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I need some outside perspectives

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

My DD is 2 as of July.... she was in incredibly high needs newborn and infant, and we still struggle through night time issues. She only started "sleeping through the night" a few months ago, but once or twice a week we still have frequent wake ups. I had bad PPD that last 18 months, and it really turned me inside out. My husband travels for work, so he is gone M-F every week... so these problems have been entirely on my own shoulders.


I was convinced that I was one and done. I had zero desire to ever go through any of that again. Ever! But now.....


....now I'm really starting to entertain the idea that it wouldn't be so bad the second time around. *face palm*



My relationship with my DH has been on auto control since my DD was born, for some obvious and not so obvious reasons. Everything has recently come to a head, and we have some explosive issues occur to us. It was seriously the breaking point, either we would divorce and go our separate ways, or we'd come together stronger than before. And amazingly we have come back together and are back to those crazy in love feelings we had when we first started dating. I have seriously fallen in love with my husband again. We still have a long road ahead of us, but our desire to maintain what we have refound gives me hope that we can actually do it right... this time around...


But I'm wondering if these "I want a baby feelings" are due to our reconnection? or the fact that my brother and SIL just gave birth to twin baby boys? I'm not a baby person by any stretch of the imagination. The only time I was drawn to infants was when we were TTC DD... and here I am, looking at my newborn nephews thinking "wow... a baby boy would be so nice..." And I get excited thinking about the TTC process.


So, please give me some perspective here! I've always said I'd rather regret not having a second child than regret having a child I can't handle (thinking back to the insanely hard first year of my DD and the awful PPD)... but I don't feel like I'd regret having another baby right at this moment in time....

post #2 of 8

FWIW, my second was far easier than my first.

post #3 of 8


Originally Posted by dejagerw View Post

FWIW, my second was far easier than my first.

(I'll be quietly stalking this post because I, too, am looking for the same perspective).


Dejagerw, I cling to statements like this when I parents of 2+ utter them. I love the reassurance! I struggled with (looking back) mild PPD issues when DS was born 18 months ago, though at the time, I felt like I was in hell. It's been an uphill journey, and DH, DS, and I have hit a really comfortable groove. DH and I always talked about having 3 children, so now is the time where we thought we'd be TTC, but I still feel some real hesitation. I can't believe we're even thinking about going back to the newborn phase. I'd like to think it would all be easier the second time around, but what if it's not? A family at church has 7 kids and the parents tell me time and time again that the hardest transition was going from 0-1 child. Again, I love hearing that kind of reassurance, but what if it's not that way for me/us? At this point, our minds are made up to have another baby (and ideally, more than that) because we still desire more children. But, I won't lie, I'm fervently hoping for a different post-partum and newborn phase the second time around.


post #4 of 8

I just had to put in my two cents - because my first biological DD (the oldest in my siggy is my adopted step-daughter) was a HORRIBLELY hard to care for infant..........sometimes I look at her now (she's almost 5) and just think about how much time changes things - because WOW.


I am Catholic - so getting pregnant with DD2 wasn't really a "choice" if you didn't know NFP orngtongue.gif


When I got pregnant - I told myself "it's ok - I have nine months left before she is born and I have to go through it again" "it's ok - it only last a few months......they eventually grow up" LOL


DD2 was by far one of the best babies I have ever known. She slept like a dream - really even tempered. It was awesome.


DD3 is also a pretty chill baby - but when I got pregnant with her I also freaked out she was going to be colicky! Once you have a high needs child, you realize what you "can" get!


So - if I wasn't Catholic, I'm not sure I would have more than my adopted step-daughter and my DD1.........I would have been to scared! But, I am very very happy with how my family is now and I wouldn't change it for the world! 


One other point I wanted to make is that it is sooooooo much more fun to take care of a baby when you have more practice! I almost feel like having one child is a waste of talent.......it's like going to school and never getting a job afterwards! =)



post #5 of 8

My first two were almost 4 years apart because DD1 was one of those never slept, always screaming babies. I say that I don't know who cried more that first year, me or her. She is 8 now and still my most challenging child, she just never stops. I thought that I would be good, nothing could be worse then her as a baby. I was so wrong.  DD2 would of been a mellower baby then DD1, but not actually mellow, just in comparision. She ended up getting getting seriously ill as a newborn which lead to significant health issues. The first 7 months of her life were either spent in the hospital, doc offices, or at home because we couldn't take her out around people. It gradually got better, but she still has lingering health effects. And I felt like I was on the brink of insanity her first year. 



My 3rd was actually a mellow baby! I was so thrilled. Not so lucky agin with #4. He isn't like DD1 but is fussy. Sigh, you just never know. I guess 1 out of 4 isn't bad? 


Ignore typos, NAKing

post #6 of 8
My second is easier. Everyone calls him Happy Baby. And I totally LOL'd @ having one child is like getting a degree and not getting a job.

To the OP though, in your shoes I would really take some time to enjoy my new closeness with DH and I would make absolutely sure he was 100% on board with another baby before TTC. Also, given a history of ppd, it'd probably be a good idea to line up resources before another baby arrived.
post #7 of 8
Thread Starter 

I thought I'd fill everyone who was so kind to post about where we're at on this topic :)


Thankfully, I have a Mirena, so even if I caved into the impulses right now nothing would come of it until the IUD was removed. *whew* DH and I really need to readjust our living and financial situation, and we're both on the same page of that finally.


Are loose plan is the following.. relocate to where DH is working so we're all under the same roof for once, settle in and get a routine together of us all under the same roof, and then maybe TTC. So the TTC probably wouldn't occur until '12-'13. That gives us lots of time to get our ducks in a row, make sure we actually really do want two babies, etc. :)

post #8 of 8
That sounds great smile.gif. With ds2 now almost 1yo we're just getting back to dh and I having more time together. I really missed that in the baby exhaustion phase. So when I saw your post that's what my thoughts went to (even though I also have major baby fever now too).

Eta: and pre-ttc baby planning can be a lot of fun too!
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