Here, too, judges are not supposed to show gender bias in awarding custody. Of course, they're still human individuals, so how do you enforce this? For example, given the outlandish contempt of court and denial of visitation X engaged in before she moved to CA; the almost unprecedented Permanent Injunction the court issued, threatening her with jail time if she ignored any more custodial orders; the way she even more blatantly ignored those orders after receiving the P.I.; and the CE's firm recommendation that DH should have sole custody... how did the judge conclude X should have sole custody, UNLESS he had a bias toward mothers?! But, of course, he didn't have to put that in writing. He only had to say that's what he felt was "in DSS's best interest". However, gender bias isn't my biggest concern, at this point, since DH already has custody.
Certainly, many things are in DH's favor, in terms of keeping custody. Apparently, his atty. thinks it's nutty to be as worried as I am, about losing it. But that's the same atty. who thought the judge would never let X keep DSS in CA with her...and that it was a real long-shot for DH to win a custody modification. I'm not criticizing his atty. It's just that this has been a complicated, unusual case and X is a complicated, unusual person. DSS's relationship with her is complicated and unusual! She has made accusations about DH, where he thought, "That's crazy! That's not how things happened!", yet proving that you didn't do something can be a lot harder than you think it should be. That's why I'd be more comfortable with him getting his version of events in front of a judge first. X has also done things outlandish enough that her attorneys quit and DH's attorneys, the CE and a mediator assured DH, "She can't do that. She'll never get away with that, in court." And yet, she did. So, I feel like we should cover all our bases and never think, "We have nothing to worry about".
I just wanted to tell you that in custody, who has the child (possession) is 9/10's the law. Changing custody is very, very, very hard. You know that, b/c your DH did, against the odds, succeed in getting a change in custody. Now, X is fighting that battle (or she will be if she ever does file in court), and it will be just as hard, if not harder for her to change it back. I think you said (ages and ages ago, certainly not in this particular thread) that you, your DH, and his attorney worked very hard to have a written decision done by the court after the change in custody? Didn't you also say that X tried to appeal it? And the appellate judge basically said that he would have to disagree with each reason your DH was granted custody, in a very long document full of good reasons for the custody change? You still have that court decision that you can use as evidence that the custody change was in DSS's best interest, and still is, as your DH has been willing to work with X on all things, and has never once done any of the things she did when she had custody.
I say all this to try and reassure you that your DH is not going to lose custody, but I really do know how scary it is to know that you have no control over who has custody. I hate relying on a judge to make decisions about my child - it's so patently unfair. Try not to worry about it though, even though I know its hard.