Also, I am curious about the parents who don't use the word "good". Does this mean you are against praising a child for accomplishments generally? Or is this more to do with categorizing behaviours as "good" or "bad"? If DS accomplishes a new skill that he is proud of, I do praise him ("Yayyyy DS!") because I am proud of him and he is proud of himself. But I do also agree with not praising everything he does (I don't want him doing things in order to be praised and for example there is no praise when he uses the potty and no dissapointment expressed when he uses his diaper instead). I am just curious about this perspective and would like to learn more about it if you could guide me in the right direction.
can't speak for other folks on this one, but we try to avoid praise most of the time. we try to do UP, which kind of explains how praise can have negative effects. i personally have a big issue with "good" and "bad" because i think philosophically to label some act as "good" can be confusing to a child and he or she could construe this as he or she is only "good" when displaying behaviors that parents approve of. I know alfie kohen's not for everybody but if you see people who try to UP, and are curious about why some people are hesitant to say good job and use rewards, this is a pretty good article.
actually now that i am re-reading that article, i think it is absolutely perfect in the context of this whole thread. it illustrates the approach some of us are taking, i think.
and.. i think that the thinking by the folks who don't like the "tricks" is that yes, it's necessary to teach things like "hot," etc. but that, like i said in an earlier post, it's just a whole way of viewing education. i think it's a prelude to unschooling or an early stage of that. unschooling doesn't (to me) mean you don't teach stuff to your kids, it means that you don't maniuplate, cajole, coerce, or reward your kid for behaving the way you want and that you follow cues.