Daddy has been gone since June 2011. I can say that I am very happy with my decision to end our relationship, since I realized I was not in love with him and that he will never make me happy. I stayed in the relationship because of my girls, they are both daddy's girls and I thought I could do it for them. Not so much, I love my kids but I also love myself and know I can do better. We had some problems, since my ex, is addicted to gambling so it was the perfect excuse for me not to hurt him by telling him I don't love him.
We told the kids that mommy and daddy decided not to live in the same house, because we were not getting along, but that they will always have mom and dad as a family that do not live in the same house. They didnt say much, probably because they really dont understand at their young age. We have had some difficult nights where they cry for daddy but for the most part I thought they were handling it well... not so much anymore. They have changed their behavior greatly, they cry and whine all day long over anything(not daddy related) and my oldest(4yo) is scared of everything. She wont go the bathroom without asking her sister(2 1/2yo) to go with her. She wont go anywhere in the house without me or her sister. She claims to be scare of the "wolf" and also thinks her toys may come alive (Thanks Toy Story). They both sleep with me, and every night we argue because they both want the middle, they both want my ears, someone always have some sort of bed related issue. Well, my patience is running low. I know this is super hard on them, and feel all the behavior (even though age-appropiate) has to do with our separation (no divorce since we never married). He visits often, not on a regular schedule, but at the very least he seems them 3 days every week. They have had 2 sleepovers at his house, but its more of me having let go issues. My struggle is that they are whining, crying, not listening and acting like brats, and I want to be patient, but I am not... I am turning into the mother I dont want to be, yelling and loosing my temper, I hate to be this way, and my kids dont deserve it. I pray to God I can stop being so irritable all the time, I dont know what is wrong with me lately. All I do is cry, because I'm not being the mom I want to be. In all honesty I am not enjoying my time with them, they annoy me and I need help. Its not fair to them, that I have a short fuse... I pray for PATIENCE!!!
I am in school full time, the kids have been in daycare since I started school 2yrs ago and my mom lives with me. Her constant criticism as far as how I'm ruining my kids relationship with me, is really bothering me, she has stepped up and is helping me with the girls a little more. Sometimes they prefer "abu" over me, it breaks my heart. I wonder if I'm depressed even though I feel happy. I dont want to be with him, that is for sure. He keeps wanting to come back to the house, but I am 100% of my decision.
Thanks for reading this far, I really needed to get some thoughts out of my head, and maybe someone out there, can advise me of how to help me be a happy mom again and how to help the kids cope with our new situation better, and maybe we can all be happy campers again!!!