Cousins not being nice to ds

[prancie]

My almost 4 year old ds has a bunch of cousins, but we spend the most time with my sister and her three kids, 2 of which are older than him.  A girl age 8 (almost 9) and a boy age 6 (almost 7).  They are  not really nice to him but he has not yet picked up on it that I know of.  They will all play together, but often comments are made, especially at the beginning of play.  I understand that he is younger than them and not quite on their level, but I do expect them to be nice.  It really burns me up.  My sister knows that her son just doesn't like my son but I don't think she has picked up on the hostility going on during play.  

What would you do?

[aparent]

Maybe you could arrange for you and your sister

to be together while they were all playing and if

the older kids are being mean or something, direct

your sister's attention to it. "What did he mean by that?"

or something like that so that maybe she picks up on

her own the things that you hear. "What are they going

on about now?" Perhaps an older child might say something

that you know is mean but that you could come up with

a nice interpretation for and say, "Did he just imply that

my son.....?" Your sister might then "hear" the more likely

negative interpretation. Perhaps just a look of concern on

your face might cause your sister to ask what's up and you

could express those concerns. "Maybe I'm reading into things

too much and my son seems totally fine but I've been hearing

his cousins say some mean things to him like..... What do

you think?"

   What's your sister like? Could she hear without getting

defensive that her children are being inappropriate?

[Imakcerka]

My cousins were mean to me as well. My mom actually brought it up to the kids to play nice with me and be kind, since they were the very kids I learned how to be a good friend through. We spent a lot of time together. She gave them a responsibility over teaching me something positive and it didn't offend my aunt.

But you do have to remember he is younger and their treatment of him is generally how older siblings may treat the younger sibling. If allowed of course.

[AllisonR]

Sometimes my 6yo is OK with his 4yo sister playing with him and his friends, but sometimes he wants to do stuff alone with them. They have the same age, same interests... and DD is younger and can't really play in the way, the level, the style.. that they want. He should not HAVE to play with her 100% of the time, even if she is there, kwim? She was bummed out about it the first two times it happened, she felt rejected. But I explained that the older kids had a right to do their own thing occasionally, and I took her with me and found something special to do with her. And then on other days I let her have her friends over, and then she realized sometimes she doesn't want her older brother joining in, and that is fair too. 

The older kids might not want to play with the almost 4 yo. He can't really join in on their level, so they might not want him with them because it ruins their fun. So they might be trying to ruin it for him, to "get rid of him." My advice would be to sometimes allow them to do their own thing, and you do something specifically with him, while you are visiting your sister. If the older kids are allowed to do their own thing on some occasions, it might make them more gracious about playing with him at other times.