My kids are always together. Always.

[seawitch]

Not to mention that they get into a lot of trouble together, it just makes me wonder how healthy it is for them to be together all the time. They share a room, they share a preschool room, they share toys, they share a bedtime, they get up together. They do everything together. Heck, they even go to the potty together. In a way, it's sweet. In another way, their behavior is much less tolerable when they're egging one another on to do naughty things - they come up with things together that they wouldn't do otherwise. I don't have the opportunity to spend much time one on one with them (can't afford a babysitter for one while I take the other out). I was an only child and DH was an only child so this is totally foreign to me. Even my friends, growing up, didn't spend this much time with their siblings - but then, they had an age difference with them. Is there a point where they will just naturally spend less and less time together? I plan on homeschooling so chances are they won't even be in different classes w/ teachers. I'm not really worried about them developing individuality so much as not knowing how to be alone. If I try to separate them for even a few minutes (like so one of them can help me do something while the other one plays with toys) they're crying and begging to be with one another.

[mommy212]

I imagine they'll grow out of it. Maybe you can sign them up for some sort of classes separate from one another, like music lessons or gymnastics. They sound pretty young still, and close in age (twins?) so try to think of it if they wanted to be with YOU all the time, how would you react? 

[4evermom]

That's sweet that they are so close.  Enjoy it!  My ds is an only child and was like glue to me at that age.  There was no being alone for him and I frequently thought he needed a sibling to give him someone else to be with.  I wouldn't worry about their not being able to or wanting to be alone at 3 and 4.  

[MJB]

Aww, I miss those days. My boys are 3 years apart, but still, from the time #2 was 5 mos. and crawling, they were ALWAYS together for the next 2-3 years. Now they are more often apart-- they go to different schools, kid #1 spends a lot of time at his dad's house and is on a swim team, they are on different soccer teams, they have different friends, etc. They also fight a lot now and they never did when they were little. 

They won't always be together all the time, enjoy it while it lasts. 

[Stephenie]

My kids are close in age and almost always together. I am not worried about it (except when they fight!) I think it is great that they have a built in playmate at home. 

[Monkey Keeper]

My girls are 5 and 3.5. Though they were in separate classes last year at school (and will be this year as well), the did play together at recess and ate together at lunch, and they have been together non-stop all summer. Now that summer is ending, I can see the difficulty "sharing" our sister beginning to surface. DD2 had a park date today to meet some of her new classmates, and DD1 cried because DD2 didn't want to play with her.

I think that some apart time, especially for one-on-one with you will, in the long run, help them enjoy their time together even more. But if they're not interested in parting now, why push it? It will come. My girls now are asking for "mom time".

[AbbieB]

My kids are always together. They love each other very much, they play together, they get into trouble together, they make me nuts together, they fight, they help take care of each other.  Someday very soon they won't want to be together so much.

My sister and I were always together too. That's what happens when a mom has 2 little kids at home. It's normal.

[crowcaw]

I have twins who are only very rarely apart.  Dh and I try to split them up on occassion and each take one, but they often spend the time talking about the other one.  They are 6 now and one thing I've noticed is when they are playing with a large group of kids, they separate within the group and hang around kids other than each other so I'm predicting as they get even older they will each have their own group of friends amd they will separate, so I'm not too worried about it.  They are very different in personality and seem, maybe from so much togetherness, to appreciate each other's strengths and defer to each other in those areas of strength.  One is a bit more dominant than the other in their relationship so I've guided a bit to help the less dominant one stand up for herself when needed,  But I view it mostly as a plus that they can be with each other so much and appreciate and enjoy each other as they do.  Not that they don't fight and get on each other's nerves. 

[Linda on the move]

This is completely normal for very young, closely spaced children. But I don't think it's healthy for it to continue throughout childhood, and I think this is a down side of homeschooling closely spaced siblings. My kids are 19 months apart, and homeschooled until they were 10 and 12. Looking back, it wasn't the most emotional healthy thing for them. It keeps them locked in their role in the family. I think it has been hardest on my younger child, who was the youngest 24/7.  I really didn't see this for what it was until she started spending more time around other people.

If you are going to homeschool, I'd recommend getting them in activities without the other one.

I was talking to a former homeschooler who has 3 girls and whose DDs just started at my kids' school. She was saying how nice it is now that people refer to them by the names, rather than as "the Last Name girls."  People see them as individuals, rather than a group.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I grew up that way with my sister (younger than me by 16 months) and then when my brother was born (five years younger than me) and my youngest sister (11 years younger than me) came along, they joined the pack. We were The Kids. We shared everything. We are still extremely close and I am so glad for the closeness we had and continue to have. I wouldn't want to live any other way.

My DD and DS are 16 months apart and they do. absolutely. every. thing. together. They chat and run and play and work together all day. We are homeschoolers too and I'm not worried. Trouble making is truly a part of this age...I really believe that. My DD eggs my DS on all the time...we're pretty lax about mischief around here, so as long as it isn't straight up dangerous, it's pretty cool with us. We do live in the middle of nowhere, deep in the woods, though....so it's a lot of all day rough and tumble outside...which sounds a bit different than your set up.

I would also say that I have noticed, when they are in a group of kids, that like a PP said, my kids tend to split and play with all the kids. If, even in a larger group of kids, they tend to go off and isolate....I may try to encourage another kind of play with other kids...but I would never ever actively discourage closeness. My mother and her brother were like that growing up and my siblings were like that and now my kids are like that....I see that as a long history of close sibling groups and it makes me proud. Our family is extremely tight and nobody ever has to worry about going through anything alone. We don't all live around the corner from each other or anything...but when one of us needs anything, the call goes out and the troops come in. It has been amazing to grow up and have each other as support. We don't just talk about stuff...we can talk about REAL life. I can sit with my brother and ask him "what does it feel like, to be a man in this world" - and he will talk to me for hours and I gain understanding about my husband and vision in my parenting of my son from his wisdom. I can REALLY talk to these people and share ANYTHING with them...they are like little pieces of me. It is so valuable to me, that these people, who have known me inside and out since I was an eight year old, shaking a stick at a bully in our neighborhood, have all of that history to serve as context. They are as much a part of my growth as a human being as my parents were...maybe even MORE important, because they never treated me like "just a kid"...they were my peers, my followers, my leaders, My Crew. They will always be that.

The world can be hard and cold. You can't always trust that people will be who they say they are....sometimes you can't even trust your own damn self. But I know I have three people walking this earth who know me completely, trust me without question and would be there to defend me through absolutely anything. There are people who can't say that. The same wild haired, freckle faced little girl who climbed into a drainage ditch to save my music box because the water scared me....is now a brave, bold woman who bakes for me and sends me little scrawly notes when I'm going through sad times. The sweet, charming little boy who would have followed me to the ends of the earth and who never told on me one single time growing up...is now a worldly and wonderful man, who swaps farming notes and cooks with me. My sweetest, smallest little sister...who rode for miles in miles in our wagon, and was the best as sneaking food out of the house, is now the best aunt in the whole world...and fills me with awe at her creative capabilities. I learn so much from her, it knocks my socks off.

OP....go with it. We were GOOD kids and we're all good adults...if you could have seen some of the trouble we got into as kids, you would shriek. I really, truly think it's normal.

[seawitch]

OK that seriously made me tear up a little!

Thanks for the replies. I guess I'm not really... *worried* about it, just wondering how that dynamic played out for others. I do feel like I've gotten the answer to my question.

Thanks, ya'll!

[Imakcerka]

It's a good thing. And so very sweet. They find comfort in each other and I really think that's the best part of siblings. Especially when they're mad at you in a unit. I love hearing mine bad mouth mom and dad in private. It's pretty funny because they don't really say bad things, just stuff like we're so mean because they can't watch TV before bed and it's not fair and their friends moms are nicer... HA! LOVE IT!

[OkiMom]

Mine are so close (4 and 2, 22 months apart) and they adore each other. Im grateful, we move a lot because of DH's job but they always have their best friend since its each other. They fight (a lot some days) but they are always there for each other. If one is upset the other is comforting her, if one gets hurt the other comforts them etc. Its just the sweetest thing.

If it helps my brother and I are 22 months apart and we are still really close. I was deployed for 8 months and he wrote me 2-3 times a day (through e-mail and regular mail). Now I live across the country from him and we still write daily and talk on the phone when we can. Even at 27 and 29 we are best friends, Im only closer to one other person and thats my husband. I know if I needed anything I could call my brother.