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Fall IVF Thread: Let's hear it for the BFPs! - Page 20

post #381 of 965

Tear - I'm doing fine w/ this cycle so far.  Not much going on so far b/c I'm on Lurpon and just waiting for AF to show up probably on Fri, Sat or Sun this week and then I'll have my baseline and get the ball rolling.  So just waiting around like normal.


Tenzi - I was on Estrace and Crione (which is a progesterone vaginal gel) and I didn't have any major side effects at all with them.  Hopefully you won't have any either.  It was funny b/c when i talked to my RE after that cycle and he said did you have any symptoms from the Estrace taken vaginally.... I said "No, and i was actually taking it by mouth".  I guess sometime you might get more symptoms taking it by mouth, so they will tell people to take it vaginally maybe.  Who knows.  I can't imagine using the progest. vaginally and the estrace vaginally.  That would be a lot going on "down there" at one time.  How sweet of you to check in on Abby....  I think Abby is doing better actually.  Hard to believe it has only been like 4 days, but she isn't asking to go out as much, so that is good.  We have been keeping her busy though with lots of walks and playing ball, so that might help too b/c she has been super tired which is nice b/c then she isn't into everything as much as usual.  Abby and I won't be going to "the aunt's place" until I have to have my 2nd U/S.  So i'll have my 1st (baseline) one here in OH and then we will figure out when i need my 2nd one and then i'll probably drive the ~5hrs to MI the day before that 2nd u/s & bw.  Hoping Abby will do okay in the car that long.  She is a really good traveler and i just leash her in the back of my car so she doesn't jump over the back seat and she just sleeps or looks out the windows at all the cars which she seems to love.  He longest car ride so far was 2hrs, so we will see how this goes.  I was even thinking of getting her one of those doggie seat belts so she could be in the front with me, but buckled in.  Not sure how those things work and i'm always against buying something that she is just going to out grow, but she might be at the right age/size now.  We will see. I just figured if she gets restless in the back after so many hrs of driving i could stop at a rest stop let her potty and then bring her up front with me and seat belt her in.


Belly - how the heck are you doing girl???  Haven't seen your name in awhile too?  What is going on with your FET cycle right now???  Fill us in.



AFM - I swear that Lupron makes me crave sweets!!!!  The last couple of days I have been wanting something sweet to drink.  Normally I only drink water, but we have some pop in the fridge for others that come and the last two days i have had a sprite. Mmmmm... tasted so good.  Anyone else get cravings while on suppression?  Not much else going on here.  Just waiting for AF to show up like i said above... probably Fri, Sat or Sun.  I'm suppose to have my annual pap on Monday that i wasn't able to reschedule, so I just left it and will just cancel that morning if AF shows up this weekend.

post #382 of 965

Blue, we had a seatbelt for our one dog--the rescue dog from Mexico-- because he needed to be restrained when we first had him and started traveling with him.  He absolutely had no car legs-- everytime we turned or hit the brakes even gently, he was toppling over.  And that made him tense all the time.  The seat belt worked great.  I don't know how it works now exactly, because we haven't needed to use it for a long time (he did develop car legs over time), and it was my DH who put it in the car-- we have a sport utility and so the dogs rode in the back with the seats folded down, and what I do know is that the seat belt was such that it kept him to one side while our other dog had the other side.  He could sit up and lay down, but couldn't move otherwise.  Yeah, our other dog-- the Golden Retriever-- is so mellow, I actually went down a slow-moving (not too deep) river with her on an air mattress one summer, and she loved it.  Of course, she and I did that before we got the other dog-- it was before my DH, too.  Boy, that was a fun summer-- the two of us traveling around the West Coast.  Road trips can be such great times with your pet-- you and Abby can plan to have a couple of stops, pack a picnic or grab some take-out, take a few pics along the way... Thanks for the reassuarance about the meds, btw -- that's encouraging to know that some people don't get side effects.  I'm still trying to figure out if I do-- the estrace is by mouth, and sometimes I think that I'm a little nauseous, but it could be beacuse of my pre-natal, too.  The prometrium is like these little pearl-like balls, and those are taken vaginally.  That's a little messy. 

post #383 of 965

hi ladies,


feeling really down today.  i'm finding myself getting depressed in the evenings and i'm not sure how to get over it.  yesterday my mom triggered me... she started asking all these questions about what the drs said, etc.  of course i haven't even spoken to the drs yet and i have no answers.  today it was facebook, a high school friend announced she's pregnant with her third child.  three!  and i can't even have one! 


all i can think about is how a year ago i figured this would be a breeze.  yes my dh had sperm issues but at least i was fine and we'd find a way to get pregnant.  now we both seem to have issues and i feel so helpless.  and hopeless.  ww is helping because at least i feel in control again, i've lost 10 lbs in one week, but i think most of that was hormone/af weight.  my dh is sad that i cry every night, but i don't know how to get out of this funk.  


i'll be back for personals later, sorry, just had to vent. :(








post #384 of 965
Thread Starter 

Aura, I just wanted to give you a big hug and say I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know it has to be difficult...getting the BFNs over and over again is just the most depressing thing and really has widespread affects on your life. just try to take as best care of yourself as possible. i hope that your dh is also taking good care of you and that you two are really helping each other through this difficult time. it's so important to have the support.


I am trying to stay away from facebook because I think it's really depressing during this time. I can't take any more announcements or photos of newborn babies when i can't seem to get pregnant. Maybe you should take a break too?


However, yah for losing so much weight! It doesn't matter what weight it is...a pound is a pound!! i'm so happy for you and i'm hoping that the empowerment from losing the weight translates into other areas of your life, like your fertility!!!


As for your REs, I can't believe they still haven't called you. This really is unconscionable to me...after all the time, effort and heartache that went into this, the least they can do is give you a call to discuss and hopefully, to give you a plan of action. It's just ridiculous that they haven't. Have you tried calling them to demand some time?


post #385 of 965
blue, I hope you either get your free baby, or AF decides to cooperate this weekend. You know I'm always thinking of you! blowkiss.gif

Tenzin, my RE didn't really know why it wasn't working for us, so we took all those things as a precautionary protocol. The only thing out of the range of normal was my FSH, and my RE thought maybe I was starting to just need more stimulation to ovulate mature eggs. It's weird to still not really know why we needed help, but I've come to peace with it and hope that it won't be an issue when we try to have another child.

As for being on here, I find it really generous that you ladies open your hearts to me and let me stick around. I have several ladies on here that I shared my journey with and who I just have to stalk and root for, and in the process I've gotten attached to all the rest of you, too. This is just such a hard journey, and you ladies all deserve to get your babies!

You mention that I must have gone through a lot. I've put a lot of thought into that. Yes, we went through a lot of waiting, procedures, and loss, but we were also really lucky and got our DD on our first IVF. When we were going through the struggle, the hardest thing for us was not knowing what would happen, and if we could ever get pregnant at all with a healthy baby. Now that we've had our DD, it feels like it automatically disqualifies us from saying we had it hard somehow...even though it WAS hard. The thing is, that tormentuous "not knowing" is gone, and looking back 2 1/2 years of TTC isn't THAT long in our life. I don't know if this is coming across clear. What I'm trying to say is that 2 1/2 years was an ETERNITY when we didn't know, but now that we do know it's changed the whole picture. What I'm trying to say is that infertility is a journey that is so hurtful because, when you're in it, for however long, you live with uncertainty and perpetual grief. It's a grief that is hard to come to terms with because it becomes fresh and raw with every failed cycle. This grief and uncertainty that I KNOW is a part of infertility make me then feel like an imposter hanging around here, and makes me worry that my presence may cause someone pain because, not matter how hard it was for us, we did get to move on. It makes me so grateful that you ladies let me continue to be a part of the community. I think AlexisMom said that infertility changes a person, and I certainly feel like a part of me will always be in this forum. I hope you ALL get to hold your babies in your arms soon, and put this chapter of your lives behind you. grouphug.gif
post #386 of 965

Aura and Tear- both of your posts leave me sitting here crying, my heart breaks for everyone going through this and I want so bad for all of you to get your dream. 

post #387 of 965

aura - (hugs) I can so relate.  Back when we first found out that we were having troubles getting pregnant, that was about 2001 and had been 2 years since we started, I felt so defeated.  I would spends days in bed and cried until there were no more tears and then I would just stare at the wall.  Every procedure we had would give us hope and then a huge let down.  We started our first round of clomid in 2003 and we could only do it for 3 cycles at a time.  Each month was torture.  Meanwhile, my SIL had 1 ovary and got pregnant without trying.  Friends around me were all announcing pregnancies left and right.  It got to the point where I didn't want to see or talk to anybody.  We used clomid off and on for quite some time.


We took about a year off and then in 2009 finally got in to see a really good RE.  He discovered that DH had a problem too and no amount of clomid was going to help us.  I WAS PISSED that my old doctor never checked my husband.  We lost years!  Back to depression I went.  Nothing could make me happy and I was basically just going through the motions of living.  When DH's surgery failed to help, it killed us a little more inside.  Every time we had a silver lining, it was ripped out from under us.


Even now, I feel like this isn't actually happening and it will get taken away like the last baby.  It's a terrible feeling.  I'm telling you all this so you know that you are not alone and we know how much this hurts.  I wish I could make this work for you, but I can't.  All I can do is listen and hopefully you can feel our virtual hugs.  It would probably be a good idea to stay away from facebook for a while or at least block those who are pregnant and have new babies.  Perhaps volunteering at a shelter or library or find something to fill the time when you feel the saddest.  While it's ok to feel sad, deep depression is not a joke and I wish that I would have found something to make me feel better during my darkest times.  It's just something to think about... 


Please vent to us any time you need to!

post #388 of 965

Aura - We all know how you feel, and it's okay to share your feelings. I know the roller coaster ride that we've all been on every month as we get AF and we get a little more pessimistic and cynical about the world around us. When we have bitter feelings towards someone who is pregnant or has children, then we feel guilt for feeling bitter and jealous. Being invited to a friend's baby shower and not wanting to go or to hold the baby. Having to work with pregnant people and watching them grow bigger every day and talk about feeling the baby moving, etc. It all builds up inside of us and sometimes we have to cry and rage and vent and get it out or we might just explode.


Kewpie - I understand that you can't really believe it is really happening and that you may fear that if you let yourself start believing, it will be taken away from you. That's a familiar feeling. It's so hard to keep hoping after so much disappointment. I find myself being very pessimistic sometimes, like when AF is a bit late I think "why waste money on a pregnancy test when it's just going to be negative anyway?"


Does anyone else feel like you've become a "glass half empty" kind of person (in general, in all aspects of your life) because of your infertility?


Tear - I get what you're saying and sometimes I feel the same way. What right have I to weap and moan when I have a child already? The journey is no less painful the second time around, unfortunately. I actually feel worse now than I did before. Looking back, I was pretty naive the first time around and we were very lucky to have it so easy the first time. I also felt like I had lots of time then, and my husband and I wanted the same things at that time as well. It wasn't until after DD was born that he changed his mind and declared that he was done with it. Now time ticks by louder and louder and I'll be "celebrating" my 38th birthday in a week. Blah. I guess I wouldn't feel as desperate if I was younger and had a supportive husband to help me cope.


AFM - I have been crying and depressed all week and now I've finally got the phone call today - my HCG is 1.6. No more baby. I thought this would be my darkest day but I feel more at peace now that I've vented all my emotions. I've let out all the depair and anger towards fate and my husband (last night I really hated him) and I went back to a list I made a few years ago of 25 things I'm thankful for and reread it. Now I actually feel pretty lucky to have what I have (though the feeling never lasts very long). Although my journey with infertility started 7 years ago, I'm really lucky to have a beautiful child as a result. Sometimes I find myself focusing inwards too much and the more miopic my world gets, the more depressed and angry I feel. This forum helps me to see there are others out there with similar problems and feelings and I'm not alone.  Thanks everyone for sharing your stories and feelings.


Live one day at a time and keep your head up. Carpe diem, and all that.

post #389 of 965

aura, tear, kewpie and purple-- I really don't know what to say here, other than I am deeply touched by your honest expression of emotions and the sharing of your personal stories with IF.  Many strong thoughts and emotions have flooded me as I read each of your words, and I have an outpouring of tears.  Many things resonate with me with so much.


purple, I don't know if I would say I am 'glass half-empty' kind of person at this time in my life, but I certainly was for many years, as I struggled with anxiety and depression on and off from about the age of 10.  In my twenties, when I first began struggling with IF in my first marriage, I didn't get as down about it then because I was going through a lot in that relationship (it wasn't always the most healthy of one).  So if I had a failed cycle, I would pacify myself by telling myself that it was for the best anyway, and then I would think about leaving the relationship because of all the issues, and then back to a honeymoon/ttc'ing stage we would be... it continued like this for a long while and then eventually I found the strength to leave.  When I met my DH four years ago and discovered what a healthy, happy relationship was like (and by saying that, I'm not implying that we don't have our arguments and our annoyances and all that sometime-- we do), I just thought that I wouldn't have children, because I was 38 at the time we met and I had this IF cloud (Unexplained) hanging over me for so long.  It's been a roller coaster, where one day I would feel hopeful and then next day I would be in despair, but I don't know if I ever felt half-empty most of the time in the past 4 years... However, having said that, anxiety is another issue.  I have to be careful with that in all areas of my life, and with IF, unfortunately, it likes to rear it's ugly head.  When I was pregnant with my DS, two months after the bfp my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, and my mom slipped into a depression... and I struggled with reconciling the fact that I was carrying new life while it was looking like my dad may lose his-- dealing with beginnings and endings all at once.  It somehow felt like I didn't deserve to have things going 'too well' for me in life, and that's why those things were happening.  Then, I stressed that all my stress would affect the baby, and I ended up seeking some therapeutic help to get me through it all, and then into the post-natal months for a bit, too.  (My dad ended up doing well with treatments and they can't find any signs of the cancer since finishing it in July of 2009-- yay!)  Anyway, I share all that because those experiences have colored my thoughts and feelings going into this pregnancy, and though I'm not feeling 'half-empty-like' I am thinking, 'Okay, what is going to come my way this time around'.  Even if I didn't have those specific experiences forming part of my lens, IF certainly does... it's taken away any innocence I might have had otherwise.  I don't take anything good that happens for granted.  In fact, this 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' is actually not a good way to be, so I'm working on being cautiously optimistic.  And because of IF, I have been filled me with thoughts and feelings that I have a hard time admitting to myself, when it comes to things like others' pregnancy announcements, etc.  Jealousy, envy, hurt, grief, anger... But, I know that is so normal to go through that... and I have to work on forgiving myself in a lot of ways for different things.  The one thing I definitely have taken solace in has been sharing my experiences with others who could walk in my shoes--those who know what IF feels and looks like. 


grouphug.gifI just want for each of us to have what we are hoping and dreaming for, so badly, that it hurts.

post #390 of 965

It is amazing to read all your stories. Thank you all for being so open.

Originally Posted by blueyezz4 View Post

Treehugger - I'm sure this thread will be around when you need it.  I hope for our sake that we aren't here but you never know unfortunately!!  I'm not familiar with your DH's condition? Can you explain a bit?  Good luck to you and congrats on your upcoming wedding (whenever it is).


Thanks :) It seems like a very active and supportive community. My fiance has congenital bilateral absence of the vas deferens (CBAVD). Quote "It results from improper development of the vas deferens and causes infertility. The vas deferens is a tube through which sperm travel from the testi to the ejaculatory duct. A man born with CBAVD typically produces sufficient quantities of sperm. But, the sperm never reach their intended destination because there is no transport system." Does that make sense? I have been doing a lot of research, and I think that ICSI/IVF is the best option. That being said, it is very overwhelming and scary. I'm also worried about my own fertility, but I don't have the finances (yet) to explore further.

post #391 of 965
Thread Starter 

Hi Ladies, 

You guys are amazing...I think what keeps me optimistic is having you all to talk to and seeing just how strong you all are. No matter where we are in this journey, there is such support and it's truly heartwarming...if only there was more support like this in the world- maybe the world would be a better, more accepting place. 


Tear, please don't ever feel like an imposter or like you don't belong here. I love having you here and drawing from your strength and optimism. Having you, MomtoAlexis and Kewpie here gives us all hope that one day, we will be the ones that will be pregnant or holding our babies in our arms. Also, i think that anyone that had to turn to IVF has had a difficult time dealing with infertility...even though the process itself isn't as difficult anymore, the concerns about time, money, potential impact on future health, etc, make this time a really stressful time. The fact that you had to deal with it for 2.5 years should never be minimized but i love that you now focus more on the outcome and what you've gained!


Kewpie, your suggestion about finding something else to keep your mind a little distant (because we know it will never be completely off!) from fertility is a great idea and so necessary. Whenever i get extra down about being infertile, I just make myself think about all the other wonderful things I have in life. My DH. My family, job, photography...The list goes on and I realize that I am lucky. And for all of us that continue to try to get pregnant, the one thing is that i have a fundamental belief ingrained in me that our dreams WILL come true...they may take a different route than we expected (i.e. using other people's eggs/sperm, adoption, etc) but one day, we all will hold and love our babies. And all of this will be worth it. 


Treehugger, welcome and we're so happy to have you join us, even though you're not ready to ttc. I agree with Blue that this thread will still be around when you need it and i feel like a lot of us will still check in even if we're no longer needing the fertility support. Being on this thread has helped me so much that i know that once i get pregnant or somehow, am gifted with my baby, I will want to share any of my knowledge and experiences to help anyone else with this difficult journey. Sorry about what your DH and you are going through...are you guys preparing yourselves mentally and financially for IVF? If you have any questions, please let us know...One thing I want to say is that before i began IVF, I also thought that it was overwhelming and scary. After going through one cycle and on the cusp of doing my FET, i have to say that it really isn't too bad...the shots are not fun, the process is stressful and at times exhausting and being bloated is a constant state of being but generally, I expected a lot worse. So I hope this relieves your mind a little. Also, hopefully, in a few years, when you're ready to try, significant advances in infertility will have been made, making your journey even easier. I hope that happens for you.


Aura, how are you feeling today? i hope that you feel better and more optimistic. I just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking of you and sending you so many positive vibes that I'm surprised you don't feel them physically ;o)


PurplePiggie, hug2.gif I'm so sorry. I know it was expected but it's just so sad when it finally is said and done and you have lost the baby. I'm glad you vented your feelings throughout the week...keeping all that sadness inside wouldn't be healthy. And it's ok to feel angry and bitter, I think, as long as it doesn't take over your life. I often feel negative and for those times I look on Facebook and see a new announcements, I quickly just close the page. i just can't deal with it. I'm happy for them but just sad for DH and me. It's even sadder when you experience loss, like you are. So I hope you feel like it's natural to vent and rail and cry and let out all your emotion. And we're here to take it and listen and empathize and give you strength. Infertility, whether it's while ttcing #1,2,4, or #6 is never easy...I think we all have an feeling about how many babies we want and to not have the ability to have a baby when we really want it, makes us feel powerless. At least that's how I feel a lot of the times. And considering I've always felt empowered in most aspects of my life, this new feeling of powerlessness is truly disheartening.


Tenzins, how are you doing? How are you feeling? I'm going to have to take both esterase and endometrin vaginally starting Sunday so I definitely know what you are going through! Personally, I have taken endometrin and it makes me feel pregnant and bloated. But it's definitely NOT as bad as taking progesterone orally...that turned me into a madwoman! i prefer the suppositories so much more...fewer psychiatric issues! i took estrace orally last cycle and i really didn't feel much at all. This time, i'm taking it vaginally and besides blue CM (and a lot of it!) and really tender breasts, I've felt ok. Bloated too, but that's my constant companion these days. Hope you're doing well!!


Blue, yah for a road trip and yah that Abby is doing better! haha I bet it'll be fun to have Abby there with you during the car ride anyway...i wouldn't imagine that driving 5 hours alone would be fun either. Did you get AF yet? When are you going to your aunts? is it supposed to be sometime late this month? And I think all the drugs make me crave sweets. haha i have been awful about eating sweets these days. I think it's because i had some swiss chocolates and also, I have been buying halloween chocolates. At work, i also teach a class (my company has some of us teaching classes that help educate our coworkers about our business) and i usually bring candy to keep the people awake. haha

 I'm trying to stop eating as much chocolate though because i know there is caffeine in chocolate. how much do you ladies limit your chocolate intake? Darn me for being a chocoholic!


AFM, i got my results back from my US and bloodwork and everything is a go. Lining is at 11mm (although in the office, the doctor said it was around 13mm so i don't know which it is! my nurse told me 11mm so I'm going to just stick with that number). Apparently, I'm rather responsive to estrace vaginally! I'm going to be starting endometrin suppositories on Sunday. Does anyone know if it's ok to put them in at the same time? Belly, what did you do? i wanted to at least put in both at the same time in the morning and then stagger according to the time since estrace is twice a day and endometrin is three times a day. Ah, the wonders of panty liners. They really are my best friend now. Anyway, i find out on Wednesday what time my transfer will be happening on frIday. Thursday, DH and i will be making the 5 hour trip to MD and staying over until Saturday. Can't wait to come home!!


I had trouble sleeping last night so I ended up coming home from work last night and sleeping from 8:30 on to 4am this morning. I feel better but i may take a nap later today :o)


Sorry for the novel! big hugs to everyone. I'm sending positive vibes to everyone!!!




post #392 of 965

Renavoo, don't apologize for the novel-- I love it when you write like that!  And of course, your sentiments are as meaningful as always.  Wow, I can't believe your time is so very soon for the FET...  It seems like it wasn't that long ago that you were having to just start the BCP-- although for you, perhaps the time hasn't gone by as fast, ha ha.  How does the FET process work, as in when do they thaw the embies and then when do you go in?


Treehugger, not sure what part of Canada you are in, but I know that at my clinic they have a fund available to couples who couldn't ordinarily afford IVF-- if you are under a certain amount of yearly income, you can then get a referral from your RE for it.  I'm not sure about the selection process, and how many people would apply for it in a given year.  But it might be something to look into.  Also, I agree with you in that it might be wise to investigate your side of the fertility equation, too.  I know that you said finances were an issue, but I'm thinking that because of our health care system wouldn't the fertility work-up be covered by your provincial health insurance (I don't know if there is any variation between our provinces, when it comes to that, one would think it would the same when it comes to RE consult and follow-up, b/w, u/s for diagnostic purposes, etc).  However, I realize you might not be living in a place where there is a clinc so you would have to incur travel costs.  (I know that at my clinic, lots of people come from SK).  But yah, there might be some information gained from that work-up that would factor into your decision about when you might set your sights on doing an IVF cycle.


AFM, I received beta results from the clinic yesterday-- 926.  Not quite doubled from the previous test, which was 524, but it wasn't right at the 48 hour mark either.  They are happy with those results.  Of course, my first thought was one of concern because when I read about 'doubling', I'm expecting it to be 1048, perhaps just few notches off either side of that... Ah, I hate the way my mind works sometimes!  I was able to have a really good conversation with the nurse-- interestingly, she was the same great nurse who we were so grateful to have had doing our Clomid/IUI #2 2 years ago (the one in which we conceived DS) because she was so compassionate and friendly-- so I lucked out that she was the one to have phoned.  Anyway, she advised me exactly when to stop taking the estrace and prometrium, told me to stop taking the aspririn, and--get this-- booked me for an u/s just after the 7 week mark.  Wow, I don't know if something changed (all the docs and nurses meet each day to discuss their IVF patients' treatment progress and next step) or if there was an oversight at the beginning when I was sent on my merrily way to my own doc for care... but I'm happy that they are looking after me for a little bit!  I will feel more reassured if all goes well with the u/s on Oct. 28th, although I'm sure I'm going to be a basket case the morning of.  Actually, who am I kidding, I'm already there!  I'm so anxious whenever I go to the bathroom, I've become #1 Toilet Paper Detective.  And the prometrium doesn't help matters, it's a gooey situation down there.  (Renavoo, I take 2 of the 'pearly ball things' each time, and it's 3 times a day.)  When it's a lot, I feel that sensation, and right away, I'm trying to find the nearest bathroom or else I just whip my pants down whereever I am at in our home (this freaks my DH out, to no end, until I say, Oh it's okay it's just the goo).  Other than my precarious mental state (not sure if I'm joking that much when I say that...agh!) I just have bloating and I'm tired.  But then, I've been tired since I started the suppression, so I'm not feeling any different, really.  I'm glad the meds seem to be agreeing with me.


post #393 of 965

Wow, there is a lot going on here lately!!!!  I really should be out in the yard doing yard work, but MDC is distracting me... so it might be a short one we will see.


Tenzi - glad to hear your numbers are going up even if it wasn't the perfect doubling.  I know it really can make a difference if you go at a different time than the time before so we will hope that is the case.  When do you go back for another one?  I'm so glad that you got to talk to that nurse that you like and she was able to get you an appt of an u/s - Thank God!  Lets hope things change and they are more on top of your case now.  Do you ever wonder if your clinic reads your posts on here and maybe that is why you got better service... LOL I doubt it but it is a thought.


Renavoo - Holy Lining Woman!!!!!  Wow!!! That is awesome!  Is that normal for you to have such a good lining like that?  Were you on estrace for your lining with your last fresh ivf? You are so funny... you haven't even left yet and you are already saying you can't wait to come home!!!  Too cute!!!  Are you going to drive home right after the transfer this time?  Nope, no AF yet.  We will see.  My RE's nurse said that normally you get AF like 10-12 days (i think it was) after you start Lupron so it should be either this weekend or mon/tues.  I kinda hope for Tues b/c I'm suppose to have my annual pap that has been put off since Aug b/c of our last IVF and my RE not wanting me to have it right after my last ET so now it is on Monday and I'm wondering if AF will end up messing up those plans and who knows when it will get done.  I figure if we get pregnant then she will do a pap then anyways so we will see.  I won't go to stay with "the aunt" until i have to have my 2nd U/S and blood work.  I'll schedule my baseline here and then go from there.  I don't eat a ton of chocolate, but do like it especially like something sweet after i eat dinner.  I do like Chai Tea every now and then, so once the whole process starts really moving I'll probably lay off of that.  :o(


Purple Piggie - Sending you lots of hug2.gif.  I'm glad you have your one child to be thankful for and to kinda be a distraction from TTC right now, not that anything is a good distraction from TTC w/ IF.  What is your next plan?  Are you going to be doing another cycle?  I know it is kinda early for that question, but i know for me i always want to move ahead which makes the negative things from the past seem less potent.  Keep us posted.


Aura - Sending you hug2.gif's too.  You have been through a lot and your feelings are totally normal and good to share and not keep inside.  Does your clinic happen to offer any kinda of counselor by chance?  I know when i was going through a hard time after we lost our twin boys i went to a counselor and it really helped. I hated going but would feel better after I left.  Always a thought.


Treehugger - thanks for the explanation.  Who knows, maybe but the time you are ready to start ttc they will have even better technologies to get you pregnant.  I know there have been some people on here whose DH's had cancer or they had another reason to surgically go in and get the sperm and then use ICSI to fertilize the egg.  Could there be a chance that yours or your future DH's insurance may change and then you might end up w/ IF coverage?  You'd think that with a diagnosis like that your insurance should cover it.  Good luck to you!


Kewpie - You need to update your profile pic here soon right??  How was the f/u appt with the Dr on Thurs??  Did you get off of bedrest or still on it?  Love seeing your ticker move.


Tear - hug.gif You will always be one of my IVF sisters!!!  I can't believe we started off together so long ago (well not really that long ago b/c time seems to fly).  I love having your input on this thread bc you have such great knowledge and you understand what we are all going through first hand.  Thanks for sharing!!!!  How is your sister doing by the way?  Anytime I see your name I think about her and how awesome your relationship is!!!


Momtoalexis - hug.gif to you too.  Another IVF sister.  Even though IF sucks I love that I have met so great women on here and you are for sure one of them!!!!


AFM - Well, my short post has gotten long.  The yard work is calling my name still.   It's a beautiful day here and I'm loving this weather, just wish it would stay like this for another couple of months.  Anyways, as I read all of your post above I was trying to think about how i try to stay positive and not let IF get to me over all these years.  Not sure if I came to a full conclusion or not, but I think that when IF or all the negative stuff that has gone on in our life starts to creep in and overwhellm me I think about all the other people out there that have it worse off than we do.  I just try to always remind myself that I have a wonderful DH, a loving family, a roof over my head, friends, and no major health issues (all my limbs are attached and all).  The other thing is that I wouldn't wish IF on my worst enemy, so even though it always burns a little when someone else gets pregnant I remind myself that every life is a miracle even if it isn't mine.  So that is my 2 cents.  Off to the yard now.  Bolt.gif







post #394 of 965

Hi everyone


Tenzin congratulations! Betas start to slow down as they go up so I would not worry.


Aura, I'm so sorry I hope you get to meet with your RE and get some answers.


Purple tons of hugs going your way I'm so sorry for your loss.


Rena awesome lining when is your transfer again?


Blue I'm rooting for you when do you start stims?


Tear I have a lot of the same feelings. I know when I was still going through treatment I loved to hear your updates so i don't think you are an intruder at all. I still feel more comfortable posting here than anywhere else. All that you went through just doesn't disappear because you have a  DD. I sometimes wonder If I will ever be pregnant again, if this was a one time lucky shot, then I remember that I'm pregnant with two amazing babies, I don't need to worry about the future right now. Anyways I think  our feelings are valid. I do hope that someday I'll be able to heal from our IF road but it doesn't have to right now.


This is something I read in another forum a while back that I thought it was very true. "Infertility is like sitting in a big pile of sh** , when you look around you notice that there are other people with their own big piles of sh**, sometimes you notice that some people have more sh** than others but it doesn't matter it's all sh**"



Now AFM, we are back form our trip and had a great time, our babies are 20 weeks already, this pregnancy is flying, on the one hand I'm trying to enjoy every second of it and on the other I cannot wait to meet our babies. We have an u/s this week so I'm excited to see them again.





post #395 of 965

Blue, I hope you got all your yard work done!



Keria, thanks!  It's great to hear that you and the twins are doing well.  Did you go on a little holiday?  Maybe you posted that before, and I missed it?  I imagine you are in one of the threads that is for mulitples-- is there a graduate thread, for women who have undergone IF treatments?

post #396 of 965

blue - Yeah, I really need to update my pic.  That one is 6 weeks old and I'm pretty much huge now.  I came out to the kitchen the other day to grab my shirt from the dryer and DH saw me and saw my naked belly and said, "holy cow you're pregnant."  Mhmm.. I couldn't have guessed... lol  I'm getting stopped a lot when I'm out and getting asked if I'm due this month.  Nope, still have over 3 months left.  The looks on people's faces are pretty fun.  I feel just like Keria in that I'm seriously enjoying this, but I'm getting anxious to meet them.  


My perinatologist appt went really well.  I gained some length on my cervix.  I'm back up to 32mm, so the bed rest is working.  He said we'll keep up the partial bed rest till the end and check every couple weeks to see if we need to bump it up to full.  I'm totally cool with that cause I can still get a little done around the house each day, but I don't feel bad if I let things slide.  My only problem is finding things to keep my mind occupied after being on bed rest the first 14 weeks from the SCH.  I'm ending up sleeping a lot, which isn't bad, but then I'm up all night. lol



post #397 of 965

Tear - I forgot to mention that we unfortunately won't get a free baby (like you had mentioned above) this month b/c they told us to prevent, so DH has been using "rain-suits" all month.  Bummer b/c a "free" baby would be nice, but at this point in our over 5 yrs TTC it would totally be a huge miracle if it had happened and I'd probably do a back flip and hurt myself.  LOL


Keria -thanks for rooting for me.  So glad to hear your trip went well and all else is good.


Tenzi - nope, we didn't do any yard work. DH came home and talked me into a nap on the couch and then we took the little girlie to the Dog park and then our nieces ( 8 and 7 yrs old) are spending the night with us tonight so it was a big wii party here at our house tonight and now they are both in bed.  DH promised me we will work on the yard tomorrow.  We will see.  I want to get it done before I have to leave b/c i don't want to have to do it when i get back after our ET b/c it is a lot of work dead heading all the perennials and everything for winter.


Kewpie - good to hear that all is going well and that you aren't on any more bedrest than before.  Keep up the good work and take care of yourself and those two babes!!!!

post #398 of 965

Wow, this must be a record for weekend postings here!


Thanks everyone for your hugs and thoughts. They mean a lot to me! I had to work today and felt like I was a zombie. They sent me home early because I was dizzy and lightheaded all day. Could that be a side effect of stopping the progesterone? More likely just from being depressed and not sleeping. I am feeling better now after some jelly beans and chocolate cake :)


Tenzins - your beta numbers look great to me! I read about them obsessively all week long and now feel somewhat like an expert. Apparently the numbers will slow down in their increase as you get farther along in the pregnancy, and you may only see doubling every 3 days. Over 1000, they say you should be able to see things on the ultrasound so since you are nearly there, you are doing well. After about 8 weeks, they start to decrease again. I remember having an ultrasound done at about 6 weeks and seeing a little bean-sized embryo with a beating heart. It blew me away. After that, I was referred to an OB but they won't even see you until you are at least 12 to 13 weeks along so you feel kind of lost in the meantime. If you have any worries/problems your fertility clinic should still help you out or you may have to go to your GP. In my area there is also an early pregnancy clinic (that I didn't even know about the first time) that probably helps women in that no man's land between GP and OB.I'm glad you are able to keep optimistic after everything you've been through. I am also glad to hear your father is doing well!


Treehugger - Welcome! I am certain your provincial health care will cover the costs of diagnostics to determine if you have any fertility problems. Ours covered all of our costs up to the point of diagnosing the problem, then after that it was all pay as you go. Don't forget you can now claim your costs on your income tax up to a certain amount. Where I am, it is up to 66% of your costs with a combination of provincial and federal tax credits. If you have a fertility clinic in your area, they probably have some info on all of that, and can tell you what is covered and what is not. I think you are being very proactive to plan ahead and get all the answers you need beforehand. Then you will not feel so overwhelmed at the time you decide to start TTC.


Renavoo - Great lining! Good luck on Friday! Would you please put me back into the Waiting list? Thank you!


Keria - I laughed at your sh** quote - that was good! Glad you and the babies are doing well. You're half way there!


Kewpie - Hooray for not being stuck in bed all the time! I don't know how you stood it for so long - I'd be going seriously batty. Glad everything is going well!


Blue - Glad your pup is feeling better! I guess that most people help themselves out of a funk of pessimism and depression by thinking of their blessings. Maybe I should print up my "25 Things I am Thankful For" list and post it on a wall somewhere. I think it would be a good project to try to add one new thing every day. I know somewhere on that list I have already listed chocolate!!


AFM - DD and I are headed out west to visit family for 5 days, starting Monday. DH will join us next weekend and we will head for the hills (mountains) for a little family time. I think it will really do us some good to reconnect as a family, and maybe I can then broach the subject of trying again. Right now the thing that is killing me is the uncertainty of whether I'll get another chance. If DH declares that this is THE END I don't know if I can bear it, or if our marriage can handle that. That has me more upset right now than the final BFN yesterday.


As of Monday I'll be offline for a couple of weeks, so I wish you all well in your journeys and look forward to reconnecting when I return!




post #399 of 965

I have a trial embryo transfer and my doppler scheduled for tomorrow at 3. Things are sure moving quickly!

post #400 of 965

Kewpie - is everything ok? I have been worried about you.

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