Having a hard time interacting with DD

[newmamalizzy]

DD is 17 months old, and I've always found her somewhat of a less...not sure how to put this...engaging(?) baby than others.  She's very loving with me, but it's hard to get her to the point where she seems particularly happy or excited or enthusiastic.  An example is the swing.  She asks to go on swings a lot, but when I put her on a swing she never smiles.  She's content in the swing for a long time, but she doesn't get excited or smile.  I try making big "Whee!!!!" noises and stuff, but it doesn't really get a response.  I find that in situations with other people, she's sweet to adults, but has a hard time interacting with other children, even though she really REALLY wants to.  In our day-to-day interactions, I often just feel like I'm talking to myself, or that she's bored, despite my attempts to engage her.  Can anyone offer any suggestions for improving my interactions with DD?

[Kuba'sMama]

Hi,

Some kids are more introverted and some are more extroverted. I personally never had belly-laughing, exuberant toddlers that squealed on the swings. They were happy looking around and were pretty reserved most of the time. It worked for me because I'm more that way too. How I liked to interact with my kids was to talk to them about anything and everything during the day "oh, see that bird?" "garbage truck" "let's go do some laundry". I didn't expect a huge reaction, just some sort of acknowledgment that they heard me and understood what I said.

I enjoyed sitting and looking at board books, but instead of reading the story as it is written (kids that age still find that boring usually) I would point out pictures that are familiar "oh there's a bug", "baby is going to sleep", etc. Sitting down and watching them play usually lends clues as to how they like to play- some kids like to quietly sort through a bin of toys, some prefer musical toys, some like running around outside, etc. Going for walks and doing seemingly mundane tasks like grocery shopping is fascinating for toddlers. They are like little sponges now, just taking everything in. Keep talking about what's happening and even though she might not seem to be listening, I'm sure she's taking something out of what you are telling her, or just the fact that her mommy loves her and is talking to her is enough!

A playgroup might be fun at this age but is not necessary. A busy playground with lots of kids to observe will provide all the stimulation she needs. At this age, social play is just emerging and will continue to do so for quite a while. Watching children play with interest but not quite sure how to join is right on target for her age.

[SilverFish]

i think a lot of parents find that it can be difficult to adjust to the personalities of their children, when they are different from their own! i know i do too. my dd is a more reserved, quiet, observant kind of kid. she is very outgoing and goofy at home around mom and dad, so i DO get the big belly laughs that you're looking for, but in groups or social situations, nope, nothing! she is, as we liked to joke, "that kid in the corner licking the floor," (back when she was about 11-12 months and in a playgroup of mostly mobile, very outgoing kids)... she's usually the one off to the side, finding a private activity, and watching the goings on with interest, but not much engagement. it is actually frustrating for me, as stupid as that sounds, because i'm a big social butterfly, love talking to people, and i want her to enjoy our social get together's as much as i do. 

as a teacher, i also struggle with those quiet, reserved kids... i find that kind of personality hard to read, never know if i'm connecting or making an impact at all. but they are really good for me, as is my own kid, because they encourage me to slow down, pay attention to nuances, think a little longer before i speak, and just generally try to take the back seat a little more. 

so anyway, it's a work in process for me, but i'd encourage you to do the same... say less and watch more, try to really listen to how she's responding to things, and start working on accepting the fact that your kid's personality may pose challenges for you in the future. like the PP said, you don't need to go overboard making life exciting... if swings aren't eliciting giant squeals of delight, then rollercoasters aren't going to either! 

[newmamalizzy]

Thanks, both of you, for these thoughtful replies.  It's funny, I think I'm having problems because I AM the introverted, onlooking type.  I struggle in my interactions with others and always have, and I'm a bit afraid that I won't be able to teach her the "right" social skills. A lot of the time during the day, I kind of wish I didn't have to be interacting with anyone at all.  We go to playgroups, and somehow all the other moms have made friends, but I still feel like an acquaintance.  And Bea is DEFINITELY the kid that finds her own activity while watching the other children from a distance.  Except babies.  She LOVES babies :)   I will definitely take the advice to be observant of Bea, listen and watch and try to read her cues.  I do find that chores and errands seem to really catch her interest, and she does love books, so those are good slow-down activities for us.  I just want to feel sure that she's content, you know?

[Kuba'sMama]

She sounds content to me :) A lot of emphasis is placed these days on social development and making friends, and while that is important for sure, at this age it's not so significant and for sure not necessary for their contentment. I was concerned about my oldest making friends too since I was shy myself all my life. He did just fine :) Give them the opportunities to socialize, but let them find their own way to do it. Shy kids make friends too! They might not be the life of the party, but most have no problem finding a group of friends with similar interests.