Helping my 3.5 yo articulate his anger/frustration

[madsommer]

I just had a baby 4 weeks ago and I was expecting him to act out, but it is kind of out of control for me sometimes.  As an HSP there is only so much I can handle.  When he gets upset he starts screaming, throwing things, or hitting the sofa.  Instead of putting him in timeout I give him the option to go to his room until he's done. 

He's also continually doing things that he knows he is not supposed to do ie opening doors and getting utensils from the kitchen (he has very large hands and none of the childproofing we've done seems to work) and now I'm really concerned about the danger that his 2 yo sister can get into as well.

I find that by afternoon I'm screaming and I hate screaming.  I'm just really worried that it's going to spiral out of control. 

I hope this is coherent...not getting much sleep these days with the new baby!  I just need some help.

[Thing1Thing2]

Hugs, mama. As an HSP myself, I totally understand. My DS is currently acting out in the same ways, except our baby isn't due till tomorrow.

I made a poster with a schedule on it to help him understand when its baby time and when it's mom and DS time. He knows that each day, he will have some time alone with me. It also helps me to stick to a routine, as we HSP's can get overwhelmed very easily. I also suspect your DS has some HSP tendencies as well? If so, he may be able to understand what is going on.

Have you tried having a talk with him and saying something like "Your baby brother/sister is very little and needs Mommy alot, but in a little while he/she will be big like you, and then Mommy can spend more time with you." I'm also trying to get my LO to understand this before the baby comes, so that he doesn't get the idea that he is losing me forever to this new baby.

It's hard when you are sleep deprived, hope you can get some rest soon. Oh- and don't worry too much about keeping the house clean right now, just take care of yourself and your LO's.

[benkatie]

My three year old also gets very active and into EVERYTHING at times as well as tantrums about doing simple tasks. What I have found is that at times (not always) she just wants to do something by herself her way and if I help her accomplish that task that she wants to do and allow her to do it her way then she is back to smiling and happy. Example: temper tantrum about washing her hands; it ended up that she just wanted to turn the water on and off herself even though she couldn't reach it without help. If I don't figure out what she wanted then she will continue with getting into everything in a sour mood, but if I do then she is willing to listen and play nice.

[madsommer]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova 

Hugs, mama. As an HSP myself, I totally understand. My DS is currently acting out in the same ways, except our baby isn't due till tomorrow.

I made a poster with a schedule on it to help him understand when its baby time and when it's mom and DS time. He knows that each day, he will have some time alone with me. It also helps me to stick to a routine, as we HSP's can get overwhelmed very easily. I also suspect your DS has some HSP tendencies as well? If so, he may be able to understand what is going on.

Have you tried having a talk with him and saying something like "Your baby brother/sister is very little and needs Mommy alot, but in a little while he/she will be big like you, and then Mommy can spend more time with you." I'm also trying to get my LO to understand this before the baby comes, so that he doesn't get the idea that he is losing me forever to this new baby.

It's hard when you are sleep deprived, hope you can get some rest soon. Oh- and don't worry too much about keeping the house clean right now, just take care of yourself and your LO's.

Thank you so much for the idea about posting a schedule.  I hadn't thought of that, but I bet a visual would really help him.  I do keep a pretty consistent routine and schedule "off" days where we stay home and have no visitors so that I can recharge.  I never really thought about him being HSP as he's so loud.  But now that I think about it, he becomes really shy in large groups, and most of the time likes to comfort his younger siblings when they are upset.  I should go do some more reading about parenting an HSP. 

PS  I hope your birth went well!