Bitter Sushi Ladies, September 2011 - Page 2

[Gemmine]

CACountryGirl: Thanks for the welcome! Are you on any supplements or anything?

cbaa: Hi my friend! So glad to be able to keep up with you here.

Smiles: Thank you! I hope if you haven't O'd you can definitely take advantage of this weekend.

Hi monkeyscience. I've been trying to keep up with you once I saw 'Houston', that's where I am!

lilmom: Hi! Thank you for that info. There's a practice with OBs, midwives, and 1 RE; I'm going to see if I can go directly to the RE. I'm just afraid an OB won't take me seriously.

[kittenbritches]

Originally Posted by Smilesarefree 

Kittenbritches - Of course you are welcome here!  Sorry for the circumstances that bring you here but welcome!  I will add you to our front page, I am assuming that "TTC #3 since May 2010" is what you would like your blurb to say?  If not let me know and I will change it.

Would you mind adding my chart to my blurb?  The URL is http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/ecstaticutahmommy 

[Gemmine]

Oh! How could I forget the chart? Thanks kittenbritches.

Here is the link to my chart: www.fertilityfriend.com/home/gemmine84

[TandN]

Just popping in to say Hi to the new members.  Gemmine, nice to "see" you over here, I think it's a good place for you.

DH is out of town this weekend, so I've been hanging out by myself this morning.  Have any of you watched "Maybe Baby", it's a British comedy.  It's very good, and I think speaks to a lot of feelings we've had about trying to get pregnant.  Anyway, I'm going to make my DH watch it because he loves British humor.  It has Emma Thompson in it briefly!  Hugh Laurie and Joely Richardson are the main characters, and they're fantastic.  It was made back in 2000 sorry if some of you are like  been there, done that!  Haha....  I found it on Netflix instant queue.  We don't have cable, so it's my only link to TV entertainment!!  Have a peaceful weekend, ladies.

[kittenbritches]

I haven't seen "Maybe Baby," but I LOOOOOVE Hugh Laurie *and* British comedy.  I'll have to add it to my queue!

I'm sans hubby this morning, too.  DH has a statistics class on Saturdays, but he said he's going to try to swap it to a slot during the week.  He works swings (3:30p-12a) Sun-Thurs, and has school Mon-Sat, so that leaves him with not a single day off and almost no time home with the family.  And it makes BDing SUCH a pain...trying to stay up until 12:30-1:00 so we can DTD sucks.

[Smilesarefree]

Ah, adding charts I have never done that before, can anyone help me out please!  Thanks.

[toothfairy2be]

  this one is for kittenbritches

this one is for gemmine

this one is for me

You should be able to copy and paste each icon individually- I saved the links already - thank you!!! I had forgotten to post mine before too. I hope you are all enjoying the weekend, we splurged on new appliances today with Labor Day Sales- I've saved all this money by not having a baby this past year, might as well use it for something, right! WE are heading to a Bonfire soon too, it is good to have distractions.

[marmo]

Hello again, ladies!  I joined in June? July?  And never ended up participating.  My apologies!! Here's what happened.

In July, I found out my husband had had a couple recent, brief online relationships.  I was shocked and livid and crushed and devastated.  I couldn't bare to come back here to update or participate, as I saw my family and my life crumble and fall to pieces around me.  We are working on things now, but they're very up and down, and it hasn't been easy.  In the meantime, I also found out that after 18 mos of trying (and a chem preg) I was pregnant!  I was a little shocked that it happened in the midst of the pain and chaos that our family was in, but after a day,  I was elated and felt good, and strong, and was just looking forward to every moment of my pregnancy.  The edd was April 19th 2012.  I began seeing my midwife, and was excited and confident about having a vbac.  Then, just a of couple days ago, I began to bleed, and went into my midwife's office. I learned that I was having a miscarriage, and yesterday had a d&c.  I was 7 weeks.  

I'm devastated and heartsick.  We tried (I began to feel like it was just me trying) for so long, and now I don't know that it will ever happen again.  I want SO BADLY to have a baby again, to give my dd a brother or sister.  And at the same time, my marriage is so rocky right now.  And yet, I STILL want to move forward and keep trying!  I am so lost and so sad.  I hate hearing 'things happen for a reason'. I hate hearing 'maybe if you don't try so hard...'  I just want to go into the drs and have them tell me what happened, that they will help me get pg again, and soon, and that nothing's going to happen the next time around.  As for my marriage, we both want to work on it and love one another, and I have faith, though it's been so very hard lately.  I was so happy those few weeks I got to be pg and I want to go back, whether or not that's a 'good idea right now'. And it's early, and I am so very emotional right now, but I feel like it's barely impacted my dh.  He's been helpful, and taken care of me, but he's without emotion. 

I guess I'm asking to join again, and to apologize for not participating after I asked to join.  It's been a rough summer, a rough year, and I need the support.  Thank you.

[Milk8shake]

Originally Posted by lilmom 

I think I am going to try to talk less about it to the bff. It's not really worth it. She has used the "maybe if you stop trying it will just happen" line repeatedly now. Yeah, because with my issues it would definitely just happen, with me ovulating once in a blue moon and all that. She's a nurse, she should know better!

I have friends that are equally dismissive.  For me it seems more like they think I should just give up on having a child, and start looking @ adoption or surrogacy or something.  Literally, when I have told people about a loss, they have said: "so, are you looking in to adoption?"  It's pretty sad when we have to choose our words carefully around people who are supposed to be friends!

I really wish that I had someone IRL too... But then again, I wouldn't trade you ladies for the world!
 

Originally Posted by ISISandOSIRIS 

Basically, I'm asking for advice.  There never seems to be the perfect, right time to get pregnant, right? And for me, having a child is more of a priority than ANY job.  I'd appreciate any words of encouragement.

I guess I have a similar situation.  I'm starting a new job tomorrow.  If I wait three months before falling pregnant, then I would be entitled to company maternity leave pay on top of the statutory allowance, but you have to have 12 months service prior to the EDD to be eligible.  Now, in a lot of ways, the more pay I get, the longer I could stay home with bubs without having to think about money.  But, after a bloody long time (2.5yrs since I got pregnant the first time), the money is way less of a concern to me.  (mind you, this is assuming a real live, take home baby)

If I were in your shoes, I would not wait.  I agree, there is never any perfect time, and who knows what another month might bring!!

I don't want to sound like a hypocrite, but I will be sort of waiting - but that is due to the 6 weeks I have to wait before I can do my bloods, and see the doctors midway through October.  Then I will have to be referred back to maternal fetal medicine, probably another couple of weeks, maybe more tests?.  By that time I'm done with doctor stuff, it'll probably be pretty close to three months.

If it wasn't for all that, we'd be jumping back on the horse!

 

Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy 

THE paperwork did arrive yesterday, so it is in the mail on its way back. I don't know if our information is already in their computer system or if we will need to wait to be added. However, MIL will come here in a couple of days and leave mid month, so in a way I would prefer a call after that, anyway. I am excited... and a bit scared. It has been soooo long since I took care of a little baby. It feels like forever ago, really.

Oh, so exciting.  I'm so pleased for you.  Maybe having MIL there would make it easier for you the first time a bubba comes along?  Just an extra pair of hands, you know?
 

Originally Posted by TandN 

DH is out of town this weekend, so I've been hanging out by myself this morning.  Have any of you watched "Maybe Baby", it's a British comedy.  It's very good, and I think speaks to a lot of feelings we've had about trying to get pregnant. 

I'll have to look it up.  Can't get netflix here in Oz though.  D'oh!
 

Originally Posted by marmo 

I guess I'm asking to join again, and to apologize for not participating after I asked to join.  It's been a rough summer, a rough year, and I need the support.  Thank you.

WHOA.  I don't even know where to begin.  I'm so sorry for your loss, and I don't believe that "things happen for a reason".  Regardless of your marriage situation, you loved your baby. 

I don't have much in the way of advice, but I hope you find what you need here.
 

[monkeyscience]

Oooo... another Houstonian! I'm actually in and out of Houston lately, but I'd be interested to hear about your doctor experiences since I may be in the market for a new one soon.

Smiles, could you copy my chart link from my signature? If not, I will repost it later.

Sorry I'm still sucking at personals. Just got a smart phone today, and it's not totally compatible worth this website.

[lilmom]

Isis- I would not wait. No job is worth it. You don't to look back down the road, and say, what if I had tried during those 3 months and that would have been it? Because now here I am 3 yrs (or whatever amount of time) later, and still no baby. I would not waste ONE precious month tta. That is a luxury for people who have no troubles getting pregnant, or it's a burden for those who medically need to wait for a while after a loss, etc. I had to wait 18 months after we had my DS bc of my very difficult pregnancy/c-section, and looking back I wish I could have gotten started on it sooner. That's my two cents. Your gut says there is no perfect time right? That's because it's true.

LTB- Yes, I do think my friend is bitter. I have known her for nearly 20yrs now, and she has always had two deep-seated dreams. Being a nurse, and being a mom. Now she's a nurse, but she's unhappy in her marriage, because she married a man who doesn't share her religious beliefs (She is Catholic), and he refuses to have a baby with her. At first she was angry, then she told me, she would rather go without children than divorce. I personally believe she could have an annullment, because he was dishonest and got married in the church even though he knew at the time he did not believe and that he was not going to ever go back to being a true Catholic or have children in the church. But now she claims she doesn't even want children. I think it is her way of dealing with it. I feel extremely sad for her. I remember when we were so young, and we would talk about living close to each other someday and having our kids play together all the time like cousins... Now I think she will never get to experience it, even though I am sure down deep she still wants it. Anyway, it is probably inconsiderate of ME to discuss it with her, however, this is someone who I have told everything to, for almost 20 yrs, and it's just hard to shut that off. But now I am going to. It's painful for me, and probably her too. Perhaps it would be even more painful for her though if I did have a bunch of kids like we planned. I think she is jealous though that I married a man who wants a houseful, and she married one who doesn't want any. It's just a tough situation. ....About you though..I'm so glad your papers came and now you will have a precious one in your arms soon!!!

Marmo- Welcome back again. I am so sorry for your loss!!!! I am not sure what to say about your marriage except I am so sorry you have been dealing with all that!!! I would be devastated.

Milkshake- I know what you mean. People have been mentioning adoption to me as well. And it's not that we wouldn't do that, but it just feels like everyone has given up on us having another one, and somehow that feels so disappointing to me. I feel like I can hear them thinking, "Why does she keep trying when it's not happening!!" But I agree, the BSL's are awesome!

TandN- I might check out that movie too. I don't know, I have been avoiding baby movies for a while. But I just might check it out, since you said it speaks to some of our feelings on the topic.

AFM, DS and DH are both feeling sick, and I think I am on the verge of getting it too. Not fun. Seems like I may never O again too. Ah well. Just hanging in there until I get all my health issues straightened out anyway. Blah

[LessTraveledBy]

Oh, marmo... I am so sorry for all you have gone through and continue to go through. Please share here to the extent that it helps you.

 

It is sad that the old "infertility ruins marriages" is something we have witnessed here. Although of course it can be something else on top of the infertility or have nothing to do with the infertility. Tough, either way...

Originally Posted by Milk8shake 

I have friends that are equally dismissive.  For me it seems more like they think I should just give up on having a child, and start looking @ adoption or surrogacy or something.  Literally, when I have told people about a loss, they have said: "so, are you looking in to adoption?"
 

UGH!
 

LILMOM.... Hope you will all feel better soon! I feel so bad for your friend. Sure sounds like a clear case for an annulment to me too (and I almost never say that) if the guy knew when marrying your friend that he did not wants kids.
 

TBH, I think it would be very stressful if a foster baby came while MIL is here. Yet, I don't think I would say no, unless there was something else "wrong" with what they told me. I feel really odd about the whole thing, though: Everything is ready and yet we know nothing.. you know, boy/girl, age, how long the placement will be, etc. We really need to get used to a lot of uncertainty. And that is ok, just new.

[toothfairy2be]

Marmo- it sounds like life has been testing you a lot. Sorry to hear about the loss of your little one, I think 'things happen for a reason' is one of those things people say because they don't know what else to say, just an empty sentiment... Like 'you can try again' or 'it wasn't meant to be'... The things that make your head want to explode. I hope you are able to find words of comfort here where people understand you. As for your DH, how complicated, so many emotions in your life, I don't have advice to offer, but this is an open place to talk out your thoughs, just don't be too hard on yourself and keep fighting for what you want.

[Gemmine]

T&N: Good to "see" you here too!

marmo: I'm so sorry to hear about all you've been going through. I hope you continue to feel comfortable posting here. What's your next step?

Isis: I agree, I wouldn't wait to try.

monkeyscience: I'm going to call to make an appointment Tuesday; I'll let you know how the process goes!

lilmom: Yikes. I hope you don't get sick. I need to read a little more to catch up on your situation; you have issues with O-ing?

[TandN]

Marmo - I am so so sorry for your loss and everything you've been through these past few months.  I hope your SO can find it in himself to show some emotion about the loss for your sake.  It is so hard to mourn a baby without dealing with everything else.

LTB - I hope the first placement is a positive experience for you, no matter when it happens!

Milkshake - It is so hard to go through this without any IRL support.  *Hugs* I'm glad you have your online community, but it would be so nice to have someone in person.

Isis - Personally, I would not wait.  Before we got pregnant with DD, we were NTNP.  I wish we had started trying earlier, if only to know that it would be difficult and we could have sought help then.  My aunt, who is a huge source of support for us through all this, struggled for five years to get pregnant and tells all her kids and nieces and nephews not to delay trying for any reason.  There is no "perfect" time when all circumstances will converge.

Monkeyscience - Ooooh, a smart phone, fun!!  I love mine, but it is difficult to follow the board on it.

Lilmom - I hope you check out the movie.  I wouldn't really call it a "baby" movie.  Actually the only baby in it is their friend's baby.  It's more about infertility and the emotions associated with it.

Cbaa - Yeah for new appliances!  Though your "reason" for getting them sucks, I hope you enjoy them.

Kitten - Sorry the timing for bd'ing and just seeing your DH is so difficult!  I hope you can be creative when the timing is right.

Gemmine - Have you called the practice yet where you want to be seen?  Is there any way to ask what the protocol is for being referred to the RE (do they make you start with the OB first?).  

I hope everyone is having a peaceful weekend so far.

[Kinza]

Gemmine:  Welcome!  I hope you can move on soon.

Marmo:  I'm so sorry for your loss, and for your marriage struggles right now.

Isis:  I wouldn't wait, either.  I'm hoping to move up in my job soon, even though it will be difficult and probably embarrassing as it may happen just when we doing our IVF.  I'm not deliberately waiting any longer, though.  I sincerely regret not being able to do IVF earlier in the year, when we originally wanted to because of some other things that were going on.  We continued TTC on our own, but knowing we wouldn't succeed.  Now all those months just seem like lost time/wasted time/I could be at the end of a pregnancy soon if we had gone ahead with it.

Hugs and thoughts to everyone.

AFM:  CD 11, and we have this cycle and next to try to get pregnant on our own.  I don't think it will happen, but I've been doing acupressure and feeling better, I'm down 40 pounds since January, my endometriosis is gone for the moment, my tubes are clear for the moment, and most importantly, my husband is under far less stress and his blood sugar is under much better control, which is good for sperm production.  So we'll do our best, and we are moving forward with assisted reproduction.  I'm freaking out over choosing a back-up sperm donor, though!

[wissa19]

Sorry for the lack of personals today.  I've been reading and will hopefully catch up with everyone soon. 

Had my surgery, I'm still a little sore, but feeling much much better. Hardest thing is keeping DS for climbing on me.  They didn't find the suspected polyp, but surgery was very much needed.  One of my tubes was blocked.  The doctor was able to get dye to go through it, so hoping it won't grow back!  They also found endo and lasered alot of it. The Dr. seemed think this will at least help with some of my pain.  Should find out more information and what the plan of attack is going to be at my post-op in a few weeks.

Any thoughts ladies, I go from happy to have an answer to feeling sad about the whole thing! 

[toothfairy2be]

Isis- we 'waited' for 3 months for a vacation this Oct, only one of the 3 did we actually miss O, I just couldn't do it, really for why the other ladies said, I just couldn't bear that if that were the month we were meant to conceive that I would have purposely skipped it. I think your superiors/coworkers would understand!

Kinza- congrats on the weight loss! How do you like acupressure, atleast you will be 100% ready for your IVF cycle if the next 2 aren't successful. How do you go about choosing donor sperm?

Wissa- glad you are out of surgery and on the mend, how long do you have to wait to DTD? (I'm sure that was your first question). So at least they got everything cleaned up in there, yay, no mystery polyp!

AFM- my spotting actually stopped yesterday, just plain creamy cm- it is strange b/c this month I stopped the NPC (and everything else) and my cycle seems slightly better... good thing is, that means if my LP is shorter, that I can start a new cycle with Clomid or Femara sooner! 3 more days until my appt! I was just thinking how nice it would be to sit in a coffee shop with all of you... I love my IRL friends, but sometimes it would be nice to have girlfriends that understand.

We are having a great weekend so far- a little heat wave for this time of year in the Boston area!

[lilmom]

Kinza-I'll be crossing fingers that it happens for you within the next 2 months..but if not, at least you have the IVF to look forward to. Sorry you are freaking out over choosing a backup sperm donor! I assume it's bc of your DHs issues?

Wissa- I'm so glad you were able to have that surgery! It seems like that would be a huge help to you ttc! Don't feel down, this is a major positive step!!!

Gemmine- Yes, I have trouble O'ing. I have pcos, and I typically only have about 8 or 9 cycle per year, and sometimes some of those aren't even ovulatory. It's been this way my whole life. It's extremely frustrating, but what's even more frustrating is that for the past 2 1/2 yrs while we've been ttc #2, we have lived in a small city where there are no RE's or fertility help really of any kind for me, and the closest ones are 3 hrs away, which is just not a reasonable drive for us right now. We've been here for DH to get his masters, and he is almost done. Which means we can move very soon, as soon as he finds a new job elsewhere. I do have an appt on the 14th to see a new ob.gyn, and I'm hoping he will be more knowledgeable, or at least able to prescribe Clomid for me with monitoring. The old one was willing to prescribe it, but would not do monitoring, so I chose not to do it. Now I'm kind of regretting it. But, now that I seem to be having all this trouble with my gallbladder anyway, it looks like the Clomid might have to wait, even if this doc is better and I feel more comfortable with it. Sigh. I hope we just can move really soon too. Thanks for asking : )

LTB- yes, my friend's husband definitely knew. It turned out he was also engaged before to a different woman who broke it off because she found out he did not want children. So he chose not to divulge that fact to my friend! She has stayed married to him for 7 years now..I really don't know how. I would not have stayed. I feel sorry for her, and mad at her at the same time for staying. It is her choice though, of course. If she told her family, I know they would support her, but she just feels it would be a huge sin to leave. : (

cbaa- How lovely to be having a better cycle! Good luck with your appt coming up! I also dream of having coffee with all of our wonderful ladies! I wonder if we might have other things in common too..a girl can dream, right?

AFM, I'm ok, just really tired from not enough sleep. Going to try to get more tonight. Ready for things to not be quite so stressful.  

[Gemmine]

T&N: I called Friday but the office closed early so now I have to call Tuesday and see. Hopefully it won't be a complicated process.

Kinza: Thank you! I really hope you guys won't need IVF; one of those sparkly babies that comes right before you go to the next step. However, if it comes to that I hope the transition with IVF and the new job goes as smoothly as possible.

wissa: Glad it went well, and I'm glad they addressed some issues! I often hear that this kind of surgery where they find/clear blockages tips the scales in your favor your next fertile cycle, so fingers crossed for you!

cbaa: It would be nice to have a cafe chat session :-) looking forward to your next steps!

lilmom: Oh wow, that is frustrating. I hope at least that this OB can give you some help until you're able to move.

AFM: CD1 over here, just in time for Labor Day.