex had never been late on child support before and suddenly stopped paying.  for three months.  And this is the only connection we have to the outside world.  My kids must have internet for homework (they go to a science and technology school and much of their homework is submitted online).  And  since I am rarely around to rush off to the library and wait a few hours in line for a computer it helps to have one here.  My internet is expensive but it is how I talk to my friends and family out of state and overseas.  It is our only entertainment expense.  and my whole life has gone paperless and online.  And you simply cannot return a used computer.  i had had it for three weeks when I found out he decided to stop paying child support.

groceries I have done well at getting down.

gas and insurance....$100 is insurance and yep that is the lowest I can get it.  I tried to take myself to the Dr, when I had mono and it ended dissaterously.  let this be a lesson to everyone.  Driving while rediculously sick is not wise.  Call a friend.  I can't believe they did not total my car.  I owed $10,000 and did $9000 in damage.  Needless to say my insurance rates will not be going down for a very long while.  

we live in extreme climates so things like coats and boots and proper footwear are important.   It helps that the two oldest and I can all wear the same size shoes because now we can pass them around a little.  I also have an awkward dress code for work that I have to maintain.  i had to spend $50 each on two pairs of pants because mine ripped and I had to have them.  i absolutely could not find anything cheaper.  I have to have a certain kind of shoes.  and since I am on my feet 9 hours a day, 5 or 6 days a week they wear out fast.    6 months tops.  but I have worn cheap shoes to work once before and it took two years for my foot to heal.  I don't think a lot of people really ever do the math for how much they spend on clothing including shoes and outerwear.  

The magority of the cell phone bill is me.  And I have the cheapest plan available here.  and it is discounted because of my employer.  we have no home phone and my kids go to three different schools and need a phone for in the house.  Their phones were paid for before the crisis (they are pay as you go but I buy 800 minutes and a year of service at a time.  Thy are expected to make it last a year.  ) so I guess my monthly total now would be $15 less.

yeah the savings just goes right back into my checking account.  But when I have the money I leave it there.  so I put it in "the budget"  Clearly that was the first thing to go.

i am just paying the minimum on credit cards as well.  it kills me but what difference does paying a lot make if I am just going to charge it back up.  Fortunately the emergency card and the computer are already mostly paid off.  The one with all of the Dr. bills is next....(of course i have more bills coming soon...ugh)

[aeterna]

Glad to get an update from you - I realized after I'd posted that your original message was a little bit older. I'm glad things are looking better. =)

When you get that credit card paid off, ice it. Literally, stick it in a ziploc full of water and toss it in the freezer. Because your financial situation is still delicate, you don't necessarily want to cut it up or cancel it (in case you DO need it)... but neither do you want to justify running it back up on "necessities" that maybe aren't as urgent as you think. So make it difficult to get to, if you have to thaw it or chip it free to use it, you'll at least have that much time to reconsider whether you really need it, right? ;)

Really, really glad to hear the xh has stepped back up to the plate. They're his kids too... I'd hope he'd care that they had food and clothes and shelter, y'know?

Good work, mama. (((hugs)))

[EarthyMamaofDaisy]

Have you looked into your state's assistance program for having a phone?  Where I live you can get a credit on a landline or a free cell phone with minutes every month.  I just got one from Assurance Wireless.  It was better than the Safelink plan, which is another one.  Although the program not available in every state.

Money is super tight here as well.  We have a great town dump where I get free stuff and sell it on Craigslist for a bit of money.  Also we get our clothes from a catholic church that has a free clothing thrift shop for low income families.  Some of the stuff is really nice, including good quality winter items.  You could also visit a food pantry.  Even if you're getting FS you can get your non-food stuff there.

[worthy]

Originally Posted by lilyka 

I agree. I would like to not depend on child support but really I cannot.  I mean who can raise a family of four on less than $1500 a month? 

I just wanted to say ! I am in this situation, too.  I would like to not depend on child support I can't.  I earn about $1200-1500/month.  That covers mortgage and taxes -- or rent, were I to move -- in my house and the area in general.  I know it's iffy to have to rely on an ex's support, but I also don't feel I have a workable alternative.

My ex hasn't contributed anything since July, so I'm in the same boat you were in just a little while ago.  When/if that money comes, I'll be fine, but while I'm waiting, it's very difficult.  It seems likely that he will come through within a month or two, but I have learned the hard way to be skeptical.

So, I don't have good advice, just commiseration.  I'm so glad your ex paid you.  Good luck going forward.  I hope it doesn't happen again - to you or me.  Feel free to PM me if you want.

[4midablemama]

There are so many things in your budget that seem like extravagances to me, but most of them have already been addressed. All I have to say is look into the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace program; I did it through my church, but you can probably get it at your library. It's not a magic pill, just a simple, straight-forward approach to budgeting, and it WORKS.