My husband, who is 46 years old, has two children from a previous marriage. Before we were married, he agreed that we could have one child together. Our son is now 2 years old. After I had him, I put my husband in charge of birth control.
My husband has been talking this entire time that he wants to get a vasectomy. However, he has done nothing to facilitate this happening. So, his method of choice for birth control has been the withdrawal method.
My husband says he doesn't want more children because he will be "too old." That is first and foremost his only reason for not having more. His father had a massive heart attack when he was only 50 or 51, so I think this weighs heavily on his mind.
However, I am unfortunately having *major* baby-lust. I feel like we are in this limbo-land. I keep hoping that he'll somehow accidentally not withdraw in time, but, being older, his timing has been very good.
When we had our son, he was not super-excited at the prospect of having another child because, I think, of his experiences with his first wife. The children ended up putting a wedge between them, and his ex-wife made his life hell with them. His experience with our son and me has been a world different because I'm a very different person than his ex-wife. He absolutely adores our son, and says over and over what a different experience it has been with him than in a house with his ex-wife and young children (he is still very involved in their lives, of course).
I am tired of being in this limbo-land and need to discuss what his plans are regarding the vasectomy. But part of me wishes that he'd just let it slide and we may have a happy accident.
Here are some of what I want to address:
1. I really wish that my son had a sibling. There is an 8 year difference between him and my stepdaughter.
2. #1 above leads to this concern: We are going to be snow birds more and more as the years go by. We just purchased a home in Arizona, but plan to stay in our current state in the summer months. This will probably pick up speed in another 5-10 years. I feel like my son may feel slightly alone and isolated without a sibling in this situation.
3. His concern about being an older parent: He already will be an older parent with my son...If something should happen to him, I feel like having a bigger family will help his son rather than hurt him. Financially we are all taken care of. This isn't an issue (where it WAS an issue when his father died. His father left them with very little, and his mother was disabled and had to work with deteriorating health).
Anyway, what I am wondering is how to address this to him. What do I say? Are there more points I should make? Or am I just putting the nail in the coffin for any chances of having more children by bringing these things up?