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Do I need to be worried about child protective services? - Page 2

post #21 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

I think that because your 4 year old has special needs, a cause for concern could be if you now need to add higher locks to your doors or do something different with your gate.

 

For some SN kids, their gross motor abilities far exceed there understanding, and some are prone to wondering, which isn't safe for them. If you child can now unlock the front door and walk out without your knowledge, installing deadbolts or chain locks at the top of the doors may be prudent.

 

I think the primary question is how did this happen and what are you and your DH going to do differently to keep it from happening. "Watching them better" really isn't realistic IMHO because every parent has to pee.


I totally agree with this. What we did (and still do) is have little alarms on each door. You can get them at the dollar store sometimes and they don't permanently install (just sticky back) so they don't damage the doors. We put them as high up on the door as I can reach on my tip-toes (so there's no way kiddo can get it). When the door opens up, a loud alarm sounds so we know immediately if he's escaping. I would strongly consider getting some of these and then when/if CPS shows up you can show them that you're being pro-active and finding solutions so that this situation doesn't happen again.

 

post #22 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by grniys View Post

Thanks everyone.

 

I'm still debating letting them in vs talking with them on the porch, one minute I think, "Oh, yeah, I'll let them in" then a bit later I'm like, "Talking with them on the porch should be fine in case I have a corrupt social worker who will twist closet clutter or tools in the garage around to being kid hazards" So I guess we'll just see. I'm hoping I get called back rather than have them just show up at my door. I'm hoping I will since the note said to call and I left a voicemail. We'll see I guess.

 

As for a possible lecture about keeping doors locked, I will be more than happy to nod and completely agree with a lecture. The door was actually locked but it was only a door knob lock. We've since installed a top latch lock the boys can't (easily, without a chair) unlock.



*Let. them. in.*  Again, as a social worker, if a parent refuses to let a worker in, 99% of us will suspect that the reason is that the parent has some big issue they are trying to hide.  They will get in one way or another, most likely later the same day with a police officer.  Very few workers are corrupt.  Any co-worker I have ever had an issue with was lazy and did not remove children from seriously terrible situations, not the other way around.  I would give it less than a 1% chance you'll end up with a worker interested in yanking your kids from your home for no reason or fabricating something.  The odds are in your favor if you let them in.  As for locking doors...Show the worker what you have done and what you had in the past so they know you are just as concerned as they are about your kids getting out.  You will be fine, mama. 

 

post #23 of 32
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

I think that because your 4 year old has special needs, a cause for concern could be if you now need to add higher locks to your doors or do something different with your gate.

 

For some SN kids, their gross motor abilities far exceed there understanding, and some are prone to wondering, which isn't safe for them. If you child can now unlock the front door and walk out without your knowledge, installing deadbolts or chain locks at the top of the doors may be prudent.

 

I think the primary question is how did this happen and what are you and your DH going to do differently to keep it from happening. "Watching them better" really isn't realistic IMHO because every parent has to pee.


(Bolding mine)

 

Already done. The day after it happened we installed a top lock on the front door.

post #24 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by grniys View Post




(Bolding mine)

 

Already done. The day after it happened we installed a top lock on the front door.


I'd let the CPS person in the house and show them.

 

No one cares if your closet is dirty. Heck, the CPS worker most likely has cluttered closets. Give her the information she needs to know that your child is safe and that you immediately took steps so incident won't repeat. Then she can fill in her paper work and be done with it.

 

She's just doing her job. thumb.gif

 

post #25 of 32
Thread Starter 
Ok, so the social worker called me back today. She didn't seem evil on the phone, so I think that's a good sign, lol. Anyway, she said that they had been called by someone with a couple concerns about my children and mainly about supervision and such. The way she said it, it doesn't sound like the police were the ones who reported me. If that's the case I assume it's a neighbor and I have it narrowed between two who don't like me. Ugh, that's a whole other can of worms. And not really relevant I suppose.

Anyway, we set up a time later this week for her to stop by and see the children and my home (she was super flexible about my oldest sons very packed schedule, so that's good). Anyway, not freaking out as much anymore. My house is super clean and I still have two more days to get it white glove inspection clean.

I liked the suggestion about the door alarm so I did buy one, but when I went to install it I realized I couldn't use it because of the specialty moulding around my door frame, so I'm looking at other door alarms now.

I'll keep you guys updated, but thanks for all the advice, warnings and suggestions and help calming down.
post #26 of 32

Do your neighbors know that you child has special needs and is receiving services?

 

I hope you have a nice visit with the CPS worker. One of my friends just went to work for CPS and we had lunch last week. Based on what she said, she'll be looking forward to a nice simple, straight forward visit.

post #27 of 32


Ugh - never mind. I hope I got it before anyone read it, because it's not worth opening this can of worms.

 

OP: I hope everythign works out well, and that your approach prevents further "breakouts".

post #28 of 32

OP I also work for CPS and I'm really glad that so far you are having a not-negative experience with it!  I ditto that you really don't probably need to worry about much re: how clean your house is - CPS does NOT want to take kids from a stable, decent home.  It doesn't have to pass a white glove test, it just has to not be unsanitary or dangerous in any way.  Food in the fridge - you don't have to have anything special beyond what you usually have.  In this case CPS is mostly responding to supervision concerns, not inadequate food or shelter, so I doubt much time will be spent talking about your kitchen.

 

You have already done what I was going to suggest, putting better locks on and maybe the alarm.  Show the CPS worker what you've changed and tell her you did it the next day.

 

As for everyone saying "Oh my gosh why did this get reported???", from my read of OPs post, it was NOT just a simple "naked kid in the yard" situation.  OP it was clearly an accident and you and your DH responded as quickly as you could, but to everyone else shocked that someone called the police, the kids were gone long enough that a cop had time to get the call and get over to her house.  We don't know if the kids were in the street vs. on the curb/in a yard, etc, but if they were in the street itself that's a legitimate concern, no matter how much we all can relate to the sequence of events.   

 

I am NOT saying that OP or her DH did anything wrong or beyond what could easily happen to most parents on any given day.  I'm just saying that if I saw a naked 2 yr old in the street, or a 2 yr old and 4 yr old in the street, I would be concerned.  I don't know where the neighbor saw the kids, but again they were gone long enough to call police and for police to get on scene, and a lot could have happened in that time.  Sure, if it was me and I knew where the family lived (and if I was able to take my kids or leave them safely) I would walk the kids home and check in with the parents.  But as is clearly evidenced over and over on this board (not this thread, but this board), a lot of people are not comfortable talking to the parents in these situations and choose to at least call police/CPS over doing nothing at all.  And frankly, given the horrific things that happen to kids every day, I'd rather they call if they have concerns instead of seeing something that concerns them but not doing anything at all about it.

 

Again, in this case I'd prefer just talking directly to OP and bringing the kids home.  But it sounds like the neighbor (fairly or unfairly) has concerns and did what they thought was right, and the cop and CPS are doing what they're supposed to do in these situations and following up.

 

OP, I think you're going to be absolutely fine.  When you show what you've done with the locks to prevent further "escapes", and you talk about all the programming/services you have in place for your SN child, I can't imaging CPS having further issues, unless there's other big concerns that haven't arisen in this discussion.  But the main things we (CPS) care about when we visit is seeing that the child(ren) are fine, the parents take seriously whatever happened that led to the report, and are trying (or have already) addressed any concerns. 

post #29 of 32

LOL

 

gotta get that book, 'No David' by David Shannon

post #30 of 32
Thread Starter 
Ok, so, I can breath again. She came by today and it went great. She asked a series of questions about the boys (we went in the backyard for most of it so the boys could play) and what services my oldest is getting, but as soon as She heard my dh is military she didn't seem too concerned about me needing extra services and such so there was no push for me to take services. There was no home inspection, I just explained our gates have locks on them for the back yard and side of the house and showed her the new door lock and she was happy.

The way she worded things made me think it was my next door neighbor who called, and that really upsets me because I know her pretty well. Of course, I also know she's a busy body and a gossip and would call the HOA on her own mother if her grass was a centimeter too long. And if she did call I guarantee it's more out of concern about our neighborhood image and property values or something rather than my children not being cared for. But, I don't know for sure so I'll just be more on my guard around her from now on, but still polite. I really don't want a neighbor feud. But, that's neither here nor there.

I'm just relieved this is all behind me. The social worker said she won't need to come back out and she seemed very nice and not at all super intrusive or anything. I'm glad I got a good social worker and not an evil one.

Anyway, thanks everyone. I appreciate All the support and advice I was given. It means a lot and was a tremendous help. Thanks. joy.gif
post #31 of 32

Very VERY glad it worked out this way!  But I'm not suprised... I'm not suprised, because this is how it should have turned out and most of the time it either does turn out as it should, or CPS under-responds as opposed to over-responding.  In fact you got an average social worker, not an especially nice one.  Most of them act the way this one did.  We just hear about the few awful exceptions more than we hear about the good ones.

 

Either way, odds were way in your favor that you and your family would be fine and I'm so so glad you are!

post #32 of 32

I'm glad to hear you have some relief! Take a deep breath, enjoy your kids, and make that neighbor a nice plate of laxative brownies. She needs them. Really, I can't believe anyone who knows where a stray kid belongs would call the cops rather than just return the kid home. It was the first time, not the tenth, that it happened. Geez.

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