wow this thread.
prothyraia that was a pretty good way to look at it in my opinion. however, i agree with holeotheridea and the op. i think it's a generational thing, my mother had that expectation of dd. it made for a funny moment when my mother, who lives pretty close by but never visits dd, would try to engage her in the so big thing or some of the other stuff that people do. and dd didn't respond. and my mom was like... don't you teach her anything? and.... dd can do LOTS of stuff. stuff she figured out on her own, and stuff she obviously wanted me to show her. and she can and could at 18 mos. sight read (only 3 words really) a few things.
i think there's a conflict of understanding because there are mamas here who like the traditional things that people use and teach to interact with babies, like the so big. and anytime people suggest something that parents are doing could be wrong (not that that's what most of us are doing, we're just saying it isn't a fit with our philosophy/philosophies) people get extremely defensive.
we never taught dd that stuff because i do feel like it's teaching tricks. some babies need that for interaction, or like it. for us, we have tended to let dd take the lead, and she's been very good at communicating what she likes to do and learn. i think maybe all this is some of us have realized (sorry if i seem to be speaking for you and you disagree) at a VERY early age that we are "unschoolers." i really tend to identify with this and some of the more radical educational philosophies, and this kind of stance on things like the basic tricks seems to be the preliminary stage for this.
now, you can debate here on mdc all day about whether you "believe" in unschooling, etc. but as parents, we DO get to have some control over the kind of education our child receives. i think this is the crux of the thread arguing.
op, i hope the grandma is willing to listen to what you have to say about your educational philosophy. i cannot remember if it was you that posted about the "good girl!" thing or not, but if that were me i would just plain freak out. that is not ok for us. we don't genderfy our child, and we don't say good job, etc. because we are UP. but i would try to think about prythyria's post, and try to soften my immediate reactions by realizing that the child is loved, and that is important. but i understand the annoyance, and it's definitely worth addressing. would the grandma read UP do you think? that's a good one. eta: i looked and saw the good girl thing was holeotheridea. that phrase just makes me foam at the mouth, sorry. why not just use a clicker? ;)