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Queer Conceptions~September 2011 - Page 4

post #61 of 277

Thank you so much for all your kind words and positive vibes!!! I would like to say that I’m cautiously optimistic but the truth is I’m scared.  Unfortunately I know all too well that carrying a pregnancy (even to term) doesn’t mean I get to carry a baby home.  The new life we are trying to create represents a new hope for us, but we have long lost the naïve joy of pregnancy.  My repeat beta is tomorrow (AF was also due that day) as well as a follow up appointment with the RE.   Btw for those in the TWW - I'm not having any symptoms that are significantly different from the end of a BFN-TWW!

 

Raibow- the follicles continue to grow everyday and the trigger causes final growth maturation and release.  I bet you will have several over 18 (the size that according to my RE can be released with a trigger) in a couple of days. As to the timing  my office schedules IUIs 36 hours after the trigger, but listen to your RE depending on the dose of the trigger they might recommend shorter/longer time. We used fresh KD so went with 24 and 48 hours after the trigger to cover O.  Fx for you.

post #62 of 277
Ad astra, I can't post veggies from here, but I would call a positive a positive. I can understand why you wouldn't feel optimistic after your past loss. I hope you can experience the joy of this pregnancy and bring your baby home.

Nos, I ran a few recipes through babelfish. They said "semoule" was what the recipe called for. In English semolina and farina are different, but they are very similar. The cream of wheat is more white and the semolia is more yellow. It has more protein so makes a different bread or noodle, but a similar cereal. I will still try to get you a box in the mail, but I love a mystery. You might also try calling an Indian store and ask if anyone there speaks English. Halava is an Indian desert made with farina. Not to be confused with Greek halva or the sesame halva. Good luck.
post #63 of 277

Sara: Thank you so much for the reassurance! From our lips to the Universe's ears! I hoping that cold is a GREAT sign! How many DPO are you?

 

Ad astra: I was just looking through our paperwork and it looks like the RE's office recommends 36hrs after the trigger. I am really hoping that the follicles are growing since I am not really feeling a whole lot. Dangit I wish my body was transparent sometimes so I could just look and see what is going on lol! I understand your feelings about being scared, we are so excited about getting those 2 lines, but I think I am more terrified of those 2 lines than the 1. How did the beta go? *fingers crossed* for your sticky bean!!

 

Afm: Ugh I swear as soon as I figure out a solution to 1 issue on the TTC journey another 1 pops up. So as you all know we have 1 ICI vial that we can use since our donors remaining vials are all in quarantine still. Now that our spermies are safely being stored at the RE's office they also offered us a count once they thaw, and for $255 they can prepared the ICI for it to be IUI. DP says no because it is too expensive, but my thought process is that we have gone through all of this preparation and does an ICI match up with everything we are doing (supplements, clomid, trigger)? If we go with the IUI it means we have to do the insemination at the RE office instead of our Naturopath's office which means a more sterile/un-home like place. But in the back of my mind I just keep thinking, but what if an IUI at the RE's means a BFP? *sigh* Why does this have to be so dang difficult greensad.gif

post #64 of 277

Ad Astra!  Congratulations!  While you may never regain the boundless joy that comes with a first positive pregnancy test, my wish for you and your partner is that you can find some semblance of happiness and security with each passing day.  

 

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Also, I believe you asked about our TWW Countdown Conversations regarding boys vs. girls.  Honestly, we feel strongly about not raising our kids within gender roles and stereotypes, mostly I separated that Conversation into two days because I was milking the question so I wouldn't have to come up with another one, lol.  But, as far as things to teach our kids, we believe it's important to teach them kindness and the ability to empathize with others, as well as being respectful and having great manners.  

 

Brite, what the others have said about your follicles sounds good to me!  I hope they grow and mature wonderfully for you!  Good luck. 


Yeledov, sorry to hear of your BFN.  Sometimes things just suck!  Grrr. 

 

Afu, today is 5 DPO.  We're happy as clams to be coasting along and glad to not be at the point of experiencing symptoms or expecting to experience symptoms.  We have the day off together today and decided to splurge on ourselves by signing the kids up for daycare today.  It's our first day together, alone, without any major plans or being in another state!  We're pretty excited to put a ton of new photos up in our hallway, go security door shopping, and hit up Borders, which is having a going out of business sale.  

 

TWW Countdown Conversations: 

4 DPO: How do you feel about the number of children we want?  Would you consider more?  Want fewer? 

5 DPO:  What do you hope our first major vacation as a family will be?  

 

Happy Labor Day, all!

post #65 of 277

10DPO and a BFN greensad.gif Will test again tomorrow but I won't be surprised if it is negative as well. I'm happy my temps have been high and stable though and it looks like my LP will be 10 days at least. I think I'm going to call and make an appointment at one of the fertility clinics and go for a bit more testing - more extensive bloodwork and maybe an u/s. My GP is awesome but she just doesn't have the knowledge to test everything. I don't think I have any huge issues but it can't hurt to rule out anything. I don't know that I'd go for clomid if offered.....I'm afraid of multiples as they already run in my family.

 

Fingers crossed for everyone getting ready to test!!

post #66 of 277

Hi everyone --- We're going to try back to back insems this cycle for the first time. We're using HCG and u/s monitoring. What's the best timing for the insems? All of my wife's so far have been between 24 and 30 hours post HCG. I'm thinking the sperm has been dead by the time she's actually ovulated. I'm getting mixed messages from everything I'm reading.

post #67 of 277

Hi all. I've been lurking for a few months and finally decided to post. I'm 36, single and ttc at home with frozen sperm. Due to a bunch of different life circumstances I had to delay the first few attempts and hopefully will be ready for ICI #1 at the end of September. Wondering if there are any single queers out there who are also ttc.


Edited by aubin10 - 9/6/11 at 3:30am
post #68 of 277
I wanted to stop in and say I'm sorry for all the BFNs--especially 5G and Gelly. Sending lots of love and hugs your way!

Ad Astra--I will send you a cautious veggie parade: banana.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gif in the hopes that their buddies will have reason to come out tomorrow!
post #69 of 277

Ad Astra, I've got my fingers crossed for doubling numbers for you--tentative congratulations!

Gelly, I think that I missed you last time--I'm so sorry to hear about the BFN.

Cananny, let us know what happens with the new apartment! Even if you don't get to insem this month, moving to a bigger, more family-friendly home is still definitely a step in the right direction. (Or so I told myself when we bought a three bedroom house.) And it sounds to me like you gave Jaden a wonderful gift in difficult circumstances--kudos to you for that. (And you're right--it really does make it harder. I feel like the whole world is rubbing it in, sometimes.)

KS, that sounds like the camping trip from hell. Doing nothing sounds like a really solid plan.

 

AFU, we inseminated Thursday evening, very late Friday night (technically around 2 a.m. Saturday morning) and then Saturday evening. My temps haven't spike quite like they usually do post-ovulation (usually they jump up about .6 degrees almost immediately) but they've gone up by .3, and my cervix--which was nearly unreachable Friday and Saturday--has dropped down quite low, so I think our timing was all right. I don't have great feelings about this cycle, to be honest, and am gearing up for a BFN and having to discuss--again--if we can continue to do this. (I found this board after years of trying, so it's not quite as one-shot as it appears.) After a semi-stressful day with family yesterday, we spent today in bed, all day. Our daughter came and got in bed with us, and we all watched cartoons and napped and played on our laptops. Nerd family. It was great.

 

Gelly, could you please move me to 2WW? Thanks!

post #70 of 277

meghan, wishing you a speedy and successful 2ww smile.gif

 

 

Afm: 11DPO and another negative. A negative after a m/c always makes me feel like "oh no! the m/c cycle was my ONLY chance and now it's gone!" Ugh. Going to call RE's office today and see when I can get in.

post #71 of 277

welcome aubin!

 

Carmen: sorry about your bfn

 

Its 10dpi and I'm going nuts here. I the shot was 11 days ago, so it should be out of my system and knowing that I really want to test! I dunno if I can hold out till friday. Thankfully there are no tests in the house. I have NO idea when AF is due, because of the late o. Oy, I just wanna know already! 

post #72 of 277

Carmen: Just doing a shout out to say I know how you feel! I worry that after we get back to trying, that will be it. BFNs for us forever and the only two pregnancies I'll ever have are the miscarriages. But it will happen for you. Many women report getting pregnant within 4-6 months after the miscarriage and I think you will too. Hang in there.

 

Krista

post #73 of 277

ad astra - That's great news!  My first beta was only 27 or 29 when I was pregnant (and to be clear, my miscarriage was a freak thing at 12 weeks, not due to anything wrong with the baby - it was a strong pregnancy).  Congrats!

 

gelly - Sorry about the BFN.  I saw you asking someone about egg quality - my doctor gave me HGH this last cycle to help improve my egg quality.  The quality did improve greatly but he's more convinced it's the lack of the cyst that had been there the rest of the time.  He did have a theory before I got pregnant that the cyst was interfering with my egg quality but then I got pregnant. After I had the emergency surgery and they removed the cyst (and ovary), he put me on the human-growth hormone for my next cycle.  With two ovaries + one cyst, I managed to produce only 5 embryos (and only 2 of them were reasonably decent - one of which I got pregnant with).  With ONE ovary and no cyst (and HGH), I was able to get SIX embryos, all good quality.  The HGH was a shot I did during stimulation.  (btw, you can keep me in working on IVF I guess.  We're trying again this month - so probably in about 3 weeks or so, as AF hasn't arrived yet.)

 

kgulbransen - Again, you always know what to say to help me feel better.  Thank you.  I try so hard to be optimistic but, as you know, when you're approaching a dozen cycles trying to get pregnant, it's really hard to think it's every going to f*cking happen.  The ONLY thing that makes me believe is that I did get pregnant, and truthfully, the doctor is pretty sure that what was preventing me the first 7 times was that cyst on my ovary.  I really should just consider those cycles a wash because I wasn't realistically going to get pregnant.  So since then, we did the one IVF w the cycle that worked, and then after the m/c, we did a frozen one that he knew wouldn't work (because the embryos were poor)... and then one fresh IVF and one FET.  By no means do those negatives mean I'll never get a positive, but I'M SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED.  

 

AFM - I had a terrible day yesterday.  The 29th was the due date, we found out on the 1st I wasn't pregnant, and DP and I finally had the conversation we'd been avoiding where she told me if we don't get pregnant with our next cycle (with the last 2 embryos that we have), we have to take a break to the tune of 1 year.  A YEAR.  So I pretty much cried for, I dunno, 3 hours?  My eyes are puffy and crusty today - pretty sexy, huh?  On top of this, I turn 33 on Friday, and I've never looked LESS FORWARD to a birthday in my life.  It's just one more year for my eggs to age and one more year that I'm not a mother yet.  I prided myself on not being angry when we miscarried.  Well, the anger has arrived.  I'm PISSED.  

post #74 of 277

ad astra- It's Tuesday any news..how's those beta numbers?  fingersx.gif

 

sara-fingersx.gif dust.gif

post #75 of 277

fivegrand: wait a second. still no af?! whats that mean?! *big big big hugs to you* I'm so sorry you're having such a rough couple of days. I don't know what else to say. You and your dp are in my thoughts! 

 

mami: cute belly! thanks for the good luck. There is now a test tempting me in the house. I will not test till friday. I will not test till friday!

post #76 of 277

Thank you again for all your support here in QC as well as seraf and mami2mami coming over from QP to check on me.  Well my 2nd beta came back at 269!  So more than doubled.  Now can somebody just press the FF button and get us to May when we take a screaming baby home with us please? We are trying to take it one day at a time. ”Today I’m pregnant and happier than I have been in months.  I rejoice in what I have.” has become my daily affirmation.  It’s not easy to live in the moment as so much about pregnancy is about what comes after… I guess they don’t call it “expecting” for nothing!    FX for a heartbeat.gif in two weeks. I’ll come back for personals after walking the puppy!   

post #77 of 277

ad astra - That's incredible!  Take it one day at a time and enjoy every minute.  You know your docs will be all over you after what happened last time, so just trust that they know what they're doing, they'll be on the lookout for anything weird, and if anything, they'll get that screaming kid out of you just a couple weeks before you're ready for her/him!!  What a great mother's day gift.  love.gif

 

smilingsara - thanks for the kind words.  We're doing IVF and I stopped the prog and estrogen on Thursday so it takes several days for AF to start.  Just waiting for her.  No sneaky surprises for me, unfortunately.

post #78 of 277
Thread Starter 

5G~ yeah...it took AF almost 4 days to show after I stopped the progesterone. Now she is here FULL FORCE...af.gif. Good luck with IVF later this month. I totally get the being Pissed off part.

 

Krista~ All my Re's office said is that they were sorry that it didn't work and that my sugar was up a bit so they wanted me to see my primary care Dr...to get it checked. They told me that I could do a FET in October, and to call with the start of my period. I haven't heard anything from them...I called today to let them know about AF. I'm going to try to start Royall Jelly and CorQ10...hopefully they help the egg quality. I also am going to join ww to loose a few lbs.

 

AFM~ I am also angry...I have never been pregnant...and at this point I don't believe that I ever will be. DW is 53 and I am 39...we have been trying for two years...this was our 13th try. DW is disappointed and she doesn't want to be a 'grandmother' raising her child, she doesn't want the baby to be ashamed of having a parent who is old. I have told her that the kid won't care...they will just love her, but that is a huge fear for her. I am trying to talk her into giving us a bit more time...until my 40th birthday...July 2012, but she is really tired of all the negatives, dead ends, and disappointments.

 

Have a diagnosis of unexplained infertility doesn't help either. I feel so betrayed by my body, why won't it do what is so natural for millions/billions of women around the world? The Re and his nurses are really nice, but they don't answer a lot of my questions...they just want me to trust them. Well, I don't and I am not sure if I have any other choice, but to stay with them. I have to do some research to find out if I can switch Re's. If not I'm not sure what we will do? As of right now I think that I want to wait till December...try to increase my egg quality, and loose a few lbs and just work on strengthening us.

 

Gelly

 

 

post #79 of 277
Quote:
Originally Posted by ad astra View Post

Thank you again for all your support here in QC as well as seraf and mami2mami coming over from QP to check on me.  Well my 2nd beta came back at 269!  So more than doubled.  Now can somebody just press the FF button and get us to May when we take a screaming baby home with us please? We are trying to take it one day at a time. ”Today I’m pregnant and happier than I have been in months.  I rejoice in what I have.” has become my daily affirmation.  It’s not easy to live in the moment as so much about pregnancy is about what comes after… I guess they don’t call it “expecting” for nothing!    FX for a heartbeat.gif in two weeks. I’ll come back for personals after walking the puppy!   

I am so thrilled to hear about your awesome beta. I think it's great that you have a positive mantra/affirmation. It's always good to remind ourselves of what we DO have, and right now, what you have is a teensy baby in your belly. :) I can see why it might be hard to really settle into the pregnancy when you've experienced such a loss. Hang in there!
 

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by gellybeangrl View Post

AFM~ I am also angry...I have never been pregnant...and at this point I don't believe that I ever will be. DW is 53 and I am 39...we have been trying for two years...this was our 13th try. DW is disappointed and she doesn't want to be a 'grandmother' raising her child, she doesn't want the baby to be ashamed of having a parent who is old. I have told her that the kid won't care...they will just love her, but that is a huge fear for her. I am trying to talk her into giving us a bit more time...until my 40th birthday...July 2012, but she is really tired of all the negatives, dead ends, and disappointments.

 


FWIW, I had loads of clients who had babies in their forties when I was a doula in the San Francisco Bay Area. It can be done. Additionally, the future surro-baby's parents are both in their fifties, and I daresay they are NOT going to be like grandparents. And... kids always get embarrassed abut something, so its unavoidable. ;) The most important thing is how you parent your kids. It's not whether or not they will feel uncomfortable about things so much as how they learn to handle those things and their overall confidence in general, you know? People worry about kids getting embarrassed about all kinds of things- having two moms, circumcision status, weird names... In the end I think parental age is not a biggie and I think you'll handle everything well. I hope your DW's stress about age is not adding to your stress about performance. :/

 

Okay, AFM- So, I've had a few visits with a therapist, just to be on the safe side and make sure I'm handling everything well with the weaning/new hormones/etc. related to the surrogacy... And had the totally brilliant (and by brilliant I mean totally obvious) aha moment about the fact that being a surrogate carries a lot of pressure to live up to the parents' hopes and expectations as well as to just making sure we lay out our relationship well... And there are not exactly a lot of models to go on as far as the surrogate/parents relationship. I really wish I knew someone else in real life who has been through a surrogacy. Today I freaked out because my intended mom (I hate that term but it's really the only term used to identify a mother expecting a child through surrogacy) sent me an email and asked me if we could all talk on the phone at my earliest convenience. I felt like I was in trouble. My brain kept playing all these weird tricks on me like... maybe they dug up some dirt on me and realized they made a horrible mistake to choose me as a surrogate? (Such dirt, by the way, does not exist so I truly was becoming delirious.) I constantly worry that I will say or do the wrong thing and offend them is some mortifying sort of way. These people are putting so much trust in me and I just want to do my part of the job well. Oi, and I'm not even pregnant yet!

 

post #80 of 277

Hey everyone... I promise I will do personals when I am feeling better tomorrow....

 

So we had our CD15 u/s re-check on the follicles, and apparently my singing to them and all the well wishes were too much for my ovaries because I am now on the verge of hyperstimulation. guilty.gif This was never mentioned at our appointment on Saturday and so the more I think about the more angry I am getting.

Here our our numbers from Saturday (the # on the end is the total mm of each follicle): 

L1 16.26 9.27 12.76 mm 
L2 13.37 11.09 12.23 mm 
L3 12.61 10.77 11.69 mm 
         

 

  1 2 Mean  
R1 11.65 10.11 10.88 mm 
R2 11.79 12.92 12.36 mm 
         
 

 

And here are our numbers from today:

 

L1 20.01 15.83 17.92 mm 
L2 11.40 11.23 11.32 mm 
L3 17.49 15.13 16.31 mm 
L4 19.07 11.10 15.08 mm 
L5 16.59 14.50 15.54 mm

 

 

R1 17.28 14.01 15.64 mm 
R2 18.31 13.90 16.1 mm 

 

 

And if you are wondering, no your eyes aren't playing tricks on you, there is another magical follicle that has appeared, which has brought our follicle count to 6 and has scared the living crap out of our RE. So the trigger completely went out of the window, and she gave us 2 options 1) Cancel the cycle (or bag the cycle as she said) 2) Come back in on Thursday to check and see if 1 or 2 follicles decide to ovulate on their own. If they continue to grow we have to cancel the cycle or end up with a John & Kate Plus 8 Lesbian Version dizzy.gif We are okay with twins, but we are not okay with 6 kids at one time. 

 

I am so mad at my body, I feel like it is hellbent against me, and I know that is just my pity party talking, but after the miscarriages and the death of my daughter I feel like a I deserve an effing break! We decided that we are going to go with Option 2 and see what my body does (hopefully it selectively reduces some of those smaller follicles). So now we play the waiting game and hope that my greedy polycystic ovaries O on their own with just 1 or 2 follicles. banghead.gif

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