or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Queer Parenting › Queer Conceptions~September 2011
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Queer Conceptions~September 2011 - Page 9

post #161 of 277

Ive been MIA .. taking some time to process and figure out where we go from here...


i thank you for all your support and kind words.. it means a lot to know i have that in this group...


dp and i are having a pretty hard time. we are very short with one another.. and i feel we are drifting apart.how do u go from planning a family to.. saying she is done... .... i know TTC is on the back burner for her.. and I've not brought it up since our fight last week.. We did have an ob appt yesterday and she got all her test results back. she is fine.. all levels are good.. ect... so that has been the only time we have talked of her TTC. I hope some time not talking of ttc will allow her and i to re connect.and remember how to be a couple...


AFM.. i started metformin on Sat and it is making me ill.. i have puked 2 x and generally just felt ill... Though on a plus.. i have already started AF .. in full force for 1st time in about a year.. ( ive had a few spotting months here and there)



Desert.. sorry bout BFN


and im so sorry i dont have a lot of time for personals ,,,,,



good luck to all in tww

post #162 of 277

Oh Desert hug2.gifI'm so sorry greensad.gif Big hugs to you and DP xoxoxoxoxo


Cananny - Same to you. You're in my thoughts. 

post #163 of 277

lisedea and ad astra—I saw the acupuncturist again today and got more of an explanation. She said that she doesn’t have empirical evidence, but that she and her practice partner (both fertility specialists) have both seen too many women fly in early pregnancy and then miscarry. It’s an intense and jarring physical experience to be hurtled through space at that velocity/altitude, she says, which is why we get jet-lagged (beyond the time change). So, from her perspective, she said to consider how much more fragile and less stable an embryo is than a human being and imagine the potential impact of the experience on that level. She didn’t mean to sound doom-and-gloomy and said, of course, if you need to travel you need to travel. She put it on the level of cutting out alcohol and caffeine and crappy foods. Still, I’m planning to use it as an excuse to avoid the usual expensive holiday trip… Hopefuly there will be an actual fetus involved by then. Fingers crossed.


Desert—So sorry to hear about the BFN! Next time. Until then, hugs to you and DP.


EmandJo—Congratulations! I’m eagerly awaiting that confirmation. Hope some of your first-time mojo rubs off on me....


Meghan—Thanks. The attitude always stings a little bit, but I’d expected that response from my mother. I’m sure she’ll come around, too, but in the meantime we have lots of wonderful, loving, supportive friends, which matters to us way more. At 36 I just can’t be too hung up on pleasing my mother anymore! N’s mom is thrilled, though, which is nice.


Cananny—I’m very sorry that you and DP are having such a rough time. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling, and with puking on top of everything. Congratulations about AF, though. Hang in there! Hugs to you both.

post #164 of 277

EM and Jo- congrats!joy.gif keep us updated with the confirmation!


lisdea - definitely call them... since its not easy for you to get there!  I just looked at my schedule and my very first appointment was just a consultation to take my medical history (no exam!).  Then they wanted to see me for a diagnostic cycle on Days 3(blood + u/s), 8 (sonohysterogram), 11 (blood+u/s) and 21 (blood only).  If your clinic follows a similar protocol you might be able to do the consult via phone or skype.  Is there a blood lab on the island? Maybe you could get some of the simple stuff done locally.  


Desert- so sorry for you and DP.  hug2.gif


MrsPP- I don't see how a massage could hurt - enjoy!  Your mom sounds great! Did she supply the head lamp and wine too?  My DP used one of those lamps for reading in bed... it's like trying to fall asleep next to a miner!


afm- going for two repeat beta tests Wednesday and Friday to see if things are still progressing the way they should. 

post #165 of 277

Thread crashing to say YIPPEE and congrats to AdAstra  and SmilingSara!!! broc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gif broc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gif broc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gif broc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gif

post #166 of 277

Ugh, just lost my post.....


Too much for me to catch up on personals tonight!


I had a great acupuncture appointment this afternoon and I'm looking forward to another try this cycle...hopefully with an earlier O!

post #167 of 277

Desert: So sorry about the BFN!  Here's to staying hopeful.  Try, try, and try again has become my mantra.  I'm know that our BFPs will happen someday soon!hug2.gif

post #168 of 277

Whew! Finally caught up on reading the thread.


Congrats to SmilingSara, Ad Astra, and EmandJo! Looks like the Autumn ttc season is starting out with a bang! 


Dandylez: Ah, you are a ttc-er after my own heart! Sushi, a huge coffee and a martini are also how I treat myself after a bfn. I actually call them my "menstrual martinis." This last bfn I replaced the olive with a pepperoncini in my drink so it wasn't "technically" a martini. :)


Okay, so I've been trying like mad to figure out what "AMF" stands for on this thread and I give up! It wasn't in use the last time I was on these boards and I feel like such an n00b again. :) I know it is each person's personal update but I'm lost beyond that. 


So, AMF (whatever it means): We had a hiccup with Bee, our awesome KD. He is moving out of the city to be closer to his work. He now lives an hour away. However, he reassured us that he is still committed to helping us and will make it work no matter what. I've had a total of 4 KDs in my ttc journey and I've never felt more secure than I do with Bee. After seeing some mention of it on the thread I started on CoQ10 this cycle. I'm taking 200mg, which seems about right according to my research. Any feedback on dosing from those of you who have taken it? It that a good level? I just got a nice clear positive OPK so I'll be on the other side of O likely tomorrow. We are doing our second insem today, the first was Monday, so I think our timing has been good. Here's hoping!


Gelly: Can you move me to Waiting to Know, please.





post #169 of 277

Sara: Yippe kay yay!!! Congrats. So glad to see a BFP happened while I was away. Maybe I should leave more often? eyesroll.gif


I'm baaaaaaack! I missed my TTC forums but man, was it nice to get away. Cabo was awesome. All I did was lay on the beach, lay by the pool and sip drinks. We don't drink alcohol but it was still nice to order Diet Cokes from my own personal butler at my beach cabana. :-)

I am well rested and ready to get back into it. My surgery is next Wednesday and my pre-op appointment tomorrow. I am hopeful. Can't remember if I mentioned that one of the girls from my support group that has had about 6 failed IVFs finally got diagnosed with a septum, had it removed, went for another IVF and got pregnant. She is helping to keep me hopeful. I still have to go through recovery and the 28 days of hormones to repair my little uterus before we can try again but at least we're on the path and about 7 weeks away from the next insem.

I don't have time for personals at the moment. Work blew up while I was gone (frankly, it was a mess before I left but now it's even worse) so it's getting harder and harder for me each day to do other parts of my life. But I'll be back, at least over the weekend to do check ins and shout outs.

On Sunday we have our triathlon and I am READY to rock n' roll and beat my last triathlon time.


post #170 of 277
Thread Starter 
Yeldov- "AFM" Stands for "As for me".

Any one else need moved? I'll get ya moved tonight after my night class.
post #171 of 277
Yes please Gelly...please move me to Waiting to O. Thank you!
post #172 of 277
Originally Posted by gellybeangrl View Post

Yeldov- "AFM" Stands for "As for me".


Blarg! I feel so stupid! Of course! 


Thanks gelly.


post #173 of 277

Hi Meghan -- I'm FTM and legally married to wife. She immigrated to the US based on our marriage so we have jumped through a lot of hoops and really have done our homework about legal assurances around our marriage and her residency in the US. We plan to be just as careful with regard to legal protections around parental rights because we both have family that give us cause for worry. We have been to a few LGBT legal clinics on the subject and consulted with some family lawyer friends who are queer. Best practices vary quite a bit state to state (we're in Washington, where second parent adoption is legal), but I can share what we've learned.


To answer your question, my name will go on the birth certificate, but from what I understand a birth certificate won't hold water in court. I'm told that it is more of a public health record than a legal document designating parental rights/responsibilities and that the best practice for protecting my rights as a parent would be to seek a second-parent adoption. That's what we plan to do, but even then we wouldn't be entirely safe because unfortunately courts can and have stripped parental rights from trans people even when there has been a second-parent adoption in place. In most cases, the basis of the argument was that the non-trans parent wasn't aware of their partner/spouse's trans status at the time of the marriage. So, we've also completed an affidavit that states that my wife was aware of my status at the time of our marriage.


They certainly don't make it easy! Esp not in Ohio -- geez, no second parent adoption? REALLY?! That's terrible. Sounds like just about the same reason I left my home state of Florida... but with both your family-friendly jobs and daycare set up, it sounds too good to leave!

post #174 of 277
Michigan is terrible too! I heard on NPR earlier this summer that a couple tried to second parent adopt and it was denied. Although there is nothing in the law that officially says it is illegal, no one has ever been successful. It is really sad.... I have no clue what we are going to do.
post #175 of 277

Papa, thanks for the info! I realize that the birth certificate won't hold up in court, were we ever to end up there, but it really matters to us that he be on it if at all possible. (Part of this is because my family is very conservative, and none of them are aware that he's trans...and that's how we'd like to keep it. We have a good relationship with them otherwise, and don't feel that his medical history is any of their business.) And yeah, Ohio doesn't do second-parent adoption for queers at *all*--they're one of five states that explicitly bans same-sex partners from petitioning to adopt their partner's child, so we're SOL on that front.


I'm sure that eventually we'll move on to somewhere a little friendlier to our situation, but we own a house (that we bought juuuuust on the wrong side of the taxpayer credit, so if we move in the next fifteen years, we owe the government 7K on it), have a good setup jobwise, and my family is here, so... for the time being, anyhow, we stay.


Lisedea, what we've done until this point is to make sure that you've got things lined up as best you can anyhow. Nick has power of attorney (both medical and general) for me and our daughter, and I have it for him. My will is very explicit that should something happen to me, I want our child to be with him (and, thankfully, she's almost old enough that a court would take her wishes into consideration, as well). We've very intentionally made sure that all of our accounts are joint accounts so that if something happens to one of us, the other one won't lose access. Outside of that, really, we just hope for the best. I don't know that there's a lot else that you can do, unless you're willing and able to relocate. 


Krista, I'm glad that Cabo was nice! And a triathalon--holy crap! Very impressive. I hope that things cool off at work soon--sounds stressful.



post #176 of 277

Ad Astra: Thank you so much! DP & I have been seeing double strollers and twins all over the place as well LOL! I can see the bewildered look on her face as they go byROTFLMAO.gif


Dandylez: Sorry to hear about your BFN & then af.gif showing up hug2.gifYour BFP is coming for sure!


Library: LOL!!! I can't make any promises that I will be making that happen anytime soon, or ever for that matter! But someone else is more than welcome to take the reins for that LOL! And btw Alice is so beautiful!!


Desert: "From your lips" we are just hoping there is at least 1 in there getting cozy. hug2.gif for your BFN


Sara: No I don't think we can have Lessie Quints by Surprise because then DP & I may become a "Kate" and who wants to watch the Lesbian version of that LOL!


Cortina: I am currently Blogging & Vlogging about our entire process and I really like it because it provides an outlet and I get so much support from the Youtube community! Yes you can borrow my mother, but I am not liable for anything she says or does LOL! But no in all seriousness it has taken leaps & bounds for my mom to get to where she is, and a baby would be just a unifying thing for our family because all of up are kind of empty with the passing of my daughter, so she has been on me for 4 years to start trying again. As far as flying I sure hope it isn't a problem because I flew out 2 days after I insemmed & when I was pregnant with DP I flew in early pregnancy, I hadn't heard that before, but that is interesting. 


Em& Jo: Wooohoooo for a BFP!! biggrinbounce.gif


MrsPP: LOL!! Thank you for rooting me on! I hear you on the time freeze, I swear I check FF twice a day in hopes that my DPO has changed LOL! 


Meghan: Yes I am pretty sure that more than 1 released, so now I am just hoping that at least 1 spermie & egg met and fertilized! As far as the Birth Certificate I have to agree with Papa, if something were to happen to you or DP you need to have legally binding paperwork in place like an adoption because a birth certificate is essentially a piece of paper, and also with the fine lines of different guidelines for the members of the trans community you would want to make sure that you have paperwork that won't allow a court to strip away parental rights from your partner.


Cannany: I am so sorry again that you and DP are having such a hard time hug2.gif


Yeledov: As far as the CoQ10 I started out taking 100mg and when I bumped it up to 200 I began to get terrible headaches so I went back to 100, but my Naturopath & Acupuncturist recommended it as well.


Krista: I am hoping that after your surgery you will be getting that Sticky BFP & Bean!!


Pappa: That is exactly why DP & I left Florida for good ole Washington after the passing of Amendement 2 we knew it was time to get out of dodge, I am so happy that we have the rights we have in Washington!


AFM: Well I am 5DPO and trying very hard to not analyze everything going on in my body, for example I currently have this metallic taste in my mouth and of course my mind automatically thinks oooh could this be related to TTC. But you & both know that it is way too early for anything eyesroll.gif Other than that I am wrapping up my conference in NYC and for the rest of the weekend I will be relaxing and enjoying the sights and sounds of the city orngbiggrin.gif Hopefully that will keep my mind of TTC, but I do want to get an NYC onesie just in case Sheepish.gif


Many Blessings to All! xxxxxxBABYDUSTxxxxxx to all that need it!! 



post #177 of 277

Hello! Just popping in to say the tank is currently "out for delivery" !!!!!! Holy crap! I am fluctuating between complete excitement and total nervousness. So far not stressed or freaking out....mostly just can't wait to get it up there winky.gif Got to hold a 5 week old sleeping on my chest for an hour and a half this morning - I'm hoping he somehow gave me good luck...orngtongue.gif


ETA - right after I hit send on this I checked my email and there was a notification from UPS saying it had been delivered!!!!! Here we goooooo.....!

Edited by MrsPP - 9/16/11 at 2:24pm
post #178 of 277

Yeledov- sounds like really good timing! Glad you KD is commited despite the distance.  Ours traveled about an hours each way to see us and we tried to make it a dinner/social event (with the "donation" at the end of the evening) so it didn't seem like an entire afternoon in the car for him.


Krista- good luck on Sunday? Are you doing the swim in a wet suit? I hear it really helps with the buoyancy (even if you don't need it for cold water).  Glad to hear you had a good trip.  7 weeks is not that far away.... I hope you follow in your friends foot steps and get great news in 9 weeks then.


Raibow: enjoy NYC! Was your DP able to join you on the trip?  Hope the next few days go by fast and you will be announcing your BFP soon! My DP i not fazed at all by a remote possibility of twins (she grew up in a large family) and keeps saying two is fine its not like we would be outnumbered!


Em & Jo: how is it going?


Mrs.PP: how exciting! When do you plan to deploy the swimmers on their mission?


lisdea: did you talk to your clinic?


afm: so far looks like things are ok beta over 4000 last Wednesday.... impatiently waiting for the u/s on Tuesday. 


post #179 of 277
ad astra--I did! They told me that yes, it was just going to be consultation (maybe some blood work or u/s) and no, I couldn't do it over the phone. I guess they have to meet me in person first...and then go from there. A bit frustrating...but I am going to do it anyway. I will just make sure to get a lot of shopping and coffee shops in while I am off island! I will also be about 5dpo by then (they told me it would be fine if I insemmed).

MrsPP--Hooray! When is your insem?

SwtRainbow--7dpo! smile.gif When are you testing?

Thinking about calling the bank today to schedule a shipment! The time difference is 3 hours though so they still don't open for another hour....la da da....
post #180 of 277

Meghan -- Florida is one of the other states that explicitly bans second-parent adoption, so I hear ya. My in-laws also don't know my trans status for the same reasons you've listed, but I am operating on the assumption that they will one day come to find out because I do plan to disclose to my child. My in-laws are however aware that we're using a sperm donor, but they understand the reason to be that we're doing so because of a history of a genetic disorder in my family. My brother had duchenne muscular dystrophy, which is a terminal disorder, and it is likely that I am a carrier. They don't quite understand that the disorder my brother had is carried by female-born individuals, but it truthfully is one of the reasons why my wife plans to carry and why we're using her egg rather than mine. Like your partner, I feel that the trans part of my medical history is largely irrelevant and I am generally pretty private about it. It's complicated and difficult, but I know what it is to have your family turn your back on you and wouldn't want to bring that upon my wife. I would prefer that my in-laws know the full story now rather than later, but I have let my wife be the one to make the call, as she knows her folks best, and I am fine with her decision.


Oh, to be queer. Such a delight, but also so much heartache when it comes to claiming your rightful stake in family-of-origin love that is granted to the hets by default.


In any case, it sounds like getting your partner's name on the BC will meet your needs well. Good luck to both of you!joy.gif


1 week down in our 2ww! Can't wait to test next Friday!



New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Queer Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Queer Parenting › Queer Conceptions~September 2011