Sleeping arrangement questions...

[Baby_Cakes]

Anyone have a suggestion for some sort of wedge pillow?  Every time I lay Finn down flat in the cosleeper, on his back or even on his side, he spits up and chokes and sputters and it wakes him right up.  When he's snuggled up with me in bed, it happens but much less often.  I don't think he has actual real reflux, but DD definitely didn't spit up this much or this often.  Finn so far is a happy spitter, but I'm not so happy with how it wakes him up 2 min after I put him down at night.

The other question I have is about how in the heck am I supposed to be putting him in the cosleeper?  I tend to nurse him down side lying b/c I'm so damn tired, and then I have no desire to risk moving him at that point.  Is this what other moms do?  Or should I be nursing him sitting up b/c then I could just lay him down?  Even when I do that, he wakes up within a few minutes.  He only slept one 2 hr stretch in that thing, the first week.  Since then it's been a few min here and there, but never a full nap or good stretch of sleep.  It's frustrating!!

I just feel like I'm falling into the same bedsharing routine I had with DD and...while I love bedsharing I'm just not sure I want to go down that path again.  I really want to have that space for me and DH, not for dtd at all, just for that intimacy of sharing sleep space.  Any tips or advice?

[Tear78]

Have you tried putting him on his side and tucking him in there using a blanket around his bottom half? I do that with Anika and it helps her with spitting up. She still does, but it doesn't wake her up so badly. I also try to keep her upright for 20-30 minutes after nursing so the milk stays down better. Obviously that means I nurse sitting up, though. Good luck!

[Beckily]

We have a foam outlet store, maybe you have something similar where you could buy a wedge?

Our cosleeper is a bit slanted. Not sure why. He doesn't sleep in it, though :)

[cakemama579]

Have you considered something lie this?  http://www.albeebaby.com/nap-nanny-in-blue.html 

DD is a happy puker too, and so far my only solution is to do a lot of laundry, lay her on her side when she is especially urpy, and nurse sitting up--keeping her upright for as ong as possible.  In my experience side-lying nursing is more successful after a few mos when babies can regulate their own stomach gasses.   It also lends itself to baby sleeping right next to you---at least it does for me /c i always fall asleep nursing. 

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by Beckily 

Our cosleeper is a bit slanted. Not sure why. He doesn't sleep in it, though :)

Any reason?  You just like snuggling instead?  LOL.

Originally Posted by cakemama579 

Have you considered something lie this?  http://www.albeebaby.com/nap-nanny-in-blue.html 

DD is a happy puker too, and so far my only solution is to do a lot of laundry, lay her on her side when she is especially urpy, and nurse sitting up--keeping her upright for as ong as possible.  In my experience side-lying nursing is more successful after a few mos when babies can regulate their own stomach gasses.   It also lends itself to baby sleeping right next to you---at least it does for me /c i always fall asleep nursing. 

EEEhhh.  I don't know how I feel about that thing.  I've had mixed feelings about it since I first heard about it, TBH.

He seems ok with the sidelying nursing.  But you're right, it does sort of mean he's going to end up sleeping there.  I'd be ok with him starting out in the cosleeper and after the first wake up coming into the bed.  It'd be nice to get that chunk of time (even if it's only an hour) to stretch out and not sleep stuck in one position.

FWIW I swaddle him and nurse him down, and then try every night to put in him the cosleeper.  He seems to do the best if I have him resting against the rail, almost on his side but not completely, just nestled in.  Even so, it's not fool proof.  I just wondered if there was a better way to go about things that I wasn't thinking of.  LOL.  

I think it's b/c it's flat.  He sleeps great on the couch, with his butt in the crack b/w the cushions.  I think it's b/c he's sort of on an incline.  Hence the idea for the wedge pillow...

Thanks guys!

[Beckily]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

Any reason?  You just like snuggling instead?  LOL.

He sleeps on his daddy, mostly. We just defaulted to that the first night home. If daddy doesn't want to hold him (sometimes he gets tired of being kicked, ect), then he lays between us.

... I think I just got peed on. Hm.

[Maurine]

I put my co-sleeper on an incline by taking off one set of risers at the foot.  Totally improper I am sure, but it seems to help with Phin's (same name!) spitting up.  That said, he still sleeps in bed with me almost all the time.  And I do side-lying nursing and will just leave him to sleep there without burping him (trouble sometimes!).

[Beckily]

Originally Posted by Maurine 

I put my co-sleeper on an incline by taking off one set of risers at the foot.  Totally improper I am sure, but it seems to help with Phin's (same name!) spitting up.  That said, he still sleeps in bed with me almost all the time.  And I do side-lying nursing and will just leave him to sleep there without burping him (trouble sometimes!).

Charlie gets stuck in an endless loop sometimes - I feed him and lay him down but then he gets gassy so Dusty burps him. So then he's got more room in his stomach and wants to nurse.. I swear he could do the whole night that way! :P If we do it right, he can sleep without the burping, but spits up a bit. A fine trade off to me.

[jillybeans]

Reed won't sleep in his either. Being our fourth, and having fought three previous babies to sleep in the damned thing, I need sleep more. So he sleeps on me for now. lol As for a wedge...I'll ask my BIL and SIL this weekend what the SIDS alliance recommends. Their little guy has reflux and I'm sure they use something. They lost their first son to SIDS and know all the recommended products.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by jillybeans 

Reed won't sleep in his either. Being our fourth, and having fought three previous babies to sleep in the damned thing, I need sleep more. So he sleeps on me for now. lol As for a wedge...I'll ask my BIL and SIL this weekend what the SIDS alliance recommends. Their little guy has reflux and I'm sure they use something. They lost their first son to SIDS and know all the recommended products.

Ooh thank you!!!

Yes, right now sleep is what's most important.  I give it my best shot but I'm not going to stress and make myself crazy over it.  If he sleeps best next to mama, he sleeps best next to mama.  So be it!!

But thanks for asking your BIL and SIL.  I don't want to just prop him up and have it be unsafe.  Last night he slept on my chest on the recliner, lol.

[CrazyCatLady]

Have you tried a really tight swaddle?  My baby will sleep just fine alone if she is swaddled.  I sometimes put her kind of sideways with her back up against a pillow and a prefold under her head.  She will sleep alone and through spitting up sometimes if she is that way.

[Baby_Cakes]

Yup, swaddled tight every night, and usually for his afternoon naps.  

[Peony]

I'll just second Jill, none of my 4 babies wanted to sleep anywhere but tucked next to me or on me. I don't even really bother trying anymore, at this point I don't even own any baby/toddler equipment that would allow them to sleep not in my bed. The girls slept on me for years and then with the boys, when they were newborns, I'd start off the night with them curled up next to me and then halfway through the night they were no longer content to just be right next to me. That is exactly what I'm doing now. I start off the night facing away from DS2, he is tucked into my back and as soon as I feel legs moving, I wake up and feed and then fall back asleep again. In the morning hours he just wants to stay curled up in my arms so we sleep like that the rest of the night. 

[Birdie B.]

I'm having the same dilemma. Meadow is almost 3, and has been sleeping in our bed since birth.  We started transitioning her to her room and her big-girl bed almost 2 months ago. It's either been my husband sleeping with her, or her coming into our room in the night, or grandma sleeping with her while she was here.  Last night was the first night since Ruby June was born that we haven't had someone else here, and amazingly, Meadow slept in her bed all night long! Alone!

While I do miss her, and love co-sleeping, I would like to encourage Ruby June to sleep more independently at an earlier age, if possible.  I was so miserable sharing the bed with my kicking, thrashing toddler while hugely pregnant, and I just don't want to have to do that again.  I think this time it will be easier, because Ruby June and Meadow will be sharing a room, so they won't have to sleep alone.  Hopefully that will make a difference.

But right now, RJ's crib is in our room, and she sleeps in it most of the night, with me sitting up to nurse and burp and putting her back in. If I'm just too exhausted, I will nurse lying down, and fall asleep with her next to me. But I am trying, at least right now, to have her in the crib a lot so she gets comfortable there.  I am loving stretching out in my bed and cuddling my husband at night - it's been a loooong time!

[ursusarctos]

Not that I have any experience with this kind of thing, but I would approach the cosleeper as if it were a crib: first nurse sitting up, then walk/dance the baby to sleep against my shoulder (upright to prevent spitup), then lay him down in the cosleeper. That's what we did with my baby brother - he had a crib (or at least started out in it). And he had to listen to a particular CD of Vivaldi concertos every night while we danced him for I don't know how long. But it worked.

AFM, DD sleeps cuddled up next to me, but DH and I haven't been able to sleep together for years anyway (he twitches, I sigh, we drive each other crazy) so it hasn't changed much there.

[Italiamom]

I've been wondering about this a lot myself.  I had figured we would start trying to encourage DD to sleep in her kanoe or the pack'n'play around 1-2 months of age.  I read an article recently that talked a lot about establishing milk supply.  I know those first 4-6 weeks are when they're establishing your milk receptors -- babies are designed to night nurse A LOT during that time.  Sigh.  And the hormones that signal the creation of those receptors are more prevalent at night.  Which is why babies tend to nurse nurse nurse at night during those first few weeks (reminding myself, reminding myself, reminding myself...).

But then what?

I will be honest, that having Martha in the hospital made me look long and hard at how she fits into my life, and into our lives.  I had been feeling a lot more panicked about the idea of having another baby in our bed for 2+ years.  I agree Carrie, I like that intimacy.  It is about so much more than sex.  My soul *needs* that small daily connection with my partner.  But I'm planning my life with my kids, and with my DH, for the long haul.  Yes, we could all die tomorrow.  And if we did, I would have maybe missed out one last night wrapped around DH.  But if I wasn't wrapped around DH, then I would be wrapped around my kids.  I realized that I will get so few years to be wrapped around my little baby girl.  Before I know it, she'll be too old, too big, too independent...  She is fragile and impermanent.  I am lucky in each of those moments, even if my shoulders hurt like hell from sleeping with her.  I will have decades to wrap myself around my DH, and I trust that we love each other enough that we will happily pick that up in a few years.

I hope that doesn't sound too preachy, because I remember getting these same stupid responses in the bazillion sleep threads I've posted over the last few years.  "WHY would you want to *gasp* get your child out of your bed!?"  Every one of them made me want to just slap someone.  And I think striving toward what works best is a good thing.  But while you're striving, I'd say to try and look at it for what it is now -- it won't be forever, and parts of it are so precious.

[stellabluz]

When sleep was most important for a wee chunk of the night, I was really bad and put the most awesome piece of baby gear, the bouncer, IN the co-sleeper. Hey, it's better than laundry storage~at least it's getting used with a baby in it :/

For the most part we will just sleep together.

How about if you made sure you burped him good after nursing, even if he fell asleep and then put him back on boob to soothe back to sleep? Then made a transfer? I always hate risking the wake-up, but maybe his little digestives will mellow out here in the next few weeks.good luck !

[Baby_Cakes]

Yes yes YES!!  I love what you said, Michelle. Because right now, I don't mind sleeping with Finn.  In fact, when he's asleep in the swing or God forbid, in the cosleeper, I am in a slight state of panic that he's going to stop breathing, and I find it hard to fall asleep myself.  When he's on my chest or in the crook of my arm, we are in sync.  We are one.  I don't mind that at all, in fact, I feel like it's natural and perfect.  I want that.  I need that.

And for what it's worth, transitioning DD at 2 to her own room was cake.  I don't really know what I'm so up in arms about, I think probably it has more to do with wanting to honor DH's feelings about it than about my own.  Honestly, if I can be frank about it, I really only attempt the cosleeper a few times just to show him I'm making an effort.  The nights I don't bother trying, I feel a bit guilty, as though I'm not taking his feelings into consideration.

I think I need to be more open with DH about this, and hopefully soon when I'm more rested (hahahahahah) initiate sex more once both kids are sleeping so that he doesn't feel as displaced as he did the first time around.

Thanks for the pep talk, I really needed it.  Sometimes it helps to hear that what I'm feeling isn't insane.  Especially when I have a few ppl IRL asking me if Finn is "in the cosleeper yet" or giving me the "better get him into that cosleeper before it's too late" bullshit.  It's hard b/c I feel so torn.

[Lynann]

Carrie, I know my LO hasn't arrived yet but I did want to let you know that I understand the feelings about DH's opinion.

I really want to cosleep this time. With DS he was in his own room right from the day we came home from the hospital, and it was soooo exhausting having to get up and go to his room for night feedings. This time the baby will be in our room until they are sleeping through the night, as it wouldn't be fair to DS to have a crying baby wake him up when he will happily sleep 11-12 hours at night.

DH and I talked about it several times, and he just isn't comfortable with having a baby in bed with us. We had a lot of nursing issues last time that led to DS self weaning to formula at 3 months and I really don't want anything similar to happen again and I've used the nursing issue as my biggest gun for having the baby in bed with us. The current compromise is having the bassinet at my side of the bed, so that the baby sleeps in the bassinet next to me, but not actually in bed. I know once this baby is born I'm not going to want to get out of bed to put the baby in the bassinet, when it will be so much better to have the baby right next to me. I understand my DH's concerns, but he manages to never role on to me or fall out of the bed, so why would he think he would role over on his baby (rhetorical question). I know that if I just do what I want I will feel really guilty about not respecting DH's wishes, yet the Mama in me knows having this baby right beside me for the first couple of months will actually prevent some of the nursing issues I had last time, not to mention help me get more sleep.

It feels as though I get to feel guilty no matter which way I go. Do I put the baby first, or DH first? I do feel like its a bit unfair to be put in that position, but no matter when we've talked about it I always end up the one having to compromise. All I can do is just hope that once the baby gets here DH will realize that it isn't a big deal to have the baby in bed with us, and we will ALL get more sleep as a result. If after a few goes DH isn't sleeping because he is afraid to then I'll be more willing to revisit our options, but still with a reluctant heart.

I do hope you find a way to have peace about it too Carrie.

[Baby_Cakes]

It's also not really fair for them to put such expectations on us to get these babies to sleep in a certain place, when they themselves just get to pass out and not do the nighttime feedings or deal with the wakeups.  Once baby is old enough and ready to nightwean it's a different story, b/c then DH does help out with the wake ups, but still.  It's not their place to make the rules when they aren't playing the game!!

 Lyn.  I totally get where you're coming from.  I hope that once baby is here you and your husband can reach a good compromise, where everyones needs are listened to and met in someway. 

My argument right now is we all need to get the most sleep, and if that means DS sleeps in the crook of my arm, so be it.  If DH has a real problem with it, there are 2 couches and a futon else where in the house that he can rest his head on!